"Husband" with holds love from me when angry @ my odest his SD

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My "Husband" or better half as I call him is loving and totally an active role in my 2 youngest childrens lives, hes been there for them before we started dating. He tells them daily "youre my little girl, or youre my little man and I love you" I feel So blessed, esp since their dad just doesnt see them at all. I feel like he has conditional love w my D13, when she performs well, ie obeys and does everything told to, then hes cool w her, but when she acts like a "teenager" being lazy or lies or acts like a 3 yr old he gets angry yet denys it, he puts up a wall and shuts me out. He says "she dont bother me, I aint letting a 13 yr old brat bother me" Im about correcting and discipline, heck we have had her ipod, cell phn and lap top for over a month. But I dont get how He or is it men cant or wont seperate step kid from the mom (u know the woman he loves, pose to be his partner) yet he shuts me out, wont talk to me wont touch me and says hes cool. Well it hurts, I feel like a kid waiting to be loved or given attention, just wait till he feels like it. I guess that will be when he lets go of the resentment he denys having. So is it hard to seperate your lover/spouse from their BC when you are angry w your SChild?

Most of my issues with SD are

Most of my issues with SD are actually with H and how he parents her and interacts with her. So when she is whining for something or being a brat I don't really get mad at her I get mad at him for not doing something about it. I don't know the dynamics of your situation but your H may be upset at how you are handling your daughter's behavior. The problem is, there is no way for you to know or correct it if he won't even admit he's upset.

Maybe ask him "how do you think we should handle this" the next time your BD is acting out. That might open up a channel of communication that he was unable to open on his own. You may not agree with what he says but it could be a starting point for getting to the bottom of the problem. Just a thought

Oh we talk about discipline

Oh we talk about discipline and we are a united front. I back him even when I think its excessive, like grounding too long ect. He just denys being resentful, I dont coddle her or say ur step dad is an ass, I am supportive even when I feel hes wrong. Kinda biblical I suppose, if hes wrong and it bites him in the ass, hes supose to be the head and correct matters. Im not one of those lets not talk about the elephant in the room type of people, if its there I wana know how and why and what are we gona do. You must also understand we are both recovering alcoholics, I work a program, he has slacked off, just dry but ego is starting to flare w him. So actually I should be talking w my sponsor who would tell me to get out of his program and to be a good mom and let him whirl, he has his own path. I do think he he sometimes wishes she wasnt there and maybe feels guilty, I dont know. Id think it would be recharging to finally get some time alone rather than shut down roll over and refuse any conversation or contact.