Thanks for your imput. Showing up to court in uniform didn't really help. She actually used it against DH. The judge did order that we got primary custody while she got EOWE, we still had to pay HER support, and b/c she made such a big deal about an upcoming possible deployment, the judge said DH only got custody indefinitely or until the day before he deployed. The judge left out what happened when he came home from deployment. Fast forward, DH deploys for 5 months, we lose custody, then only get back visitation when he returns.

The command knows that his XW is horrible yet she talks to a new person each time and again she is a manipulator-tells them awful stuff and then gets the "woe is me" pity going. My DH has NEVER been late with CS. Obviously, he's military so it comes straight out of his check. My horrible BM did this to my dad-she ended up calling so much that the command just went ahead and discharged him do to his ongoing personal/family matters. He was only 2 years away from retirement and my dad lost it all thanks to my crazy BM.

In the past 5 years that we have been married, I have watched my SS just be mentally and emotionally destroyed. BM has made him scared to even have a stranger say her name when he is with us. She told him that our goal is to not ever let him see her again and that if he tells us anything that goes on at her house then we will go to a judge and tell the judge to take him away from BM. SS told us this and not matter what reassurance we give him, nothing helps.

I know the going back and forth on him between 2 completely different lives is hard on him. I actually feel sorry for my SS. Four to six times a month-every other Friday and then again on Sunday-he has to travel back and forth a 5 hour trip every time. So basically spending 20-30 hours in the car a month.

Everything we do though is mis-construed to him as horrible. She always plays the "I'm a better Christian" than they are card. She's the biggest hypocrite I have ever met. In one breath she is cursing, the next quoting Scriptures at us. I hate when my SS tell me "My mom says you aren't a Christian b/c you listen to country music. You should only listen to Christian music." Every Sunday we have him-even though that's the day he goes back to her-she makes sure to call him right at 1pm to ask him if he went to church. If he says no, then she gives HIM a guilt trip and asks HIM "well, why didn't you go to church? You need to ask them to take you to church." This woman has had multiple abortions and has had at least 3 live in boyfriends just in the time I've known my DH yet we are the heathen ones.

We make it a point NEVER to discuss any adult issues or anything regarding court in front of him yet she uses SS as the go-between for SS to tell us what his mom is upset about this time. It is so hard for us to do so much for a child that is actively being turned against us. It would be easier if he wasn't home schooled. He has always had bullying issues-he's an only child when at her house-and he had major probs in school so instead of making him deal with his problems, she started home schooling him this school year. That's only made him worse. He has no clue how to be socialized. He is in the 5th grade and when he comes to our house we have tons of social outlets since we have other kids his age and he always comes across awkward when with children his own age. Anyways, thanks to the home schooling he is under BM's thumb 24/7 and is being indoctrinated by her constantly. It's like we're fighting a losing battle.

I can go on and on with examples of alienation, etc. but it's exhausting just to think about it. My DH is being affected physically by all the stuff she has pulled. Last week she pulled stuff again and his blood pressure was through the roof. He's even developed a twitching on his face from the stress she is putting him under. I hate seeing my DH suffering like this. They have joint custody, but she NEVER included DH in any decisions. Our only alternative is to go to court, which again we can't afford to even file a motion on our own.

We have documented everything, but even the lawyer said short of us having video of her snorting coke with SS in the background or her getting a DUI with him in the backseat our chances of full custody are almost nil thanks to us living in a "mother is always the best parent" state. As for going to court alone, we are pretty much just looking at us losing some of the visitation we do have. She wants to go from 2 weekends a month to 1 weekend-so we go from 4 days a month to 2 days. In the summers we get him for 4 weeks-she wants us to only have him 2 weeks. Her lawyer is already contacting my DH's command to get info on his military movements. It's kind of sad the ONLY thing they can use against him is the fact that DH is sacrificing for his country!

Do you think BM-even though she wouldn't have to-let SS still see us (at our expense obviously) a couple times a year at least? I know she wants to change his last name, have him believe everything she believes, do everything she does, and make all the life decisions herself without having to legally go through my DH and that's what she would get in the termination, but I'm curious if any BM would still let their child see his biodad even if rights are terminated. I know at one point, my two daughters' biodad wanted to terminate his rights (only b/c he didn't want to pay child support) and I told him if he did it, I wouldn't care if he still saw them at his expense though-it doesn't bother me. My XH just isn't very involved and even though he hasn't terminated his rights, he still doesn't pay child support to me b/c he can barely afford to even feed himself. So DH in addition to all of his expenses with SS is also supporting my kiddos from my previous marriage and then our kids we've had together. My DH is an excellent father to all of our children so my kids aren't lacking and when their biodad wants to be involved I don't hinder him.