experimentation with drinking
Ok-this weekend we found out thst a couple of months ago ss drank part of one of my smirnoff ices on vacation. He told my 8 year old dd this weekend. SS is 12. ss had already left for the weekend but his bm had called up her for another reason so dh asked ss about it-ss admitted to drinking it (the amount is in question he told dd that it was 1/2 a bottle-he told dh that it was one drink)but then also blamed my 12 year old dd saying she "dared" him to-which dd completely denies and says that he told her he was going to drink and she told him "you'll get in trouble" and his response was "no i wont" then she said she walked off and didnt think anything more about it.
Anyway I am p.o.'d for a number of reasons. It was MY drink that he took (dh rarely drinks and when he does it is beer so he knew it was mine), he told my 8 year old this which sets a bad example and also makes me think he is trying to get into trouble-and he blamed the whole incident on my 12 year old daughter. It also concerns me as bm is an alcoholic and while I wouldnt consider dh an alcoholic he has had his share of trouble with drinking (dui's) which is why he dranks very little now. However, all dh did was ask him if he did it-and then said, "when are u going to straighten up"-he didnt tell bm or address it any further. So I said something to him about it yesterday-to which he told me my dd had done the same thing. I was like, "really, did she tell you?" NO. "Did you see her?" NO "Did one of the other kids tell you" NO. Um, so why would u think she had done the same thing? No response. To which he then brought up something my dd did-she had a boy over one night when we were in bed and she held hands in the backyard with him-her siblings were present to confirm that this was all that happened. DD was punished for almost a month-no cell, no internet access, no social time. She also got many lectures, discussions, and our disappointment. Dh has been very upset with her and has given her a very hard time about it. she was very apologetic, ashamed, cried, and acts truly regretful.
I just don't understand why what dd was such a huge deal (which I thought it was too) but ss's actions were not a big deal. No grounding for this, no punishment, not even a good talking to for goodness sake. I feel like there needs to be some sort of repurcussion for this. If he got away with drinking 1/2 a bottle of an alcoholic drink without consequences, why would he stop there? Why not up the ante and drink a 6 pack? I just dont get why, why, why my dh will not address problems with ss. He was suspended from school last week as well-dh was going to punish him the same as bm (no tv, no activites, etc)but he realized that would punish him so he told him he could work it off. He had to do dishes. At his leisure. It took him over a day to get around to them. But when I mentioned this to ds-he said, but I did ground him I didnt let him watch tv-I'm like, no-he watched the same amount of tv as all the other kids-we had bought like 4 new movies and he watched all of them.
Anyone, I digress-what sort of action would you all take in regards to the drinking?
Of course there has to be
Of course there has to be repercussions. But if the father isn't going to command them you're wasting your time.
Consider telling your husband that you are removing yourself from all discipline situations with his children since your parenting techniques are different. He feels his kid has been punished so that's pretty much the end of it.
This situation is doubly difficult to work with as apparently the kid is only over on weekends.
Realize several things. You have no power here and you'll get no credit for how the kid turns out. On the flip side you'll get no blame if he ends up in the gutter providing you stop trying to raise him. Let Dad do it and reap his consequences.
Meanwhile concentrate on your kids.
Loss of all privileges for at
Loss of all privileges for at least a month and make him attend some type of AA Meeting. My parents did this with my sister, when she got suspended for sneaking Alcohol into the HS for a "Lock-in". She had to attend AA meetings for 3 months. You don't have to be as severe, but it shocked the hell out of her. If it helps, she managed to succeed anyway. She is now a corporate attorney for a Fortune 100 company. She didn't get into Harvard because of this stunt. That was her major shame. My parents handled it great. Your DH needs to grow a pair and realize this is the start of other problems.
The AA meetings made a huge impact on her. Shock him...
When I saw your “topic” I
When I saw your “topic” I thought you were going to say that YOU have been experimenting with drinking and I was going to cheer you on! (I myself have been experimenting with drinking to ease the pressure for a little over a year now)
But as far as a 12 year old (TWO 12 year olds!) goes… sheesh… I thought my friends and I were a bit young to start playing around with beers at 16!!! But this is a whole new world I guess… further proof that these kids are just growing up too darn fast.
All I have in the way of advice I what my mother did to “scare me straight” when I started high school and she was worried about just this situation… I may have posted this story a few months back but it fits this situation.
She sat me down at the kitchen table with her check book in front of my face and asked me to read the amount to her… I did. She then asked if I thought that was enough money to bail me out of jail if I got arrested for underage drinking… I said no. She then went on to say, “And the cops DON”T take Visa! Keep it in mind!”
And I did. And I never touched a drop until around 16 or 17, and even when I did I was so scared it was only a courtesy sip here and there… she put the fear of gawd almighty in me about it. I swear, it wasn’t till my mid 20’s that I really started experimenting with friends… maybe your SS and DD need a little fear of The Mama to set them straight..?