Why do we have to go in the bedroom when SD6 goes to sleep?

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It is getting on my last nerve. I work M-F and have the weekends off. EOWE we have SD6. Now, when she is here and it is "bedtime", for some reason, DH turns off all the lights (at 8pm on a Friday night?) and will say, "Let's go in the bedroom..." He will tip toe around, trying to be real quiet.

Why should I have to go to the bedroom at 8pm, on a Friday night? Can't he shut her door and IF she comes out to the main room, tell her to go back to bed? Now come on DH!

Question: Do you think DH does this to avoid any altercations? I mean, he might have to put his foot down, you know? I don't get this, when it was time for me to go to bed, you better believe I did such without question...

Ideas on how to change this situation? It's not like I am out there with the stereo to max volume or anything and since when do we have to "conform" to a 6 year old's bedtime? Unbelievable.

My FDH did this too! It

My FDH did this too! It would either be he let a 2 and 4 year old fall asleep with a TV until midnight OR he would let them go to bed when they wanted! Lying down with them and sneaking out! I put a stop to this right away! It was messed up! ADULTS makes the rules NOT KIDs! this is ridiculous! They now go to bed when they are told - we kiss them goodnight and shut the door and return to the living room! Everyone else should do the same!

One of the best pieces of

One of the best pieces of parenting advice I read after my DS was born was NOT to tip toe around, etc. when the baby was sleeping. So, I didn't, I just carried on with life and if people were over, they were not made to be quiet for the baby.

Today my DS is 20 and sleeps like a ROCK.

I am not sure if this works for older children, though, but I would say that your DH is treating SD like your home is HERS and YOU are the visitors!

Thank you first off for

Thank you first off for responding.

Yes! I've said a few things to him through the years. When I first met DH, SD6 was only 3. Both parents were still co-sleeping too! Oh yeah, and at 4, still in pull-ups! DH did the same thing too at first, he would try to get SD6 to "sleep" either in HIS bed or on the couch...not a peep.

I had to say something. I told him that IF he wanted me in his bed and as his wife, he would put a halt to the co-sleeping. He did and it was a nightmare because SD3-4 would still come and get into the bed at all times of the night. DH could not "handle" the fake crying.

So, SD6 has a bed now, and a room of her own. DH thinks because it is her bedtime, it should be ours too. Umm. No.

It is a freaking Friday night! Close the door! Not ours, SD6's!!! So what if she has a fit and demands why we are still up? I'm a 34 year old woman and you are 6!!! DH is over 40!!!!!!!!

NOYB why "we" are still up, go to bed. Period.

I think for the weekend to come that I am going to HAVE to say something again to him. Last time I just stared at him as he turned off all the lights and said, " Ummm. What are you doing?"

That didn't work so I need to be more blunt. I am not a 6 year old kid and I do not have to go to bed at the same time! Close.The.Door.

Cryaon-A lot of people sleep

Cryaon-A lot of people sleep with white noise (myself included)-has nothing to do with bad parenting lol or parenting at all. Just like some people need it completely dark.

I agree w/the OP though you do NOT conform your bedtime to the kids, ever.

YES it starts when they are babies-I did the same thing
skylark has..in that no noise difference w/the kiddos when they were in bed. I think the only times I did apply that was after several days of colic and extreme sleep deprivation on my part-do NOT wake the baby or else I'm leaving this house for a week to slip into a sleep coma lol.

But my kids got used to us being up from an early age while they were in bed. Yes, I'll lover the volume of the tv to where i can hear it fine but not loud as the boys listen.

Tell your DH this is nuts-you do not conform to a childs schedule and bedtime..you are the adults. You explain it to BOTH of them that her bedtime is just that and you guys can stay up because you're adults.

OH...and hate to say this, and i know she's 6...but 8pm on a Friday night?? A little early IMO. She can sleep in Sat right?

DH turns off all the lights

DH turns off all the lights (at 8pm on a Friday night?) and will say, "Let's go in the bedroom..."
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I would say "OH! You're going to bed already? Let me give you a kiss goodnight. I'll close SD's door so I don't keep her up since I'm staying out here. Have a good night!"

I would NOT go to bed. That is just plain silly.

I have to agree. I would NOT

I have to agree. I would NOT go to bed and pretend that it's my bedtime. At 35 I am allowed to stay up as late as I want in my own house. If any of the kids have a problem with it, they can deal. If DH has a problem with it then he can take his happy butt to bed without me.

Maybe 'ending' the evening

Maybe 'ending' the evening when SD goes to bed is part of his need to focus the weekend on the presence of his daughter - when she's asleep the day's over? Either that or he really is excessively frightened of waking her up - which is completely unnecessary. The only reason he can sustain such an unrealistic schedule is because she is only there EOWE. Would he go to bed at 8pm every night if she lived with him? No.

You could try something like "I know it's important that SD goes off to sleep well at night, but I was thinking perhaps we could try just having half an hour of quiet time while she goes off rather than all turning in at 8? Most parents don't go to bed at the same time as their children and it would be nice if we could have some quality time ourselves in the evening. We want things to be as normal as possible for SD don't we".

Other than that, if he starts turning the lights out and says 'let's go in the bedroom', I would just say pleasantly 'No, I think I'm going to stay up for a while, it's early yet and I've got some things I want to do' and turn some lights back on. You might find that if he sees you staying up regularly and SD is undisturbed he would start staying up too.

Don't dis the 4 year old in pull ups tho - my 3 nearly 4 year old has been a nightmare to toilet train and is still wearing pull ups at night!