Help!!!
Forums:
Wow where do I start? Please bare with me I don't know all the abbrivations. I married my husband two years ago this month. We have had a long 10 year on and off again relationship, so I know we were and are meant to be together. Well out of the wood works here comes a OLD FLING with a two year old baby that she wants child support, money for having the baby boy, and insurance. WHAT DO I DO? I do not know how I even feel
I'm sure you've already heard
I'm sure you've already heard this, but do NOT shell out a thin dime without a paternity test. Maybe it is your DHs kid. Maybe it isn't. But it never hurts to find out for sure.
If he is the father, he has just as much of a case for custody as the mother, and if he wants to raise the child himself, that's certainly a possibility. A lot of BMs change their tune when the blindsided Biodad files for 50% custody. Or more.
i agree with normajean, she
i agree with normajean, she will file for CS but may panic when the father actually wants access. and do not pay a cent until 100% sure.
Paternity test, paternity
Paternity test, paternity test, paternity test........
No test, no support.
IMHO of course.
If it turns out to be his child he should press charges against BM for kidnapping and keeping his child away from him. I have zero tolerance for the "Surprise! You have a kid now write me a check" crap. If criminal charges are not possible he should sue the shit out of BM for emotional distress and for the time he has lost with his child.
Grrrrr!!!!!
All IMHO of course.
LIKE LIKE LIKE!!!! ^^^
LIKE LIKE LIKE!!!! ^^^
Paternity test. If it is his
Paternity test. If it is his kid not only will he have to pay child support, but also back pay for the two years he wasn't paying. Plus he will have to provide health insurance for the kid. On top of that if she does take him to court to get all this he will also get visitation with his kid and TADA...you are now a stepmom! There is a lot to think about and a lot to talk about. I wish they had laws to prevent moms from pulling this crap. I've heard of cases where moms pop up after 15 years wanting child support and the dad never even knew he had a kid out there! Then the dad has to pay support AND back pay. It is ridiculous.
You poor poor thing, how dare
You poor poor thing, how dare she! i would be checking your dates though and looking into what was going on with your hubby and yourself at the time. Why did this woman not make him aware of this as soon as she was pregnant.
If it were me i would be making her pay for the paternity testing then going for custody of the child as Rags said she basically kidnapped this child and then popped up out of the blue, why? cos she ran out of cash probably.
I am vindictive though because that situation would really piss me off. Look into her means of support, is she a responsible parent? threaten full custody, you and DH are married and could provide a better life for this child. She wanted cash and all she gets is a nightmare, oh well thats her own fault }:)
Have you already established
Have you already established that the "fling" was when you and DH were on an "off again" segment? I sure hope so.....
The courts here are
The courts here are requesting he pay for the test, can she do that after 2 years? I know the date and we were just friends, I myself at the time was at the end of a nasty divorce that had taken over 2 years to complete, so that part I know my husband had NO contact after my divorce was final and we started to move on in our life. Is each state different about the kidnapping charges?
I think the point about the
I think the point about the time frame is you said you were in this off/on relationship for 10 years and have been married for 2. The kid is 2, so how could you have just been friends if you were in a relationship with him for 10 years? Anyway, yeah, she can come back after however many years and ask for child support. And he will owe for those first 2 years so he is already starting off behind. And they will make him pay for the test because it falls on him to prove he isn't the dad. Not fair, I know.
In many states, if he is not
In many states, if he is not the father, he can civilly sue her to be reimbursed for the cost of the test.
Courts don't usually
Courts don't usually request... Courts order. Is there a court order for the test?
I agree with paternity tests.
I agree with paternity tests. BUT, try and figure out what CS *would* be if this is his child. Then start putting that money away. If the paperwork comes back proving he's hte father, the BM could be awarded back pay. Food for thought
I just want to curl up and go
I just want to curl up and go to sleep. This has been a nightmare and I am sure I will wake up and this not exsist right? (I know that is not going to happen but wishful thinking) Between this and his ex-wife I just don't know what to do! UGH
I know I'll get beat for this
I know I'll get beat for this but dh could always sign away his rights if he wanted. He never knew the kid existed and now out of the blue she shows up wanting money? She shouldn't have kept his kid away in the first place. Dh has lost 2 years of bonding time with his son and that isn't fair. How does dh feel? If he wants to meet and know his son then obviously don't encourage him to sign off his rights. But if he really has no desire to meet a kid he didn't know he bad wih a woman he doesn't even know, then.... Just sayin'.
Actually I know someone who
Actually I know someone who did sign off their rights and not because anyone wanted to adopt the kid.