Hello everyone!! Read all the interesting information and I have a few questions and advice still. I am engaged to a sweet man now for a year and a half. All together we have 6 children. My children are 2,4, and 9 and my finace's are 14ss, 19sd, 21sd and both of his daughters have a child. He is great at disciplining my children but his son could never do no wrong. He is a good kid but is lazy and sometimes disrepectful and when I mention it to my finace, he gets upset. The 21 year old is as sweet as can be but pays for nothing. He still makes her car payments and insurance =600 a month but he can't really help with the bills where we live so I pay all the bills. I have asked him to trade her car in(mind you, mine is payed off and falling apart but I manage) to lower the payments and ask her to take over or at the very least help out with the payments. She works and lives with her mother and pays nothing there either. Anytime I say anything about his kids, he becomes defensive.

I recently asked him for us to go and visit because I know he misses his grandchildren and he refused because he said I didn't like his family anyway. I never said I didn't like them I just don't like the way his family use him esp. the 21 year old. He can't help me with the bills because he was paying for his 21SD's bills(and other family members and got behind on his bills) and now can not help with our living expensives. He just got a higher paying job(this week) and I am hoping that he will help some out with bills where we live. I just can not talk to him about his kids and the lack of disrespect or bills that they should be paying. He shuts down everytime I even mention it and sometimes i don't think it is fair.

How can I talk to him without causing more tension?
Any advice will help,
UnsureSometimes