Heavy hearted today.........
I am feeling very sad today. I think everything is starting to get to me. My DH hurt his back a while back so he has been off of work for a while. Workers comp tries to screw him every other week so we just have been going on my salary as far as the bills are concerned. So my DH is home and he tries to clean and do what he can and then his back hurts and he can't do anymore. I understand, but it ends up if he doesn't do it, then guess who does. I work full time so by the time I walk in my door, it's helping with dinner. DH has been doing it, but I help. Help with dinner, listen to SS10 whine about what on his plate he doesn't want to eat (EVERYDAY), do the dishes, straighten up the house, help with homework and see what was wrong and help fix it. Watch SS10 stare at his homework b/c he doesn't wanna do it. So an hr later he is still fixing problems that are wrong. Him and my BD6 do homework right when they get home, but I check over it sometime after dinner, so an hr later he is still fixing 4-5 problems. So now, when I walk in the door, I haven't sat down and relaxed, sometimes I don't even take my work clothes or work badge off until 9pm. That is the time I usually get to sit down. I walk in the door at about 5. I am just worn out.
In my mind I see DH right now as an at home dad that can do more than he does. I know he's hurting, but it's like I work all day and then come home to a half cleaned house and all I am thinking is REALLY? does the house look like this AGAIN? On top of that, when DH checks SS10's grades on-line, he's failing 3 core classes. SS's response as to why he doesn't wanna do the homework and turn it in? he just didn't want to do it and IDK. OH, SO YOU JUST DON"T WANT TO SO IT"S OK. I would let him fail and see what it would be like to sit in the same grade b/c he doesn't care. (not really, but I would like too)
So it's dealing with the same issues EVERYDAY/WEEK. I know that's just how it is but mannnnnnnnnnnnn, it just seems like it's so repetitive that I am not feeling happy now. I am a person who is ALWAYS smiling and I feel like now I am partially smiling and crying on the inside. I want to yell, scream, cry and run for the hills all at the same time.
Is there anyone else that feels like this right now? It's ok if not, I just needed to get that out b/c it's on my mind heavy today.
I can sympathize with you.
I can sympathize with you. My hubby is on full disability/comp from an on the job injury. He has good days and bad days. The difference with us, is that he was already on dis/comp when I met him so I knew what I was getting in to. I sometimes get pissy that I have to work all day, pick up 9 month old from MIL, come home, get dinner, take care of baby, do laundry, dishes etc and he has been in bed all day. But I have to remember that it's not like he's being lazy, he is in pain and I know when I am in pain I just want to lay in bed too! I'm lucky in that I don't have to deal with Skids on top of all of this on a daily basis... I think I would lose my mind if I did!
He does try to help when he can, he is really good with our baby and he'll cook dinner sometimes. Sometimes he gets really frustrated because HE feels worthless, and I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for him to see me doing basically everything while he lays in bed. Then of course there's the stigma that society places on men to be the breadwinners, man of the household, etc.
Can't you get SS and BD to pitch in and help with some of the household chores? If not, do you have any family or friends that could help you even just one or two days a week to ease the load?
It does become 10x's as hard
It does become 10x's as hard with SS10's issues. It's like taking on a kid that doesn't know up from down and starting from scratch. So it's teaching a 1st grader new things and teaching a 5th grader with a grade level of a 3rd grader old and new things. You have to know the old to get to the new and it's not working. We just put him in an after school tutoring so hopefully that will help.
They do pitch in a bit. They are supposed to straighten their rooms daily and clean up after themselves after dinnner. We have been having them clean a bit more on the weekends. After dinner is over SS10 is still fixing homework for a long time, then shower, read and bed. So sometimes there is no chance for him to help. SD could a bit. Now that I think about it, maybe after homework and before dinner they could help out. I am going to have to talk to DH about that one.
The whole situation just becomes frustrating. I know DH can't do that much and I thought of maybe seeing how much it would cost for a house keeper to come and clean 1 day a week. I even start to think I was cheated in life...as bad as that sounds. I love my DH and would do anything for him, but I have been thinking twice lately and I hate to even think like that. We have been through a lot the first couple years we were together that when we FINALLY got married, I told myself I couldn't deal with anymore craziness. I have been, and I think that is why it's wearing thin. By the time I sit down at night, I am ready for bed and almost don't even want to hook up with my DH when he tries. It's like I am annoyed and tired.
Momster: Thank you for the
Foxie; Dad does help out with homework, but he loses patience trying to show SS10 how to do something when he doesn't get it after the couple times explained. I have more patience so he waits until I get home to help him out. I think the crockpot will def. come into play more. I thought of maybe putting together more meals on Sunday so it could be ready for the week, but that is sometimes my only day to rest fully. I did put together a chore chart a month ago, but didn't fully finish it. I think I am going to do that after I am done typing. Time to get on the same page like you said. I don't want to be the mom on the news that tied her family to the chairs just so I could get some peace and quiet and get some cleaning done. heheh.
I was just reading through
I was just reading through and thinking "I need to suggest a crock pot". It's a wonderful thing to have. I don't use mine enough, but it's a great help from time to time! On weekends (and if you have the time/energy/desire) make a meal or two and freeze them for later in the week when you are the most tired at the end of the day. Invest in paper plates and plastic cups/dinnerware and give yourself permission to just throw it away after dinner on some nights.
And I also agree with getting the kids help with chores..even if only small chores or just a couple days a week...it helps YOU! Just about anyone over 5 years of age can push a Swiffer around! It may be a little more expensive, but buy the wipes that already have cleaner in them-it's easier for kids to use. Windex wipes for windows, mirrors and TV's. Pledge wipes makes dusting easy, too! It may not be a crystal clean house, but it's better than it piling up and waiting for you!
I am having surgery next month and already planning on things to get done beforehand to make it easier on DH--who will be taking care of everything by himself for a couple weeks!!
It's funny you should say
It's funny you should say it's his job b/c I was having the convo about that last night. I said we can help you get 100% on your homework after you do it and we help you fix it by showing you what's wrong, but in the end YOU have to know it. If you don't know it, you wont pass your tests and quizes which make up a big part of your grade. Then when you go to the next year, your going to be behind, like now. Since he said he just doensn't wanna do the homework and that is why he lies and hides it from us. I said there are a ton of things in life that your not going to want to do, but you have too. You are responsible for your own work, not someone else. I said when your older and you get a job I want you to tell your boss that ehhhhh, you don't wanna do the work. You know what happens, nothing b/c you would be gone already. He would kick you to the curb and bring someone else in to do your job.
Also, 5th grade is basically the changing point in school. You switch classes and things get harder and if you don't ask for help, we wont know you can't do it. We will think your being lazy.
DH says to SS were not going to do this again are we? (lie and skip homework) and SS10 said nooooooooo. Of course he wont, not daddy's little angel. Until 2 days later when he does it again b/c he wont get caught until the grades are updated in the computer.
How come when my arm gets
How come when my arm gets tired (1/2 way thru vacuuming the house) - I don't quit and rest (i.e. watch T.V. for 3 hours)?
Is he doing physical therapy for the back issue? Or stretching / home remedies? If he's like my DH no. The TV is the therapy for everything that ails him.
He was doing physical therapy
He was doing physical therapy for a while and it only helped a bit. He does stretches too. When he went back to the last doc. appointment the doc told him basically that he thought physical therapy wouldn't work overall and surgery might not either. So basically DH is just under the impression that now is how he is going to be forever. Which it's possible he might be, and since he tried physical therapy already he thinks maybe the doc is right. He was dealing with a couple docs at the time and it came down to that. So he is restricted to not lifting anything over 20lbs for life or bend down/squat for long periods of time. So there goes his job he's been doing for close to 10 yrs. He was released to go and get another job light duty w/those restrictions-FOREVER. It's hard to find a job now anyway, now find one w/limitations? it's hard.
Yeah, DH likes the tv and remote in hand curled up on the couch. PS3 is in rare form and my foot is gonna be up someone's A** real soon. I think I need a yoga class/boxing class. Learn to release stress and calmly put my foot up there