disengaging, denial, pretty darn good or all of the above
Does anyone else live two lives because of skids? Maybe this is what posters often refer to as disengaging?? On days we don't have skid11, I love to be with BF. I make plans, hurry home, look forward to the evening and plan our home life to maxamize the time together. On skid days, I love work, can't wait to get there, hope to have extra work to go into the office on weekends, and hope not to get home before 10 when skid SHOULD BE in bed (most often cry and whine time). On skid days I go to movies, work out extra long, and love my evening art class. I hate being home when skid is there. It feels like some creepy guest is possessing my home and I can't ask him to leave. All I want to do is sit in my room with the door closed, and sneak out for work before he gets up. When he finally leaves for more than a day, I feel like I should do some sort of cleansing ritual and dance around to thank the gods. I guess in my mind if I don't have to see skid, its kind of like he doesn't exist and kind of like he wasn't this monumental error of judgement that keeps psycho BM in our life, keeps us tied to this town with limited potential, and keeps us forever (okay 6.8 more years)on the schedule that BM creates for us. In a way it isn't so bad because I like my time alone and grow as a person with every new activity I try, or every arty movie I go see, or every advance I make at work because of the extra hours. In a way its great to have my life half the time and life with my BF half the time. On the other hand, I feel it is just denial. But denial is feeling pretty good of late. So is this what is meant by disengaging? Is this the best way to cope for the next 7 years? Does anyone else live this life?
I also look forward to going
I also look forward to going to work when SD is here and invent things that need to be done to get out of the house. Some visits I can time everything so well that I don't hardly see her at all. It's kind of exhausting. 13 more years to go.
Yes forever2, you are not
:O Yes forever2, you are not alone!! I also am what I call a "part time wife" or like my screen name states "2ndbanana"... I too live 2 lives...I have double the trouble then you do because I have 2 SS to deal with 50% of the month! I cherish the days that they are NOT there...and dread the ones that they are
They are 13 & 11...and are absolutely horrible to me, totally disrespectful to me... my husband focuses all his attention on them and what they want, where they want to be taken, etc... I have tried disengaging myself from the situation, but I run out of things to do or places to go and then I think to myself why do I have to leave my own house? For me, the disengaging did not work..its more or less like a bandaid for the situation...and it caused problems between me and my DH because he wants the "happy lil family" with them...thats not gonna happen! So, right now we have MAJOR problems...and its hard and I have approx. 7 more yrs too until the youngest turns 18.... so, you are not alone... hang in there, its all we can do 
Gosh yes. And snow
Gosh yes. And snow days-those little extras days to stay home, are now a nightmare. I def. don't stay home on snow days anymore - all those boys, sledding, fighting, work never looked better.
Also disengaging robbed me of any dream to have a 'family life'. I know we can't be a little group doing activities which it what I totally wanted when I got remarried/became their Stepmom. I more like a fly on the wall, or dirt on the bottom of their shoes.