This is EXACTLY how I feel!!! I often worry that when I get excited about ultrasounds and first words, DH will think "well I have already done this before, no big deal." I was also worried about my in laws. My in laws spoil SS to no end, and I hated that they already had their first grandkid and feared that as a result my kids wouldn't be AS special to them. It KILLED me! I finally spoke to DH and to some friends about it and what they told me was very reassuring.

Firstly, even though my in laws have their "first grandkid" MY parents don't, so when I have kids I know they will want to be involved in EVERY aspect of their lives and spoil them. Also, my father in law sees DH's son more often than my mother in law, but neither of them see him as often as they would like because BM is all kinds of crazy. I know that regardless of how much they have fussed over SS, my kids will have a different and very special bond with ALL of their grandparents because there will be no limits on their relationship or how often they will be able to see them.

Now DH. I was worried about all of my "firsts" that would be his "seconds," but you have to think about it like this: many families (I don't know about yours, personally I am one of three kids) have multiple children. Imagine you have already have a child. Out of the blue, you find out that you are pregnant. AGAIN. Just because this will be your second child does not mean that you will love this child any less or enjoy the experience any less than your last child, does it? You will still be excited about ultrasounds and first words and this new child will be ANOTHER bonding experience for you and your guy. Yes he has a child, but every child and every pregnancy is different and even though it is not his "first" it will still be a very important experience -for both of you. And in the words of my own DH, "yes I have a son, but how could I not be excited about having a child with the love of my life?"

I feel a lot better about the whole situation now, but I still catch myself worrying about it sometimes, so I don't know that it will every go away...maybe when DH and I finally do have a child and I see that all my fears are needless and ridiculous. But I definitely know DH is worth it, and I would rather have my "seconds" with him than "firsts" with anyone else!

I will never have children with my DH. We married at 42(me) and 46(him). Tubal ligation done in 1991 put an end to my ability to get pregnant. Previously my ex just had to wave his underpants at me and I was pregnant. I have 4 children now aged 28-19. He has 2 sons 17 & 19.

We will never have that first. First child that is solely ours. Nothing we have to share with anyone else. Just ours.

I feel his sons can be very callous with him. Oh they love him but the way they behave sometimes makes my blood boil.

I still dream about the child we would have shared. The thing is, this would be OUR child. No one elses. Just ours. My ex and his ex have nothing to do with it. It would have been the uniting of us.

But it will never happen. I accept that but we can all dream.

In saying that, when I married him I knew what the deal was. I knew what his commitment was. I had the choice to stay or go. I had the freedom to not tie myself to him and his CS and his ungrateful (at the time) sons. His ex who is so passive agressive it makes me see red.

And so it is with you. This is his world. Do you want him to drown them? Pretend they don't exist? Are they nice girls or little hellions? Do you both agree to discipline them the same way? Do you both have a big thick boundary that the BM can never cross? Or does he give in or he misses out on his girls?

You have a choice. Stay or go. You could stick around and be the girlfriend until they are grown up and out of the house. Or you can alienate them from their father because he chose to have children before he even knew you existed on the planet.

If DH and I look into the past (I lived in New Zealand, he is American) our lives NEARLY collided quite a few times. IF his parents had moved the NZ as they had planned in the 1970s I probably/likely/maybe have met him, married him then and our lives ould be moving in a different direction. But it didn't happen. He married the Ice Maiden. I married the Bolter. We each lived our lives as best we could and when they unravelled then it was the time to meet.

If you fear him not accepting your shared potential child as a new and exciting experience then this is about you and your insecurities rather than his shortcomings. You need to sort out if this is the life you live.

I love my life with DH. Adore him and our life as it is. However he has a heart condition that has been worse since we married. It is settling down again but I know the ER intimately, lets put it that way. Is this any way to live a marriage? Heart condition that won't kill him but makes our lives more slower (for now) than I ever dreamed. I miss out on so much he previously did with his ex.

And yes, I get angry and frustrated and wonder what I am doing here. But maybe I am here because The Big Plan for DH was for a few years he needed a loving wife to take care of him and help him as he deals with this issue. And our time will come when we can enjoy life OUR way and not keep track of where the nearest cardiac hospital is. Ever had to travel and check on line for the best specialist in the city you are visitng? Ever had to leave a Release of Information with your Drs office when you travelled? It isn't fun.

But the alternative is life without him. So like you I had to make a choice. Marry him and enjoy the time we have whatever it brings or not marry him because his baggage was something I didn't want to deal with. Either choice would have been OK really. I was being honest with myself.

And who is to say your BF doesn't come down with some infection that renders him sterile? And the only kids he ever has are these little girls? Maybe you are the Good Role Model for them. The person they admire and want to be when they grow up. Once they get past wanting to be Rapunzel *grin*.

Work through your own insecurities and the big question is can you accept his baggage just like he will have to accept yours being your insecurity issues. Right now those can linger forever. The girls will eventually grow up and move away.

It is your choice.

Our situations are eerily similar. I'm a teacher, though, so the making tons of money part doesn't apply lol. My DH has twin 5 yr old boys who are great. I would never go back and find a different man. I love my husband and his kids more than anything, but I too was a little sad that our family wouldn't be his first family. He has assured me that it will be different because he's with me, who he lives more than anything, and it will be special because it is our first child. Oh and BM was not accepting at first, but I was just honest and nice and caused no drama and she has come around. I made sure to not be perceived as a threat. Good luck to you and don'tet negative posts discourage you! It can be done!