Don't know what to do!?
Hey, I'm a newb so sorry to just let it all out like this.
I have been with my partner for 7yrs, we have 2 children together who are 3 and 18months, he has a son who is 9yrs old and I just can't take it any more!
No one is willing to see that he has serious problems!! He constantly lies, he is not allowed to be alone with our kids because he is violent with them and says awful things to them, he is antisocial and manipulative beyond words!
My partner doesn't want the fight with the bm to get him back to councelling, she has started a degree in behavioural studies so no one has to know he has issues. She will call and talk to ME about it for hours at a time because she knows I understand, but won't do anything about it beyond that.
He is violent with bm's other children to the point where she can't leave them alone together (he stabbed his sister in the neck with a pencil so hard it bled and threw a glass mug in her face and she is only 4!) He has problems with female authority to the extent that if he has a female teacher his marks will drop substantially.
I think he has real issues. And I am constantly stressed that he is going to really injure one of my kids one day. I feel like he is just going to get worse and worse and then as a teen he is going to be out of control.
Any suggestions?! Am I being too overdramatic?
It's like he is acting for the whole weekend while his dad is around and then as soon as it's just me he is a whole different person who is awful and nasty. And I don't think it is just for me - he does it to his mum as well!
I don't think you are being
I don't think you are being overly dramatic. I would tell my husband that you feel like he desperately needs to see a child psychiatrist. If your DH insists that nothing is wrong, then tell him that you would like to hear a professional say that.
Obviously this kid needs
Obviously this kid needs therapy. For his father to know that he is violent with the other kids and take the stand of not wanting to have to fight the BM, is just crazy. It is unacceptable. How will he feel if his son hurts another child or you????
You're right, without help, he will get worse. If your SO isn't going to actively parent this child, then he needs to keep him far away from the younger and more vulnerable kids. Personally, I would tell him this..... Either you fight with her to get this kid the mental health help that he so obviously needs, or you're going to be fighting with me b/c THAT KID WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED HERE! Period. Your other children have a right to grow up in a happy and healthy environment, and it is your reponsibility to keep them safe. All you're doing by taking a stand with your SO, is being a good mother.
Keep us updated and best wishes.
My partner doesn't want the
My partner doesn't want the fight with the bm to get him back to councelling, she has started a degree in behavioural studies so no one has to know he has issues.
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First of all, this is shocking to me. Why on earth would you educate yourself in disorders and behaviours for the sole purpose of learning how to hide it? That's downright cruel - what she should be doing is learning enough to know how to respond properly and how to help him. If he genuinely has some kind of mental illness or disorder, and it's likely he does, he really should be, at the very least, evaluated. IMO, the "fight" with BM over counselling or therapy would be worth it if it helped him. It's borderline abusive in my mind to accept that he has behaviour issues and potentially mental disorders but then opt to use that information to find out how to hide it. The sooner those kind of things are brought to attention and dealt with the better the chances of treatments and therapies. I'm kind of appalled.
As far as getting older goes, a lot of behavioural disorders can be affected one way or the other at puberty - meaning they could get much better or they could worsen. The only thing you can really do is be proactive - maybe do some reading on different disorders and ASD symptoms in particular and being it to the attention of your partner if it would help. This is *not* one of those times where it's better to ignore it for the sake of peace.
You are so dead on this!
You are so dead on this! This boy needs some SERIOUS intervention right now. He is at the upper age group to continue this scary behavior into later years. If BM has a problem with counseling for her son, then document everything he has done and take it to court. You don't even need an attorney for this one.
As someone who is trained to do therapy with others, I would still never try with my step children because there are boundaries! You don't do therapy with family - ever! If BM wants to educate herself on the issues going on with her son, that's great, but this kid needs the help of a professional who has been practicing for a while and is more familiar with mental health than BM can hope to be for many, many years.
This kid sounds very scary.
I hate to say this but I
I hate to say this but I wouldn't let him back into the house with your kid's until he get's counseling and maybe a psych test. I went through the same thing with my bf's daughter. I wonder with my bf's daughter if she is a sociopath. I know it sound's bad, but in my situation this kid has walked up to my sleeping cat and started punching it, she's taken a lighter to my bathroom wall, thank God it didn't catch on fire. I realized what she'd done when I noticed the smoke stain's going up the bathroom wall. She lie's and steal's incessantly. Has no remorese whatsoever!!! I've kicked BF out twice for the behavior. He's home right now and thing's actually seem to be going good. Im alway's on edge though waiting for the next bomb to drop. His son need's help, and you need to protect your babie's. You don't sound wrong or overly dramatic, I have the same feeling's in my situation. I would INSIST on some type of help for this kid. Remember you are the only PROTECTION that your children have!!
It doesn't sound bad - I have
It doesn't sound bad - I have totally thought my ss was a sociopath before - in a serious way. Although she really does sound like a sociopath. So even better that you are really watching for those behaviours to worsen so at least you can intervene!
Thanks everyone - I had one
Thanks everyone - I had one of my friends (a teacher with a kid in her classed diagnosed as odd) tell me that that's what she though he had.
We've also asked the bm to al least take him to the school councellor, but apparently they have been on long-service leave for 3 yrs and counting.
We have taken him to see a psychologist, but it was before we knew the extent of the things he was doing and now looking back to when I first met him (when the ss was 3) he was really off then too - we were just all to young to know any better. He used to just pee everywhere if he didn't get what he wanted at his mums - but never at our house. Would not ever play with other children. Just little thing that all seem to add up now.
Anyway, when we took him to see the psychologist he just lied about everything and put on his little act, and so did his mum! 'oh no, he never really does that' - my arse!!
I have told my partner that the ss is not allowed to live with us full-time ever unless he is in therapy (we only see him every 2nd weekend), and that if he ever did anything I considered over the line to our kids he would not be welcome in my home. He agreed to that. I will keep pressuring - it just keeps me up thinking about it all the time.
Oh the bm is a full on whack-job as well. She is so obsessed with looking like a 'normal' family she just ignores it.
Thanks everyone - I love this site lol!
Soooo scary, it's like they
Soooo scary, it's like they are little serial killers in the making. Anything that begins with Antisocial or ODD is something that you really, really need to put your foot down and be careful. *Hugs*