Am I just mean and heartless.....
This is the first time that I've posted anything, but I really feel like I'm loosing my mind and really could use some advice on how to deal. So here goes....
My husband and I have been together for 10yrs, married for 5yrs. We have no children of our own despite trying for the last 4yrs. He has an 8 1/2 yrold son. As I said in the beginning that we have been together for 10yrs. I'm sure everyone can do the math there. Her whole pregnancy and the first two years after were hell for me. I was stalked & threatened by the crazy b***h. I was even called a homewrecker by my hubby's own mother! After awhile things calmed down and she just went away. My hubby paid his CS, but never was allowed to see the kid because miss crazy would not allow it unless he left me and was with her. She also had her family and social worker convinced that it was unsafe for son to be around father.
So now here we are about 7yrs later and DHS calls to say that son has been removed from crazy's care and placed with the grandparents. Turns out that miss crazy is on just about every drug possible and has a BF that abuses the kids. She would leave SS alone for days w/o food to care for his 2yrold sister.
I wont get into all the details because there just too hard to think about.
After hearing all of these things my heart broke for both childern. No child should ever have to go threw the things that these to have. So I pushed my hubby to go to the court dates and jump threw the hoops to help this boy. At first I was excited to have SS in our lives. But now things have done a complete 180. Its not looking like miss crazy is going to be able to do any of the things she needs to do to get her kids back, and the grandparents feel that they are too old to take the kids in.
And that leaves SS that we just met comming to our home and his sis put up for adoption (no know father).
Now that things are becoming more offical I dont want any of it. I cant stand the sight of the kid anymore. He reminds me of everything from the past. Hubby doesnt really get it and says that it was so long ago I should just get over it and move on, but I dont seem to be able to. It kills me that I feel this way. I've always thought of myself as a caring copmassionate person and I love kids. So how can I be so disgusted by this one?
If anyone has any advice on how to fix/deal with these feelings it would greatly help.
I'll give you a pass for
I'll give you a pass for being overwhelmed. Certainly this is a lot to take in all at once. The situation is what it is, however, and you need to suck it up and do what's necessary to make it work. Counseling, both individual and couples if necessary. This is your husband's son. You have an opportunity to be a positive influence in this little boy's life. It will be hard. He will need therapy, all kinds of it. You'll probably wish you'd never agreed to taking it all on, but if you insist on treating this child, who has had no say in anything, like he is the source of all your unhappiness you stand a great chance of losing your marriage.
Iveburg give some compassion
Iveburg give some compassion her dh cheated on het that resulted in this child. Wow u need councling yourself.
Anyway op I get it u and him along with the children need councling.
Hi, I am new to the group,
Hi,
I am new to the group, but I have a question I recently had surgery and ended up with a blood clot and my step-daughter asked me to have a lia sophia party right after my surgery. I did end up cancelling but my step-daughter of 28 years was furious. Her e mail was mean, rude and not to mention cruel.
In her e-mail she is 34 years old; she gave me advice for my new daughter in law that I should keep my mouth shut and think before I say anything. I have never had trouble with my daughter-in-law and then she accused me of thinking that "in my mind that my stepdaughter wants her mom and dad to get back together after 33 years of divorce". This was all over jewerly does it make sense?
I agree with stepaside. We
I agree with stepaside. We all have a history, which is to be learned from too. We are all aware of what we are getting into when we marry a man with children. That he cheated and probably had a one night stand with this crazy woman is a shame. Bear in mind that these crazy women play mind games too! The best thing to do is to NOT let her, above all people, see that you are in any way disconcerted. If your husband percieves you as insecure then you might just drive him back to her! Get over whatever problems you have, maybe some counselling, for the child's benefit. I actually feel bad for your husband too, he's got his own concience to answer to as well. This baby is innocent! I love my 3 step kids as my own, I have three bio kids too. Do you have kids with your husband, stressed and confused? Can I ask you how much of your ill feelings are caused by resentment, insecurity or just fear? I used to feel insecure knowing that BM knew what buttons to push with DH but I quickly realized that I was his choice, he married me and never married her. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, not her. We have custody of the kids, not her. I spend as little time thinkng about her issues as possible and even less time discussing them!
I didn't get a chance to
I didn't get a chance to finish my post, I was on my phone and it kept messing up.
Anyway Echo I still say that iceburg is wrong and lacking a lot of compassion. I still stand by what I said that she needs counseling if this is the advice she is giving. she clearly has issues.
To the op personally I would accept her gifts I mean she was the stupid one for spending that much money on her kid and she has a lot of good stuff in there. However I would tell dh that he better set her straight that your child will have nothing to do with her and she better not have anything to do with your child ever again. Also I just want you to know I was kinda in that position, my ex cheated on me and I left him then his lover sent a bunch new clothes and toys for our kids. I kept them b/c they were for my kids and hey it was nice things. They are just things.
I would make it very clear to dh that about his coworker. I then would be working on my exit plan. You need to get away form a man that sees nothing wrong with cheating!