Are all SKIDS unappreciative
This last summer BM/DW and I went to visit her parents and family in another country.(SS17 didn't want to go so he stayed with his BF) While there we bought souvenirs and some small presents for everybody here. We give them out through out the year for birthdays, christmas or any kind of occasion. Nothing expensive, just simple things you don't see here. Well tonight SS17 was sitting on the floor playing with the dog and BM/DW says SS17 we got you something and we forgot to give it to you.(Of course we already got him all kinds of things when we got back from the vacation, this was just something extra) Well I could see the look on his face which isn't the first time I seen that look and I knew "here we go". The first thing SS says is What is it?? Why did you get this for me?? He slowly looks in the bag with that look on his face, pulls it out of the bag and says again What is it?? Why did you get this for me?? He rips open the box and sets it on the floor and starts to demand WHAT does it do?? WHY did you get this for me?? BM/DW trys to explain and SS17 starts to argue with BM with that look on his face WHAT does it do?? WHY did you get this for me and then pushes it away and starts playing with the dog again and just ignores his MOM. The BM/DW says OK DH/me we just won't get SS17 anything any more and she gives me the little present.
I sat there and witnessed the whole thing while keeping my thoughts to myself because I could have gotten in a whole lot of trouble if I did what I wanted to do. I wasn't too surprised because SS17 has done these kinds of things many times. I don't understand how a kid can be so disrespectful and unappreciative to his MOM when she does so much for him. This really frustrates me and the bad part is BM/DW will put herself in that position again without even giving it a second thought. I really hate seeing DW go thourgh things like this. I didn't want to step in and say something and probably make matters worst. I usually pick and chose my battles with SS17 and this wasn't one of them. I don't think I could have done anything to make him stop being the way he is anyway.
Is this just because he is a teenager or just a rude SKID or something else??
The SS17 was definitely not
The SS17 was definitely not excited about getting a surprise, just rude. He really doesn't appreciate anything BM/DW and I do for him. In the beginning it bothered me but now I kind of let it slid off my shoulder. I really think SS17 is going to have some problems when he moves out and hopefully on his own.
I have known him for 7 years
I have known him for 7 years and he has always been like this "acting entitled". Always rude like the whole world revolves (at least our house) around him. Like BM/DW and I are to drop what ever we are doing so we can do something just for him. BM will not back off on doing for him, SS17 is her only child. The only time BM/DW will back off is when SS17 gets her really mad and then it's only for awhile. I let her know what I see and how I feel about it but she can not or will not control herself when it comes to her little SS17. This is probably the main thing that DW and I argue about. I learned to just let her handle SS17 in those situations and maybe DW will really see what is going on and realize she is only hurting her little SS17. I think it's too late to try to change him now and when he hopefully moves out and on his own, I think he will have some real problems in the real world away from Mommy and StepFather. That is what I am really concerned about.
I am not the forgiving kind
I am not the forgiving kind of person until the person who offended me earns my forgiveness. That takes a history of actions that indicate the person is worthy of my forgiveness. I am less forgiving of anyone who treats my wife poorly.
It would be a long time and a cold day in hell before that little shit got a damned thing out of me but advice and a swift kick in the ass. (The kick in the ass being figurative of course).
A child behaving like a child is one thing, but a 17yo acting like a 2yo is totally intolerable IMHO.
I would immediately ask SS-17 to step outside for a little man to man discussion on how he is treating your wife. It matters not that your wife is his mother. Actually his asshole teen crap is worse because the target of his bull shit is his mother.
I have had the "you will not treat or talk to my wife in any manner other than with respect" discussion with my son (SS). Just like my dad had the same discussion with me when I was a teen and was less than respectful to my own mother.
One tearful apology won't cut it with this situation IMHO. He needs to understand that disagreeing with his mom and with you is one thing, but being disrespectful will get him nothing but pure abject misery at the least and his ass beat by your wife's husband if he continues to treat your wife with disrespect. His choice. Be respectful to mom or have dad (Bio/Step it makes no difference) kick his ass. Or even worse, find himself out in the cold:?
A 17yo is old enough to either comply immediately with your instructions on this issue or to find his ass on the sidewalk and homeless if he does not and chooses to continue to disrespect your wife.
Have fun rubbing the idiot 17yos nose in his pile of shit until he realizes what an ass he is.
Best regards,
Thanks for your response and
Thanks for your response and insight. This is just one little incident that I have to witness and/or deal with. He doesn't do anything to me because we have had it out and discussed issues that I had/have with him. I also try not to put myself in the position where he can do his little thing, it's like I have to stay a couple of steps ahead of him. Most of the problems that I see is BM/DW let's him get away with it. In the beginning SS17 use to be very disrespectful to his BM, I mean yelling at her with anger and the evil look in his eyes and name calling. Well I put a stop to that and had the "You don't disrespect my WIFE talk" so that brought the level and intensity down quite a bit and he is now always looking over his shoulder when he starts to raise his voice. (he is looking for me). But he still has these little ways to disrespect BM/DW and in most cases I let them work out anything they don't agree on. But when it gets out of control, that is when I have to step in and lower the hammer. I can't seem to get DW to work with me on him. I try to explain to her that it's SS17 against BM/DW and myself. And if we work together then we can keep SS17 in line and make him a better person. She agrees with everything that we discuss about her little SS17 but when it comes time to apply everything we discussed, it all goes out the window so when I have to lower the hammer it's like I am all by myself. It now has become Me against SS17 AND BM/DW. At that point I know I am going to lose and look like a total jerk in front of SS17. Me being the StepFather, I have no authority when BM is on the other side and SS17 knows it. I will not or have not argued with BM/DW in front of SS17 because then it becomes our problem when it is really suppose to be all SS17's problem. I love my wife more then anything but at times like that I feel like "why am I here?"
I feel I can discipline this kid and still show him that I care for him but I can't do it without BM/DW's support. This was one thing I didn't expect when I joined the Stepping thing when I married my DW. I don't think I will be able to change things on my own so here I am dealing with it the best that I can while trying to keep my sanity. I don't want to ruin the relationship that I have with my wife so I only step in when I have to. Like when it gets out of control or out of hand.
I'd tell that kid to pack his
I'd tell that kid to pack his damn bags and get out! Tell him to go live with his father if he wants to be a jerk. Being a mom I have to put my BS6 in his place because I know if I don't it will only get worse as he gets older. And these guys are right. SS17 is acting like a spoiled rotten 2 year old. What is wrong with him!? So unappreciative! I'd kick my kids a$$ for being so ungrateful then I wouldn't give him s#@*! My FSS10 acts the same way. He is a spoiled rotten brat at his mothers house and she spends money and runs up credit cards like they are going outta style! When he comes here he expects the same thing and we just don't have that kind of money to blow! I'm like sorry! You can't always have what you want! This throws him in a s#@$fit. Oh frickin well! He's said plenty of times that he should just stay at his moms. I secretly agree. My FH pays child support every week to his EW even though 1) she makes 50K more than him a year and 2) we have him 7 months out of the year! It takes out of our pocket already! Plus she expects FH to pay for half of everything for FSS! I feel that we have him more than her so why is SHE not paying US anything!? Anyway...yo have a spoiled rotten SS and I too would give him a swift kick in the butt with a HUGE reality check...and maybe some counseling! But thats a moms POV! Hope it helps! Good luck!