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I'm helping a friend disengage and I have a Q!!

raindrop's picture

Submitted by raindrop on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 2:15pm

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it's up to her to get her future SS5 to school in the morning. She said he goes to bed at 830pm, but he wakes up a lot in the middle of the night, so when morning times comes, he doesn't want to get out of bed and he throws a fit!

She said she has no problem disengaging and allowing him to miss school when he acts this way, but what is she supposed to do? her husband had to be at work by 6am, so he isn't around to help. And she has to be at work by 0830. If she can't get him out of bed, who is going to come over to watch him while she lets him sleep through school? The kid doesn't have any grandparents/aunts/uncles in the area. None. And his BM is at work by 0700. She could call either bioparent and tell them to come home, otherwise the kid is going to be left at home alone? but, her husband will likely divorce her if she would even suggest this. And the chances of either Bioparent being allowed to come hom is slim to none. So what is this girl to do??

bigblues1981's picture

Submitted by bigblues1981 on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 2:27pm

I think she should just go ahead and take him...I have a three year old BD and a 5 year old SD and they both get up a lot during the night...and they both don't want to get up and go to school the next day..but the kid has to get to school and if there is no one else then she should just go ahead and take him. And then just disengage in every other aspect is she wants. But thats just my OP.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 4:31pm

Maybe dh needs to find a sitter in the mornings. If you can't handle him and it is too much for he needs to get him up and ready for the day and drop him off at a sitter til school starts. Isn't that what he would do if he was single??? Maybe suggest just for a few weeks so he can know what she goes through and he might step up a little more an make him mind better.

liloja03's picture

Submitted by liloja03 on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 4:36pm

I am in the same kind of boat, I am left with the SD in the evenings as he works. she hates me makes all of our lives difficult. I dont want to be responciable any more for her. In the beginning I was so excited to be a part of her life now I want no part of it. Divorce has been brought up many times but we have a 5 mo old baby and I never expected things to be like this and dont want to punish my baby girl.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Thu, 04/28/2011 - 5:36pm

It's the law that he has to be in school. Regardless of how tired he is I'd still take him.
Kids have boundless energy, keeping him active during the day might a plus? I really do detest resorting to sleep medicine, a regular routine might help better? There may be something he's anxious about, or he may just be manipulating to get one of his parents to 'do' for him. I'd encourage him to be a 'big boy now' and give him some other things to think about and try to make it 'his' efforts that get him what he needs. He's only 5, still time to encourage him and 'shape' him. Even at that tender age, though, they are capable of manipulating! I would reccomend that you do not, under any circumstances, let him see that he is pushing any buttons with you. He can still take responsibility for getting to school in the mornings. No school? for me it would mean a doctor visit, or waiting in the ER for a couple of hours, maybe longer, stuck in a small room with no entertainment, might make him think twice about hesitating to get up and ready for school. I would very much consider this to be a good investment of my time, if I were responsible for a 5 year old. I would also ask the doctor to make it quite clear that there's no physical reason for him not to be asleep or in school if that's the case, if that's not the case then something can be done medically. Be prepared for a child 'foiled' in his attempts to manipulate, if that's the case, and to push boundaries. This is your husband's child, I understand that, but you got a package deal too. It takes a good person to step up to the plate and deal with step children issues and I think you might be one of those 'good people'. I'd consider it a bonding process, drawing and setting boundaries is crucial for a child in a new situation with a new parent.