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How to file request for stepparent to stop interfering

RaeRae's picture
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Does anyone know how to file (what to name a motion) for a non-custodial step parent to stop interfering in biokids lives? The stepfather is overstepping his boundaries, to say the least... attempting to convert the children, and insisting on controlling parent-teacher meetings and conferences (taken care of on the side of the school, but would like a specific mention in a court order if possible).

Someone suggested a 'motion for judicial assistance', but I was unable to find much info on this on google when it pertains to family court.

kat2011's picture

Well that is an odd one. I have never been one to deny my children their freedom to determine their religious preference but a step-parent does have some limitations. I feel it would be fine to take the children to a service and then leave it up to them what they want because in the end it is THEIR choice. Sorry just how I feel about religion. I don't know how you could possibly move for a court action to deter the introduction of alternate religious teachings other than to look at the parenting plan and see if you had enough forethought to include that in the final disposition. If it is not in there you could file for a revised parenting plan and make sure you note that the reason you are filing for a revision is because of the missing specifications over religious teachings and make sure you include other very specific revisions to not appear petty or unreasonable and force it into mediation. I hope that helps a little. As a step-parent I would never presume to overstep in that way. I just want to have a peaceful and fun time with the kids when we have them and enjoy our time together drama free but that is not likely to happen at all.

RaeRae's picture

My skids are young. 13, 9, 6 and 6. Until they reach an older age, they need to be raised in the religion they were born with. The CO says DH has final word on major decisions including religion. I have an open mind too, but my own kids will follow my religion until they are older (mid teens) as well.

RaeRae's picture

Yes, religious conversion to the NCSD's religion. The kids were raised by DH and BM in one religion and now SD wants that to change (although in court, BM has told the judge she still follows DH's religion) so they take the kids to his church.

DH has legal and physical custody.

RaeRae's picture

Actually, it's more on the Pentecostal side. Having grown up with a Pentecostal mother, I feel the same about them as you do about JWs. I know I can't judge all churches based on the crazy places my mother used to take me, but the whole Pentecostal thing does worry me.

More importantly, it worries DH. DH and BM raised the kids TOGETHER in a completely different religion with completely different beliefs, has admitted this in front of the judge, has said she still follows this faith in front of the judge, and has stated that she prefers the kids go to the private school teaching this face, to the judge. Three separate statements TO THE JUDGE on three separate occasions.

I think that in itself shows her motivations.

RaeRae's picture

They have cut off ALL communication. We notify them for doc appointments and such, but when it comes to any sort of adult discussion, they will not do it. Actually the school has sided with DH in not allowing SF into the meetings. There is no way DH can work out boundaries when they refuse to have a discussion, refuse to cooperate, and deliberately do things to piss DH off.

RaeRae's picture

We are custodial and DH has final word on everything-religion, medical, school... we put a stop to the school, and after filing our response to her brief on the appeal, we plan to file contempt against them taking the kids to their church. However, this is NC, still the south, and we do worry that the outcome will not be in our favor.

We will also try to file contempt on her not paying child support, even though we were shot down on that one on the 1st. Can't understand why the judge didn't hold her in contempt on that one.

herewegoagain's picture

How much power could a non-custodial stepparent actually have? Really? Sorry, but all non-custodial parents here complain because the kids don't learn anything at their house because they are there such little time...and well, I don't understand.

In addition, if their BM lives with such step-parent, it's up to her to decide if she stops him or not...if she doesn't, isn't that the same as "she agrees with him", therefore, he has a right because BM agrees and while at her house she decides?

PS - if it was illegal for parents to take their kids to church, this wouldn't happen...fact is, that forcing ANY child to go to ANY church, should be considered child abuse...religion should be decided by the individual and nobody else...

RaeRae's picture

This NCSF has been asked to see a psychiatrist by his own Parent Coordinator. He's been told he has mental issues which needs to be addressed (PC is also a therapist). This man wedges himself in every little detail he can when it involved DH's kids (although he has his own kids). He has chosen to take the kids to his church, he has chosen to file an appeal on BM's behalf, he has chosen to file motions against DH... he's sick in the head.

babedow77's picture

Most parenting plans will state that the children will continue practicing the religion that was practiced at time of separation.
Unless the change is approved by both parents. (if parents have joint custody and joint decision making). Even when a child lives with a primary custodial parent, typcially the other parent still has joint custody rights/decision making rights. You could always ask for mediation. But... question::: How do the kids feel about the new church?
Is it hurting them? you have a valid concern but I would also make sure you ask yourself whether or not your opposition is due to personal animosity? or do you truly feel that this will hurt them?
Dirol

babedow77's picture

Most parenting plans will state that the children will continue practicing the religion that was practiced at time of separation.
Unless the change is approved by both parents. (if parents have joint custody and joint decision making). Even when a child lives with a primary custodial parent, typcially the other parent still has joint custody rights/decision making rights. You could always ask for mediation. But... question::: How do the kids feel about the new church?
Is it hurting them? you have a valid concern but I would also make sure you ask yourself whether or not your opposition is due to personal animosity? or do you truly feel that this will hurt them?
Dirol

RaeRae's picture

Our kids (DH's kids and my kids) were born and raised in this religion. We believe in this religion, follow this religion, and our kids have followed it since birth and were raised to believe in and follow this religion (and BM at one point in her life followed this same religion and raised the kids this way).

So, is it hurting the kids? Maybe not, but it's confusing the hell out of them. It's not personal animosity, it's our faith, our life, our belief that our kids should be raised in the religion they were born in, and the BM has no right to try to change their religion just because her new man follows a different religion than the one she and DH raised their children in for the past 13 years.

PoisonApples's picture

What are you afraid of?

What do you think is going to happen if they are exposed to different beliefs?

I don't see how you could see that as anything but good.

Look up the definition of brainwashing. That's what it sounds like you are trying to do to those kids. I'd ask myself why you need to do that. Is your religion so nonsensical that if the kids hear about others you think they'll abandon yours? If so, then they SHOULD abandon yours.

Any religion that depends on it's members remaining ignorant to keep them as members isn't worth being a part of.

RaeRae's picture

My kids and my skids are exposed to different beliefs. But they will be raised in OUR beliefs. Period. I don't expect my kids to learn manners, respect, math, or how to dress themselves on their own, they must be taught, and it's the same with religion. They will follow our religion, just as they will say 'please' and 'excuse me'. Later on, if they decide not to say 'bless you' when someone sneezes, they can choose to do so. And if they want to be Buddhist or Pentacostal, they can choose to do so. Until then, it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to teach them our beliefs and way of life.

And BM and her bisexual husband, these hypocrites who are living one life and turning around and taking the kids to church, have no right in the eyes of God OR the Court to change this.

PrincessFiona's picture

Maybe file for a change in custody schedule so that the non-custodial, interfering parent no long has the kids on days that the religion is practiced. That would give you a basis for airing your issues with the religous interference to a court. It sounds like you have plenty of ammo document in the system to show that BM supports your choices of religion. She just isn't enforcing those choices in her home.

I personally would choose to allow my kids to be exposed to other views and use it as an opportunity to discuss the ways differnt religions view different issues. I like to teach my kids to be tolerant of others and their choices. ANd I've have had to put that in practice. My kids SM practices a religion that I don't respect or agree with. She takes DD with her to church. As long as it's not forced I don't concern myself.

RaeRae's picture

We teach our kids to be tolerant and respectful of other religions, and they are exposed to people of other faiths and cultures on a daily basis. We feel that when they are old enough, they can choose their own path. Until then, they should follow the religion they were born into.

PoisonApples's picture

We feel that when they are old enough, they can choose their own path.

I'm 100% with you there.

Until then, they should follow the religion they were born into.

Uhm, why? Why not until then they can be learning about many different religions so when the time comes they'll have to tools to make an educated choice? What are you afraid of? Brainwashing is NEVER a good thing.

RaeRae's picture

As I said, my kids are exposed to other religions. My family is diverse. In my immediate family we have Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Agnostic and Atheists. We talk about religion all the time. But it is not up to our 7, 8, 10, 12, and 13 year olds to decide their religions yet.

Do not accuse me of brainwashing my kids, as you do not know me or my beliefs. I do not come here for religious debate. I come here for advice on how to handle a psychotic BM, a boundary-less step-father to my step-kids, and to vent.

CaptainD's picture

Religion is not the same as brainwashing. I am not religious, but I still support a parent's right to raise their children in their religion. In this case it doesn't sound like BM believes in this new religion, it sounds as if she is a pushover who is letting her husband control her.

Stepdad sounds like an asshole, to me.

RaeRae's picture

Yeah that is another problem we are having. The guy is a pervert, which led to his divorce with his ex wife (we've read their public records). He's bisexual, and has a 'special relationship' as it has been called, with my SS7#1. He's also been accused of sexual suggestion by his 4 year old daughter, who, at this age, should not know anything about the stiffness or the hair on a penis.

But of course, we are being ignored, there is not enough to go on, as long as no one is being hurt or penetrated, there is nothing the authorities can/will do.

RaeRae's picture

Thank you so much for your replies. I agree. Our intent is not to 'brainwash' the kids, but to bring them up in a stable home environment, stable school environment, stable family, and stable religious practice.

RaeRae's picture

Yeah I've blogged about the other stuff, too. I don't expect things to end well with this guy.

mom2five's picture

If you are asking the court to force someone to do something, or to refrain from doing something, you are seeking injunctive relief.

I'm not suggesting that an injunction would be appropriate in your situation nor that a judge would grant one. Only an attorney in your state can provide you legal advise.

RaeRae's picture

Thanks Mom2five, I'll look into that. All we know is contempt, we are doing this on our own now, without an attorney. So, I'll look into the injunctive relief, and see where it takes us!