Go with your DH. It is open to all parents, correct? You are the step-parent!

Don't let her upset you (easier said than done, I know). The best revenge is to be happy. You can make sure that your DH doesn't have to spend TOO much time with BM and SD can see that you two are a "united front."

It would also piss off BM to no end!!

Personally I don't buy into the whole "let's do stuff as mother and father for the sake of the child" crap. It's an illusion...it's a lie...and it's just plain disrespectful to the other people who are in a relationship with mom or dad. BM used to pull these guilt trips on DH all the time. He actually did buy into it our first x-mas together and decided to play happy family and when I found the tape from that x-mas much later on, it almost split us up due to the contents and fact he lied lied and lied. (looonggg story) But, anyhow, the kids knows their mother and father aren't together. In my case, BM and DH were split up before she even knew she was pregnant. There's no point in putting on a show. It's rediculous.

I was thinking the same thing. She wrote ALL "parents" are invited. I take that to mean you, too. Imagine the look on her face when you DH replies, "Sounds great! Butterfly and I are looking forward to it! Will we see you there?" }:)

For your DH to go without you makes the false illusion of the 3 of them being a family, also giving the false illiusion that DH & BM are a couple.

You should go with your DH. Go as his wife. It's good for your SD to see the 3 adults in the true light. It's good for her to see you & your DH participate in things together. I believe it sends kids the wrong message when a step gets pushed out. In my opinion, it sends the message that daddy is married to & lives with Butterflykisses but still plays family with mommy. If daddy is married to & lives with Butterflykisses, he only plays family with her. In my opinion, you have every right to be there, & you should be. Not to spite BM, but to be there in support of your husband & your stepdaughter.

I would go but that's just me. Dh always wants me to go, he can't stand to be anywhere with bm alone. I think your dh should look at you and say "I want you to go" and then both of you go! that is the only way bm will get it throu her head that he has moved on!

If YOU want to go, then go. If you don't want to go, then let DH go if he wants to.

Personally, if it was during the day then I'd have to see if ticking BM off by showing up was worth a couple of hours of missing work. Sometimes it is. And I wouldn't give her any warning either. I love showing up unexpectedly at kid events and seeing the look on BM's face as she notices that I've accompanied DH and that the ONE SEAT she had conveniently saved for my husband to sit by her will remain empty as we sit elsewhere. Or if there happens to be two empty seats next to her, I'll sit next to her and hubby sits on my other side. It's like watching a teenager's face fall when the boy she is in love with walks into class holding another girl's hand.

It used to make me mad/jealous to know that when I'm not around she's so chatty with my DH but I've learned to realize that she does that because I make HER uncomfortable enough that she doesn't know what to say or how to act when I'm around. Especially when I'm all nice and happy and start talking to her like I would anyone else.

This Biotch is all about imagine. I would go. I know for a fact that our BM doesn't like me attending any functions at the school. My husband and the kids invite me. I go for their benefit, and just to tweak the Biotch.
As far as your Husband going with Bm as a happy family sends A TOTALLY WRONG message to the child. That is just plain insanity.
I would wait to see how your husband handles the situation. Sit and wait for his reaction. When he asks for your opinion give it to him and I'm sure he'll see your point.

BM was the one who directed the invite solely to DH. However, I get the feeling that the school would be open to you going with DH. I absolutely think DH should go for his daughter. I also think you should go. SD has two families- one with you and DH and one with BM. BM would probably be upset if anyone tried to exclude him DH from SD's life, so she should at least act like an adult about you being involved in SD's life for the sake of SD. If she chooses to act like an overgrown fool at these events, she's hurting herself and SD.

Poison that is why I said that it was not up to bm to invite anyone it was the school as this is a school function.

i skimmed through the above posts and agree with the ones that say you're not the first person that is a stepmother - society is full of us!!! Go to the school and be with your husband for his kid (your stepchild).
screw BM and her MOTY act. if she was truly MOTY she will show how united the ENTIRE family is - you included!!
they ARE NOT a couple and it would be a very negative thing to protray this "for the child". it's total bullshit and it will confuse the hell out of them and you'll be the bad guy for ruining Mommy and Daddy's marriage. don't let them add fuel to that fire!!

Who cares what BM WANTS? Ignore that! I make XH aware of school events. We do not sit together, even if BF is not with me. Our son knows we're both there and that's fine. She is divorced and should really get over it. Appearing as a couple for the child? What, is that child the only one whose parents are divorced? It's a fact of life now days. Not some dirty secret to hide! She just wants to be with your DH and she's using this. I would go with DH. Let BM "want" all she likes. She had her chance and it's over.

I feel like I'm the only one who read that note and didn't see that BM wanted to go to the event as a couple. Seems she informing him that it was taking place. I think it would be up to him to decide whether to attend alone or with his significant other. Where are you getting that that she's trying to exclude you or act as a couple with your husband?

I think you could be completely right that BM would not be happy to have you there and I think that's her problem to deal with, not yours. It's easy to over think motives of others and assign meanings to things and it could be 100% right or wrong.

I definitely don't think you should encourage your husband to do something you completely disagree with. Be honest with your husband about how you see the situation. If he thinks you don't care either way or that you are comfy with him going with you, that could be a bigger headache.

You are absolutely invited to anything addressed to SDs "parents"

Go with him. You ARE a parent. You're a step Parent. The kid needs to see her new family unit can be civil in a school setting so she doesn't have to choose between the two for the rest of her life.

You'll be doing her a great disservice to go on claiming the school is excluding you because you're not a BIO parent to her. She's 6. She and her teachers need to see you as her dads partner. Go be happy to be there. Have turkey. BM probably won't even go if she knows you're going, so that makes her look petty and foolish.

If you can't or choose not to go with him, he should still go. If bm is also there fine. No big deal. You have 12 more years of school functions where both of SDs parents should attend.

Butterflykisses - I think you should go and look fabulous and enjoy yourself - you are part of the family and when these things happen it in my book confuses the child more than you not going - why have her think that mommy and daddy are getting back together - there not so go - you have every right as his wife to attend this function. Also you will show the BM that you are not going to be bossed around or going anywhere you are here to stay and she better get used to it. You really need to train these BM's so they understand who is in charge of your DH and I don't mean this is a bad way - but my BM once when I told her DH would call her to stop all the emails wrote me and told me that would only put DH in the doghouse - I wrote back and said what doghouse yours - cause Honey he does not give a shit about your doghouse the only one he needs to worry about is the doghouse in my house. That shut her up real quick - so go if she makes a scene be very mature and calm which will get her more angry but will also make her look nuts - so see win win - you get to go and won't have the sick feeling of them being together and she may let her true self come out - you have a lot of years with this woman - let her know how it is right now!! Good luck!!

I'd go.

That woman has no right in the world to ask your husband to not respect you enough to bring you along to your SD's festivities. Who in the hell is she to play boss here?

She is the boss of nothing and never will be.

How in the world are we expected to be our husband's wife when we can't play the role? And that's because the BM is jealous and intimidated..who cares? The stepchild has a function and suddenly we have to make ourselves invisible. Life should NOT be that way.

I do not believe we should let the previous family take precedence over the family we've created now. BM is not a part of your family..but stepchildren ARE. Therefore, this bullshit about keeping up appearances of the former couple is exactly that..bullshit.

Go. That child will love the fact you are taking an interest in her. If BM doesn't like it, tough shit.