ADULT SKIDS CONSTANTLY ASKING FOR INHERITANCE - OFFENSIVE!
Adult SS 35 and SD 34 have been fixated about what they are going or not going to get in an inheritance for years. SS 35 and SD 34 had the audacity to try to blackmail H into giving them H's inheritance when H's mother died by refusing to talk to him. It has been three years. The few times SS 35 and SD 34 did talk to H it always centers around what SS 35 and SD 34 are going to get and attempts to get promises from H. SS 35 and SD 34 have expressed extreme anger over the fsct that H does not own much to give them and that I actually am the one that owns a majority of the property (paid for with my seperate funds). I have become number one enemy since they found this out - before they found this out I simply did not exist in their minds.
I find this behavior reprehensible. Has anyone else experienced this? Do all of these adult skids care only about what they will get or not get when H dies?????? Does anyone else have skids that do not acknowledge SMs ability and right to have seperate property.
SS 35 in a recent conversation thought that he could increase his chances of getting more inheritance if he told H that none of it would go to BM. WTH is that ????? Absolutely no attempt to apologise or make amends for 3 years of bad behavior and manipulation attempts he just expects to ask and say he won't give monies to BM and H will hand it over!
Does anyone else's adult skid feel as though they are entitled to SM's property even if they are and have always been openly ugly to SM.
Does anyone else suspect that BM was sitting out there ploting and hoping that SM would one day be vulnerable when H dies because then she and skids could swoop in and try to make SM lose thier home because skids would then own a portion?
I suspect that BM felt that this would have been the ultimate revenge on me based upon previous comments made by skids. However, her plans were thwarted because H and I have always had seperate property, the property is actually mine - paid for by me. Like I said BM and skids were scarey mad when they were told this! H and I also have very tight wills that will protect BDs when and if they inherit before they are old enough to handle things. An outside party is executor who has been informed about SS 35 and Sd 34's lack of charcter and suspected attempts to manipulate BDs.
I quess I am trying to find out if this is a common theme or if my skids are greedier than most. Would this constant talk about the premature death of you or your spouse bother you?
Does your H support you or is he blind to this type of offensive behavior. I told my H that if my own BDs ever talked this way to me in every conversation we had I would tell them I would disown them and make sure what little I had would go to charity.
Is it normal for adult skids to think that they are even entitled to anything of their Dads if they have spent the last 3 years trying to blackmail him by not talking to him. I would have been so embarrased to approach someone I treated so badly. Not them - constant maniplation and game playing.
Who will inherit what is at
Who will inherit what is at the discreation of the person who owns the property. Biological ties do not automatically guarantee the right to inherit. You may wan to inform Mr and Ms IAMENTITLEDTO that state and federal laws grant YOU the right to name your heirs not the other way around.
My situation is similar, I
My situation is similar, I know exactly how you feel.
My DH and I have been married 8 years. BM has done everything in her power to try to ruin our marriage. SDs have completely sided with her and tried to manipulate us into buying everything they want. One is now in college, the other finished, neither have ever had jobs (BM has only a part-time job and has trouble making ends meet, see a pattern?). DH gets angry, but it wears off quickly and he continues to let them play games with him. They blame him for their decision to not be a regular part of his life. Eventhough they continually bad mouth me, they expect me to "buy them". The fact that I won't only fuels their anger (they know I make more money than DH).
The biggest difference in our situations is that my SDs haven't asked for an inheritance outright. Instead they have manipulated DH's parents into financial ruin.
They just don't get that they have to earn their own way in this world. My daughter will soon be 16 and EXPECTED to work.
I'm glad to know that my SDs are not the only manipulative steps, it's hard not to take it personally!
Our situation is not really
Our situation is not really that far removed as SS 35 was working on H's mother when she passed away and would have taken everything he could - I think he managed to get some. I believe that this is why he was so upset when she died and her will divided everything up between her sons. Grandchildren were not included. All that work for nothing!!!!!!!
SS 35 was telling H's mother all kinds of poor me stories designed to make her take sides against H, myself and our children! It was interesting to watch though as SS 35 never even liked her until he decided he would suck up hoping for some type of gain a year or two before she died. It was also interesting to watch H's mother's reaction. He took advantage of her for vacation costs once (under the guise that he was taking her somewhere but of course she had to pay all costs - including his!!!!). He tried a second time but she did not fall for it a second time! She knew he was only after money because she had warned me to watch out for him just one month before she died based upon what SS 35 was telling her. She was lonely though and he was willing to suck up so I quess she used him. SS 35 now claims that H's mother did not like me but I never noticed anything from her - plus she asked to come live with me just 2 weeks before she passed so I think that is the strongest indication that she liked me just fine.
SS 35 and SD 34 are just mad that their plan to take everything or get her to change her will failed!!!!!
When my SS was 10, he asked
When my SS was 10, he asked his father what was going to happen to his money, the house, the cars and his life insurance money. Not exactly a normal question for a 10 yo, esp when BM is having money problems. DH told the kid he was leaving everything to the animal shelter. The kid said "what about mom, she needs it". We knew at this point, he had over heard something in her home. The next question was....."Mom wants to know if you still have her shotgun?"
Longtime SM - if your husband
Longtime SM - if your husband can stand it, I would ask him to tell SD and SS that he wants to have a family meeting with you, him, them and his attorney. At that meeting, in my dream world, your DH would tell SD and SS that they are not getting ANY INHERITANCE. NOTHING!! And when they cry, or act out, or ask why. Tell them. You didn't talk to me for 3 years over money so instead of that making me want to give you more, it had the opposite effect. Your actions - your constantly asking for money, your constant insistence of being treated as equals to young children, your outright greediness, asking for money when I am not even dead yet - has assured your inheritance of ZERO! The attorney here is witness to this conversation, and to any threats that will come about because of this. Think carefully on how you want to proceed because we are now legally done. You didn't talk to me to get money and now you can not talk to me as there is no longer a reason to. You have your answer.
You guys don't need this sh*t in your lives. Spend your money on the rest of your own lives and your two small children. And let those 2 adults grow the f*ck up!
Hugs girl. This stuff just pisses me off. And I am sure that your husband is devastated by it, but when will enough be enough?
Delicianirene - I think I
Delicianirene - I think I understand what you are getting at. Where perhaps the husband's feelings should be looked at a little harder?
I usually err on the side of looking at the other's viewpoint. Many times, I have been accused of playing Devil's Advocate, when really, all I am doing is looking at it from the other side.
"And I'm sure your husband is devastated by this, but... ." means exactly what it means. We can allow and appreciate certain things so much, but then there has to be an "Enough" phase at some point in time - don't you agree?
Her husband is devastated - or so I imagine - at being looked at for inheritance when he isn't even dead yet. That is crushing. What is in the best interest of Longtime SM's, HER HUSBAND and their marriage? In my opinion, it's understanding that yes, it is sad that there may be severe repercussions of doing as I suggested, but on the other hand, which is worse? Losing your children because you have told them straight out that their own actions caused their disinheritance? Or, having you children consistently remind you that they are waiting for you to die - for money?
As much as I hate to see my husband hurting- whom I truly love with all of my heart and soul - as much as I would hate to see him hurting, I would hate even more for someone to be waiting for him to die - so they can collect. Those kids do not deserve that man's love or his money at this point.
And I was very surprised to read that some people think that the kids have a "right" to inheritance strictly out of bloodlines or whatever. I couldn't disagree more. I think inheritance is a gift. I think that people should use their money while they are alive - to enjoy their last years - or do whatever they have worked for their entire lives. I think counting on getting $$ from someone when they are dead kills our souls as human beings.
Did I understand what you were saying to me? Or did I read it wrong?
And Delicianirene - I didn't
And Delicianirene - I didn't take offense at all, so I hope my answer reads as that. I just wanted to make sure I understood what you were saying.
I absolutely agree with
I absolutely agree with Stick. I live in Louisiana and the inheritance laws are very specific. Without wills stating otherwise, if my hubby were to die I would be granted usufruct of MY home and property which would mean that I can live in the property and even prevent my SD from coming on to the property. However, if I fell on hard times and wanted to sell it, then I would have to ask her permission to do so and then I would have to give her half of the proceeds. It would also automatically become hers if I were to die. I DON'T THINK SO!! We have wills in place which cancel out usufruct. So now if I die first then hubby can do whatever he likes with the property - so if he wants to leave it to her, then so be it. If he dies before me, I get the same. The estate is mine to do with as I choose. All she gets is some personal effects he has left her which I have no interest in. If we both die at the same time or within 3 months of each other then the estate is split between SD and my sister. I was very specific that no way should she be entitled to what both of us have worked long and hard for - especially since she isn't my daughter. Poor little princess has no idea! (wicked, evil grin!) (shouldn't be like that but if you all knew her you would understand!) She thinks we owe her something and she is entitled to daddy's money. Still, what can you expect - she's only nearly 30!!
Old Dart To clarify - I am
Old Dart
To clarify - I am not cutting anyone out of a inheritance that is rightfully thiers. I am a firm believer though that NOONE IS EVER OWED AN INHERITANCE. H and I do have minor bio daughters together. The property and money in question is mine and I earned all of it by myself with no help from H. Some of the money was mine from before I even married. H and I have always had seperate property. Skids have no right to anything that is mine. Even so, for years I helped support and take care of H's kids from his first marriage. Their ODUH BM never wanted skids to be a part of my life - except when it came to my money. Skids, even as adults, do every thing that ODUH BM wants them to do so of course they never wanted to recognize me no matter what I did.
These skids are now in middle age. Our two bio children are still minors. Skids have not talked to me since they found out that the money is mine and have done nothing but call me names for years and have huge adult temper tantrums and meltdowns demanding an inheritance. Last I looked we aren't dead yet. I am done doing anything for adult skids. My minor children deserve to be taken care of if anything happens to me - I have already done everything I am going to do for Skids. So my estate is designed to protect biokids from skids as they are now trying to manipulate my biokids - with little success.
It is nice that you old dart have a nice relationship with your skids and you have no bios of your own to complicate your inheritance issues but that is not my situation.
Adult skids and their ODUH BM (60 and single) are just angry that H has nothing much to get which is why they want what is mine. Not my fault ODUH BM took everything when they divorced and left him in debt and he has never recouped from it. Instead H has been content to have me pay the bills and support the family all of these years. After all of the years that I have been saddled with all of this responsibility I will never hand over anything to someone that dispises me just because I was their father's second wife. None of thier conitinued manipulation whether they are having another tantrum or on their best fake behavior will change anything. I will never leave a dime to a skid that would emotionally (has done) and (possibly tried to) physically harm my bio kids. The executor of my estate (not H for obvious reasons) has strict instructions that they are to protect my bio kids from adult skids.
Again I am glad that your situation is differant but we as srepparents have to deal with the situation that the exs leave us with.
Longtime - I have a great
Longtime - I have a great relationship with my SD. But I can tell you that if she EVER acted like she was demanding anything from me for inheritance - money - property - etc. I would not hesitate to do the exact opposite and not give it to her.
Over the past few years, my husband has presented me with quite a bit of Swarovski crystal. Vases, cake plates, bowls, candlesticks and more. It is absolutely beautiful, and I am lucky to have such a wonderful collection.
One time, my husband told me that he had told SD that she would get some it when we pass on, as heirlooms. I was completely incensed. It is a gift TO ME!! That means that when I die, I get to give it to anyone that I want to.... my nieces, my nephews, and SD, yes. But not all of it is going to her, and for her - or him - to think that is wrong, if it is indeed a gift to me. My DH agreed and said that I can will it to whomever I choose, and we made sure that SD understood right from the get -go that this is not all just going to be hers someday.
I don't have a lot right now. I don't have a lot of money or property. All of my life insurance is going to DH. Who in turn will take care of SD. I absolutely 100% believe I have been GIVEN a gift and when I die - I will share that with many of the children in my life - not just SD.
So I agree with you. There are other children to be taken care of. And no one demands or is entitled to anything when we die. Least of all anyone that feels they are OWED it.
I'm sorry you are going
I'm sorry you are going through this. While mine havn;t said anything to the effect of getting anything when dh dies I know that when it happens they are going to go nuts b/c I am in charge of everything and it all goes to me and dh left me instructions that the skids get nothing but momentous, no monies at all. The reason is b/c they will get plenty from bm and her family and If I gave them anything I'd have nothing left. dh wants me to pay off our house and cars after the funeral and stuff. We put everything in my name for a reason. They are going to be so mad. But of course as dh said bm got half his 401k and retirement when they got divorced so why should she get anything that he built up after wards? I mean if bm dies do you think think dh would see any of her money????
My DH and I had a
My DH and I had a conversation about taking care of the kids in the event of one of us passing. I have much less to offer than he does (financially), but he has promised that he would make sure my BD is taken care of. And, likewise, I would make sure his kids are taken care of. For all the kids, it will be in the form of a trust fund that will be available upon graduation from college or when they turn 30...whichever comes first. God forbid, anything happens to him before the kids graduate h.s. because I will not financially care for his kids the same way he does (he has 100% financial responsibilty since there was no CS order in the divorce). I will certainly not be helping BM pay for clothes, school supplies or anything else. I will happily put a really nice trust fund together for them, but the terms will be the above mentioned. The same for my daughter, if I should proceed DH. DH should not be expected to help exH pay for her needs, but will make sure she has a trust fund set aside.
Hey you don't have to be a
Hey you don't have to be a skid to expect/want money from your folks. A couple years ago, my older sister once asked my parents if she could have her inheritance "now" instead of waiting. Our parents are in their 70's. My sister is the oldest kid in our family (she and I are in our 50's now). My mother said "Um we are not dead yet" and they promptly changed me to the will executor!!! A job I don't relish but will do responsibly and distribute their estate exactly to their wishes. Something I don't really trust she would do as she has a way of rationalizing that she needs or deserves more...
Nellie
We don't have this problem
We don't have this problem with our Skid. He is an only child in our family but has three younger also out-of-wedlock half sibs by the SpermIdiot. The sad thing is that for nearly his entire life our son (my SS) has had to hear how CS for him takes food out of his half sib's mouths, how it is not fair that he has nice things and his half sibs don't, etc...
We did what we coult to lock our will up tights so that the SpermClan have little chance of ever getting a dime. If either my wife or I pre decease the other the surviving spouse is the sole heir and beneficiary. In the event of our joint demise 100% of our estate goes in to trust executered by a third party with guidance from my dad and brother until SS graduates with a bachelors degree from an accredited school or he turns 40. The trust can only pay for basic food, housing, books and tuition but only with submittal of grades of B or better. Upon graduation or age 40 control of the trust transfers to SS who will have full access to the income of the trust but can not get access the principle until the SpermGrandParents and SpermIdiot are dead.
What your Skids are doing is just sick. I have a cousin who is doing the same to her parents (my great uncle and aunt). Currently the manipulative cousin is countered by a younger sib with inmpeccable character but the torture my great uncle and aunt are having to bear is sick.
I think the way to deal with your scumb bag Skids is to tell them outright that due to their total lack of character that they will each receive $1.00 in the will and that is it.
My understanding is that naming them in the will minimizes the possibility of them contesting it later. But, I am not a legal professional.
Maybe one of our legal pro's can comment?
Best regards,
Rags - this is a very
Rags - this is a very interesting point!! I did not even think that by omitting them entirely it could give them grounds to contest it. Yet to name them, but give them a small nominal amount, shows that they were thought of, and bequeathed (?) to...
Interesting...
I love the way your will reads. Your skid is lucky. It sounds like he will have steady income that he will be able to count on for the rest of his life. That goes a long way toward his security.
My brother and I both told
My brother and I both told our parents that we don't want their money. We want them to enjoy their resources.
Besides, my parents were pretty young when they had me so I will be too damned old to enjoy any inheritence I get from them.....
Best regards,