Our Christmas was so Peaceful without Steps!
2 days before Christmas we learned husband's sister had a heart attack and was in the hospital. Within 12 hours husband's father was also admitted due to trouble with kidneys. Husband had just lost his youngest sister to lukemia a few months ago so this was all startling.
I could husband was thinking, quiet and withdrawn. His sons (27 & 29) do not contact us, feel we have done them wrong and I know that is always on his mind during the holidays. he continues to reach out for them but they don't respond.
Yesterday (Christmas) I asked him how he felt about the family sitaution. He told me he felt disconnected from his family and while everyone has hard feelings and there's been alot of blame and pointed fingers he knows that we will never be the family we once were. I let him know that I in no way want to stand between him and his kids or him and his family and that if he wants to persue those relationships he needs to do so. He said that wasn't want he wanted, that he just wanted to let it all go.
We have been together for 21 years. The struggles we went thru with exes and the steps were something, it is actually amazing we are still married but I think we both have gotten to a comfortable point in realizing we are okay with letting go.
We spent our Christmas with our youngest (teen still at home) and friends. It was a great time, lots of laughs and good company. No tension, no stress, no watchful eyes.....it was GREAT!
Glad you had a nice holiday!
Glad you had a nice holiday! It is sad, though, when we get to the point that we realize we are better off WITHOUT certain members of our family around. I don't understand how society has gotten to the point that the children (even those in their 20's and 30's) feel that they can do whatever the hell they want, and it should be ok with everyone. They crap all over us and expect us to praise and honor them when it comes to birthdays and other gift giving holidays.
I, too, have disengaged completely from SD24. I just got so fed up with her feelings of entitlement while everyone else has to work for a living. Yesterday (Christmas) we all went to DH's sister's for lunch and gift opening. Of course she was there (any gift RECEIVING event is a guarantee she'll be around). I did not say a word to her. I did not praise her for her latest baby. I did not even look at her. Ironically, most of the family does the same thing, except for her father (DH) and her grandmother. Her cousins and her aunts and uncles think she is an embarassment and barely acknowledge her presence.
Yes, this hurts DH's feelings. Yes, he is not happy about her situation, but feels he cannot say anything to her because she'll never speak to him again. I'm pretty sure she'll speak to him when she needs money or just someone to be "on her side". Us Stepmoms see this from a totally different perspective than their fathers. Personally, I am not desperate for friends or family. And, people who don't respect me, don't have me in their lives!
So true Eyes Wide Open My
So true Eyes Wide Open
My SD37 is a textbook Narcissist and my SS35 is an alcoholic, and the gift giving is definitely a one way street. I feel so much better now that I realize that I will never have a good relationship with either of them. I cannot for the life of me understand why they are so f....ing selfish! Their dad keeps giving them money for Christmas and the daughter makes 140k per year and she doesn't even send us a card an Christmas.
But she whines when she doesn't get a gift from us!!!!!!!
Yuck.
Why are these grown Adult Children so selfish and entitled? Partly becaus their parents give, give, give and they take, take take.
Until the parents wise up and see that they are just being used nothing will change.
She recently visited us with ner new BF and I asked them where they were taking us to dinner after we bought them each a round of golf and hosted them in our home ..boy that really pissed her off I'm sure. BTW it was the first time in 12 years she ever did anything like that for us but I had to force her to do so!
I am trying not to let it affect my relationship with my wonderful hubby, but he is such a wuss with her. He is getting smarter with the son since this year his son finally blasted him and told him he he felt about his Dad and it was ugly!
I did not go back with him this year at Christmas to be with his passive aggressive dysfunctional family becuase I am tire of being their slave at this time of year and it was the BEST Christmas I've had in years! May have to make this an annual thing!
This was a horrible xmas at
This was a horrible xmas at our house. Both step kids and bio kids for me. Ugly when the step kids decided to gang up on my ONE bio son in the house that I pay for. Talk about disrespectful! I even bought all their presents...bought the meal and did the cooking! That was the final straw for me. They are so competitive for their dad's attention at their age! I guess my son and I weren't allowed to share their dad for xmas this year! It was a disgusting display from them. So, next year, we just won't and they can see what they get.
The oldest SS is 34 with 3 kids. Every time my husband and I have done anything for just us (cruise, vacation to see my son, buy a motorcycle), we come back home and SS34 has his hand out for something of equal value and says it's for his kids. It usually has to do with the racing the kids do.
So this year, my resolution is to be removed from his family. I have a great husband and this will hurt me to do this. The only thing I have issues with is his oldest son. Everyone was getting along fine this xmas until the oldest arrived. He is the sole source of any of our arguments.
Life as the stepkids knew it is done. They don't understand (or refuse to understand) that when we do things as a couple, the money comes from me. Now, their dad is going to have to bring something to the table. He won't have the money to "pay" for his sons "good ideas".
I envy your xmas! But...I will have one like yours next year.