why does dh want to pretend we are a happy family?
I just don't get this-although ss has been adamant that he dislikes me and has for many years, doesnt speak to me unless spoken to, and often refuses to do anything that I infrequently ask of him-dh still wants to act like we are the brady bunch. He wants us all to go on family outings when ss is there, all of us to hang out, etc. I just can't stand it. I have told him how awkward it is for me to spend much time around ss as he doesn't speak to me, listen to me, or like me-and it is hard to have a good time when I feel awkward. Just yesterday, dh said something about my profile pic on facebook. It is of my 3 bios and underneath i have written I love my kids. My kids are all listed as my kids on facebook (they all have facebooks as well). He was upset that ss was not included in my profile pic or listed as my child. I had to calmly explain to him yet again-that ss is not my child. We do not have a close relationship per ss's choice. So why would I have a pic of him as my profile pic or list him as my child. I also reminded dh again that ss has a bm that he lives with and who he thinks is the neatest thing since sliced bread. SS does not have a facebook so this is not even something he would ever see. Already thinking about this weekend and how once again, dh will want to do family activities and I am going to have to tell him no. Anybody else have these issues?
That would be very annoying
That would be very annoying to have to deal with, especially since your ss doesnt try to engage with you very much. I mean what does your dh say about that? It must be obvious to him that his son doesnt try to talk to you, or doesnt answer you if you talk to him! If facebook had the option to list step children, I would list my sd, but I wouldnt list her as my child either, i love her and all, but I dont think our situation (especially with bm being in the picture) warrants that I do so and I dont feel like I should. Is your dh a disneyland dad?
Funny, SD12 grandmother told
Funny, SD12 grandmother told MIL that she was upset that I only had our BS 8 months listed as "my children" on FB... I said seriously???
A. SD is NOT my daughter, she is my step daughter and should FB add a section designated for Step children I would be fine to add her there.
B. SD has a mother, who is on FB and who would flip her freekin lid if she or someone else saw that I had HER daughter listed as my child.
C. Neither SD nor grandmother are my "friends" on FB so they are obviously stalking me to be nosey/cause trouble.
These people are just never happy, always looking for a reason to conclude that SM is the wicked witch of the west. It just gets old!
I have a similar problem with
I have a similar problem with my DH! He seems to think that if he ignores the fact that his sons are rude little SOBs everything is fine! For instance...SS14 was at our house for the weekend about 4 months ago and instead of asking me to drive him home (I was in the kitchen. He was in the family room looking at me!), he called his father AT WORK and said, "Dad, will you call YOUR WIFE and tell her that I'm ready to go home?" Needless to say that after DH called me I told SS14 that he could call his mother to come and get him, that as soon as he accepted the fact that his father married (NOT adopted) me and started treating me with respect I would start doing the same. I explained to him that I am not going anywhere, that it is his choice not to interact with me, that it is fine with me, but that the only person that is going to be uncomfortable is HIM because I refuse to be bullied! SLOWLY but surely things are starting to be a little less "forced" with SS14....(SS17, however, is an ENTIRELY different and VERY long story!!!!)
You need to smack DH into
You need to smack DH into reality!! Gosh, WTH! If he wants to live in a fantasy world, get 'em a ticket to Disney World!!
Don't subject yourself to that. Either the child makes an effort with you or you quit. It goes both ways. And don't let DH convince you that SS is just a kid. That's a load of crap! My BS16 tries to pull crap on me and I don't put up with it. He's smart enough to not make excuses for himself.
At 16 kids know how to treat people and if they don't, they are STILL teachable. That's my DHs excuse: "If after 16 years she doesn't do it (speaking of my SD16), what makes you think she can now?" What a crock of shit. If she can work at an amusement part as a janitor!!! she can clean the f#@#ing room we pay for her to live in.
Don't put up with it. Buy DH a blow up doll to talk on the "FAMILY OUTINGS" with the kid. Hell, it might be better!!! LOL
I dont think I would call him
I dont think I would call him a disneyland dad-dh is only with us on the weekends and ss is there eow-he says he wants to spend time with ALL his family every weekend and I do see his point. I do occassionally endure ss-but the 3 day w/e over labor day about pushed me over the edge. I spent time with ss on both fri night and all day saturday and most of Sunday. By monday morning I was done with him and he was defiant with me so I didnt speak to him the rest of the day. But dh is very much into denial-this seems to be his primary coping mechanism-"If I pretend is not happening then it's really not". It's a big part of what got ss where he is today and our family where it is.