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Visitation Stand OFF - HELP

frustratedandangry's picture

Submitted by frustratedandangry on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 7:12am

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Step/Bio Father's Den

Hi,

My SS is 7 years old and we get him every other weekend. My DH has asked repeatedly for more time and has been shot down. We did get him 3 years ago for a whole week at once for a trip to Florida and then 2 years ago for a trip to Disney. These were HUGE. BM feels that they were big steps for her and that she bent over backwards to suit DH. Recently my DH asked again if SS could go on the family trip to Florida. She straight out told him no. He just got a call today stating that he can NOT pick up SS on Wednesday. DH wanted to because SS and DH have Veterans day and Friday off. BM said SS had something of Thursday night. DH said he would take him. BM got upset and said that DH had him for 5 days during the summer and that was enough. DH argued (spoke firm not yelled) that if you added his days up compared to hers he would get SS for 60 days a YEAR. Mom said she can't talk to him because he is too difficult to talk to and stated SS would be available Friday at noon and hung up. We have avoided court because of the cost of a lawyer and our very limited budget. I am calling the lawyer today and we will take a second mortgage if needed. We have joint custody with "parties aggreeing on visitation". Can anyone offer help on how to talk to BM or how to do a mediation?

Thanks.

pastepmomof3's picture

Submitted by pastepmomof3 on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 7:26am

DOCUMENTATION!! The "as parties agree" is a tough place because that really gives BM veto power. My DH has the same thing in his current order and although BM has been very reasonable with allowing DH visitation, we needed something a little "firmer" for a schedule, so the new order says 6PM Friday to 6PM Sunday, alternating holidays as agreed, and 2 full weeks of visitation in the summer, in addition to EOW visitation.

DH needs to put things in writing. Set up an email just for BM communication and keep everything. Even if a conversation is verbal, follow up with writing. It's the only way he will be able to prove what he's claiming.

Definitely get a lawyer. You can get a decent one on retainer for $1000 and get a lot done. Get a lawyer that ofers a free consultation first and find out what the costs are. A lawyer who charges hourly has worked out pretty well for us, especially being on a tight budget.

Good luck to you!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 9:11am

You have no choice but to spend the money on the lawyer. She is not playing fair. Also, if you don't enforce it now, when he becomes a teenager she will have done so much damage that he won't want to come and he has more rights as a teen to say no. Do something now and hire the lawyers.

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 9:49am

i agree with what everyone else has said, you will have no choice but to spend the money to get a lawyer. BM's like that wont play ball unless they are made to. (sometimes then, they wont, but some are scared of a court order and will follow it) Good luck. and document everything. Do you guys live close to SS where more time would be easily gotten?

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 3:33pm

Those "as the parties agree" rarely work out.

You can petition the court without an attorney. Go to the court clerk where the files are stored and pull divorce files (they're public) until you find one with a request to "Modify Visitation" and follow that format.

Get every last detail down in writing and ordered by the court including at least a month or one/half of summer vacation. There is absolutely no reason why the kid can't stay a length of time during the summer.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 11/01/2010 - 5:10pm

I would bite the bullet and go back to court for an ammendment to the visitation order.

I posted this as a repsonse to another blog but I think it applies here. Below are some excerpts from the Custody/Visitation/Support order that we have worked out in court for our son (my SS-18) over the past 16+ years. I recommend that you try to get something similar to the below included in a visitation schedule either through mediation or in court.

Good luck and best regards,

Visitation and Holidays.

Winter: On even years (Mr. BioDad) will receive visitation from the day school is out until Dec 26th. On odd years (Mr. BioDad) will receive visitation from Dec 26th until the day before school starts.

This takes care of Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Years Eve.

Spring: Every Sping vacation (Mr. BioDad) will have visitation with the minor child from the day school is out until the day before school starts.

Summer: Five weeks in the summer. (Mr.BioDad) will notify (Ms.BioMom) in writing 60 days prior to any summer visitation he intends to exercise. This notice will include the dates he intends to exercise visitation. Summer visitation can Include July 4th on Odd years.

Easter, July 4th, Thanks Giving, Birthday: On even years (Mr. BioDad) will have visitation with the Minor child for the Easter holiday and Thanksgiving holiday. On odd years (Mr. BioDad) will have visitation with the minor child on July 4th and on the child's birthday. Neither parent will have the child on the child's birthday for consecutive birthdays without the express consent of the other parent. For the purposes of this document Birthday will include the day prior to the child's birthday and the day following the child's birthday providing that the child does not miss school.

Weekends: In addition to the holiday schedule indicated above, at all times that the party’s live within 200 miles of each other (Mr. BioDad) will have the child for visitation every other weekend commencing when school gets out on Friday until 7:30 PM on Sunday.