I have come to this site for months and it's kept me sane as I journey down this road of a blended family. This might be a long post, but I need to vent! My DH and I met at work well after his ex kicked him out to be with a man she married one year to the date she kicked my DH out. She doesn't work, has been raised to live off of a man and is teaching her kids the same thing. Her new hubby has a son that he doesn't have anything to do with so she has no idea what it's like to have your life interrupted every other weekend and deal with the crazy ex-wife either. The ex and I got along decent in the beginning until she realized he was serious about me. She figured she'd kick him out, see how things went and he'd lie there waiting like a sad puppy for her to come back. She actually begged him to come back and got my twin SDs all worked up and they too asked their Dad to come back-all two weeks before her wedding. It was sad. I lost respect for her at that point, and that was about 1 1/2 yrs ago. Fast forward to now my DH and I are expecting a baby boy due on Christmas Day. He had to have a vasectomy reversal to make this happen and we're excited especially since it's a boy (I have a 7yr old BD, his twin girls are 11). The BM started taking one of the twins to counseling recently because she wanted to come live with us. I guess BM thought she must have something wrong with her. BM lives in a trailer park, doesn't work, and is a HS dropout. My DH and I are college grads who work for the govt and have for about 15 years, we value education and have a nice home in a nice neighborhood. Anyway, it's kinda backfired cuz the counselor has seen the ex's issues and has brought the other twin in as well as the ex. My DH has gone by himself as well and also with both SDs. He has asked me to consider going with the girls too. I am all for this since I reported to CPS over a year ago that the girls had obvious coping issues with their parents divorces and subsequent remarriages...but a part of me could care less too. Now I've found out that the one who wants to live with us told my DH that she wants nothing to do with the baby and wishes it would die. THe other one told my BD that she would get up in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping and kill the baby. I know they're upset about the lack of control they have over their parents' choices and that they don't want to share their Dad. But, it's getting really hard for me to be an adult and overlook things especially when they may eventually act on these seemingly harmless comments now. The BM is the real problem, as she is just crazy over the fact we're having a child. She thought he'd never share such a thing again after her. THe other day she told my DH that they all felt replaced. He told her that when she kicked him out, she was out of his mind forever, but that the kids were a different story. He kinda blames the kids for their feelings, but I blame her. He generally will support me on stepparenting issues, but he did say that he knew BM for years and she isn't evil like I think. COulda fooled me! I could write for hours about the psychological abuse she's put her girls through. I care about them and their future and it's frustrating that I can't fix them or have an influence on them because they aren't here often enough and also being of all the negative things implanted in their heads by BM. I have to fight my inner urge to hate them too though. THe things they say and the way they act drive me batty. I only care about DH's feelings and that keeps me from being a 12 year old myself most of the time. I have disengaged in the past and that upsets my DH..plus I shouldn't have to be a prisoner in my own home while they're here. THey're immature for their age b/c BM has cottled them forever and wants to keep them babies. My 7 yr old BD is more mature and independent. ANyway, I just wanted to vent, I'm not sure what I'm looking for...advice...empathy...or just to get it all off my chest! THey just got taken back home and I couldn't be happier. I am having to take their bedroom for the nursery and ordered triple bunks for my BDs room. Even though there's an extra room above the garage, the don't wanna have a room up there b/c it scares them. So now my BD has to share a room. I'm just looking at it like my BD will have more space for friends that come over later in life. Otherwise, I'd just say screw it and they could sleep upstairs or on the dang couch. I try to make them welcome here and give them their own space, but I still struggle with really liking them. I feel so fake most of the time. I think my feelings are just hurt b/c they don't like me so much b/c of guilt issues with their BM.