Just let me know if I am wrong
Just finished having a discussion with my DH. And feeling a little agitated.
Long Story Short.
I work for an elite IT company that partners with and eilite software company that if you take and spend time on taking training courses for this elite software company you can earn points and reward yourself with stuff.
I spent all my points earned on getting xmas gifts for my SSs... A DSi XL, a regular DSi, and Maddan 11. Basically worth about 300 bucks. I'm like score! less we have to figure in for xmas gifts. I am thinking the Xmas gifts for the boys are basically done, maybe another 100 bucks for extra games and such.
Well, when I say to DH that the boys xmas gifts are about done he's like, "oh that's all were going to get them?, we haven't spent any money on their gifts yet. We need to get more than that, they are prioirty."
Um what!? Am I missing something? Do I actually have to spend cold hard cash on their Xmas gifts?
THoughts?
That is what I thought.. A
That is what I thought.. A new personal game system is pretty kick A$$. They don't know if i got it for free or not... Opens up money to spend on other things right???
How do I make DH see that?
Tell him that money WAS spent
Tell him that money WAS spent on them... otherwise you'd have spent those points on spa treatments/dishwasher/new clothes/home repair -- whatever else you could have redeemed them for. now that money is available for other things...like pampering YOURSELF instead of the skids for a change lol.
ROFL - naturalmom!!
ROFL - naturalmom!! "Yeah...NO"
As usual, I agree with you (naturalmom) 100%. That's just BEYOND insane. Please, please don't tell me that your SO also pays for lots of "extras" $$$ too for the skid(s) ("Precious6") on top of court-ordered CS $$$.
Sounds like your SO has a major case of "headuphisass"itis - he may need to get a prescription for that, poor man.
it ends up on competition
it ends up on competition over who is the better parent by who's got the better gifts on christmas morning
Yeah, years ago BM bought SD a new bike for Christmas. DH's comment was "now how do I top THAT?"
I replied that you're not supposed to "top" anything.
"money to affection" that is
"money to affection" that is a whole different subject... and I could go on. but yes. I think so.
touche'.... There's gonna be
touche'....
There's gonna be some surprises this Christmas...and they won't have ribbons and bows on them! I'm not getting for his skadults anymore...and even though I will keep reminding him of this, on Dec 24th, he'll look at me and ask me what I got for his kids. heheheheehehehe
I'd spend another $20-$30
I'd spend another $20-$30 stuffing stockings, maybe, but that's it.
If he's going to keep spoiling them like that, he might want to scale down the shopping and start saving bail money. Lawyers for those two are going to bankrupt him!
We don't spend alot on SD at
We don't spend alot on SD at Christmas time because her BM is the spoiling type (and that's all year round.) We don't have the money to compete with her, but I don't think we'd do it anyways! Each kid gets one big present and then a bunch of less expensive ones.
I agree - because we only
I agree - because we only have our SS EOW and only every-other Christmas, we don't really spend a lot of money on Christmas presents for any of the kids, we make birthdays the big thing. This is mainly because SS never has time to play with any toys we buy him anyway because he really isn't here that much and when he is we are out and about. Plus, my kids get so much stuff from family - I don't want a house full of plastic garbage toys lol!!
Seriously I only spend $100 per kid and that includes one 'expensive toy' that have specifically asked for.
Tell him that $300 is plenty!!!!
I'm not an anti-toy mum!! I just think Christmas is about more than how much you spend on toys, like having fun with your family!! Go out and spend $5 on some water-guns and water-bombs and they'll have a blast for Christmas!!!
Ugh. You are NOT wrong.
Ugh. You are NOT wrong.
You just spent most of a car payment on the skids - what does he want to do, up that to a mortgage payment?
Money does NOT equal love or affection. That's a lesson our BM has not learned, but SD14 has. Last year we got SD14 a netbook ($300) and a plane ticket ($350) to come see us. She was thrilled. BM tried to tell SD14 that she should be disappointed that she didn't get more. SD14 showed us the email and asked us why her mother would say something like that - it really bothered her.
Unlike a lot of the families on ST, we can afford to shower SD14 with presents. We could attempt to buy her affection. But we don't; time and attention are much much more valuable than just spending the cash. Kids know that, and if they don't, they'll realize it when they grow up if they are decent people.
StepAside, I feel the same
StepAside, I feel the same way.
This morning I told DH, "As much as I dislike BM and disagree with her parenting style, somehow she's managed to raise a sensitive and caring and smart kid." Given the stories here, I would expect to have to deal with a BM clone, but she's not, and I don't know why.
As I've always said, my issues are with BM, not SD14. Somehow, SD14 is a very caring girl and has a talent for observing people (including BM) objectively. It gives me high hopes that we're actually going to be able to make a productive citizen of her, rather than a member of the Entitlement Generation.
I'm speechless at his
I'm speechless at his ingratitude!! YOU spend YOUR hard earned points on HIS kids and it's not enough?
Give him the things you got for the kids, hold your hand out for the $300 and go pamper yourself. Never, never spend your own money on skids again and demand a limit on joint money that is to be spent on them. DH needs to get his head out of his posterier region!!
If DH feels the need to spend
If DH feels the need to spend money...tell him what you would like for Christmas (equaling roughly what would have been spent on the skids presents had you not used company reward points). You unselfishly used YOUR reward points afterall...
I think I understand your DH
I think I understand your DH completely.
I do... just LOVE Christmas. I love to buy my children numerous gifts.... and I get a thrill out of watching them open every single one. I want the tree to be overflowing with gifts! The more, the merrier...
So.. that being said.... it does not mean I second mortgage the house to do it. I start early.... I buy things on sale.... I buy them a couple things they really want, and then the other things are things they NEED that I would normally buy anyway on a weekly basis. Clothes, etc.....
It is important to sit down with your husband and find out what Christmas means to him and how he envisions it. What he loves most about Christmas. If he is anything like me.... he gets more of a thrill out of the whole gift opening thing and decor... than any other day of the year. And I would almost bet, he would be willing to sacrifice some serious spending money of his own, to be sure that happens.
Also.... remember, that Christmas isn't all about SPENDING MONEY... but many other things too. May I ask how old this children are?
I can assure you, that most parents.... have a difficult time stopping the gift buying for their own children. They love them, and they use this time of the year to lavish fun gifts on them. Try to understand him and consider this an opportunity for YOU to score a few points with the kids by using Christmas as a way to create Love and warmth in your home.... not with buying gifts, but the decor, the atmosphere, baking for them, baking for others, baking for them to give with others.... get them involved in the celebration.
It sounds as if YOU have chosen some of the gifts for the children.... how about sending your DH out to do some choosing of his own too? That way he get his "fill" too!
I am the QUEEN of Christmas.... and my grown children to this day..... think Christmas is the most fantastic season of the year and they have deep, fond memories of it.
"he should.." replies. I've
"he should.." replies. I've heard those too, and it's so hard because we already know what our DH's should do. Getting them to do it is something else.
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I totally get what your saying.... and would just add, that you don't have to get them to do
anything. I stopped. Stopped asking, suggesting, all of it. If he wants to do it, he will.
If it doesn't get done - not my fault or my problem.
Funny thing is, for me it was the skids who always said thank you, as they knew it was me who did the shopping/wrapping/thoughtful things.... and dh took it for granted.
Now he is a bit pissed, but I let it slide off my back. And the skids... well, lets just say that I don't really hear from them too often now.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the replies. Helps me understand on how I can maybe have a straight forward conversation with him.
I know he does love his kids very very much and I think sometimes he thinks he can only show that is through gifts. Probabaly becuase they live so far away. IDK
But at the same time if he doesn't understand my point of view on this then next time you betcha, I'm getting the jewlery or spa treatment instead!