Not sure why I feel this way
My fiance has a 3 yr old daughter with what can be best described as the queen of all white trash, he never wanted her to get pregnant, it was a total accident and he initially told her to have an abortion. We are now expecting our first child (planned child I might add)and are so excited! My problem is my SD to be annoys me to no end, thankfully I don't see her much. Her BM has abandoned her with her maternal grandma so it seems lately that my fiance's family really are trying to push this kid on me and even asked me if I would let her call me mom in the future (hell to the no). They push and pressure me to put her as a flower girl in my wedding when I mentioned having our new baby in it. I had to ultimately say I wasn't going to have any kids (my new baby included) involved in the ceremony just to avoid having SD in it, which breaks my heart. I will be talking about MY and my fiance's baby and they will somehow relate it back to SD, who they let get away with everything and is spoiled rotten. I don't want my new baby around her anymore than necessary, she is rough and hits and I am scared to death that she will smack the baby. For some reason I cannot disassociate her with her whore of a mother and just see her as a constant reminder of her and an embarassment honestly. Why do I feel like this?
Why do you feel like this?
Why do you feel like this? Because you are human, you are normal. My story is alot like yours, SD13 BM was a short fling for DH, he always says they never "dated" he never even took her to Burger King.. she was just a bed buddy (insert major eye roll here) when he was young and stupid. She got pregnant and had SD and has been an embarassement to DH ever since. BM is plain old trailer trash, BM dumped SD on her mother (who is trash too) who SD has lived with since she was a baby, then BM had 3 more kids with another guy. BM's still in the picture for SD, is actually living with her mother and SD because she got evicted for the umpteenth time.
When DH and I first got together my MIL couldn't talk enough about how wonderful I would be for SD, how I would be such a great influence, how maybe DH and I could get her to move in with us and away from the Trailer Parkersons, etc. (Ok no pressure there) Believe it or not, SD is a nice gal and we did get pretty close, but then she stopped coming around much so that kind of fell apart.
Don't let these people try to force a relationship with her on you, it's not fair and it's setting you both up for failure. These things need to come gradually and in their own time, if at all. Does your DH want to see SD more?? Does he have much of a realtionship with her? Why did he not take custody of her when BM dumped her?
Wow our situations do sound
Wow our situations do sound very similar! Thank you for responding and sharing
DH says he wants to do more with SD, but actions speak louder than words I guess, bc he does not make a big effort to see her and when she does come to our house your's truly ends up watching her more than he does (which I know isn't her fault). His family is much more involved with her and if not for them we would probably have little to no contact bc her BM's whole family is BSC themselves. I feel like she ruins my perfect little family bc she keeps getting thrown in the mix by his family and ultimately having to repeat the story about her mother and what not to people when they ask is so embarassing and I feel makes us look bad when we are NOTHING like her.
His family really lays the
His family really lays the guilt trip on him and me too to do more with her and to include her. I swear if I hear the phrase "she's been thru so much and is such a good girl" one more time I will scream.
oops duplicate
oops duplicate
I know my DH didn't have much
I know my DH didn't have much of a relationship with SD when she was little simply because he could not stand the trailer trash family and especially the BM and he has never said so, but I know alot of it was sheer embarrassment for him to have to associate with them at all. He eventually came around though when SD was about 4 and while they have never been close, they do have a decent relationship for such a rocky start.
Trust me, I dread having to tell anyone about my skids, because the question usually rears it's ugly head about BM's. I have the pleasure of having 2 scumbag BM's! BM#2 is not as scummy as #1, but look up bitch in the dictionary and her mug is the definition! I understand the embarassment and the feeling of shame and can't even begin to imagine how my DH feels!
Good luck with your new baby and hope that things settle down with SD and inlaws!
Thanks so much!
Thanks so much!