Mine does. Not only to me, but every other person SS15 comes into contact with in his life. SS15 has "the fear of God" in him when it comes to his Dad. While they are VERY close, SS15 KNOWS that his Dad will NOT put up with any crap.

I doubt very much that my SO would let his girls talk to me in a disrespectful manner. However, I do tend to give off a vibe that says I won't take any crap from anyone either, so I don't think he'll have to do much work there.

Mine does. at first he did the guilty dad thing but soon realized his kids were monsters after I was getting comments on how good my kids are and nothing was saids about his. Plus we were always fighting about his kids. It got to the point I told him that if he didn;t get control over his kids especially the oldest they were not allowed in my home with my kids. He was beating mine up and I would not stand for that. Dh got his crap together and now the boys knows that dad means business. I don't have hardly say anythign to them anymmore dh will jump to the plate before I ahve a chance. LOL. Tha is with anything he thinks they are doing that is not right it doesn;t matter where we are either.

On a side note though bm tried to get dh to do that at her house for her so she didn;t have to be the bad guy and dh told her that it is her house not his and she needs to find a way that works for them to make them mind. she still hasn;t gotten it right but she3 stopped calling dh to bail her out. lol the oldest told her he hates her blanken guts and stuff like that all the time aklong with jabbing knifes in the walls there. He doesn't dare do it here.

my dh will not let skids disrespect me.... disciplining the brats a different story... mil, whe she pisses me the f off, dh steps up and trys to diffuse the situation by making it his wishes not mine (says he doesn't want me to look like a bitch).... great, but mil still treating dh like he lost his not sack when bm lied about b/c and got knocked up....

for the most part, my man is awesome!! but when some of these posts get me thinking.... it's horrible how much trouble dh gets in for nothing!!

My husband stands up for me sometimes. He thinks I am too strict a lot of the time though. I probably am but I did grow up in a home with an older father with a military background and he was raised by a single mom. But when one of the kids openly disrespects me, he stands up for me. Usually I'm the one that calls them on their bull though. A few weeks ago SD 12 told my biological niece that she hated me and wanted me to go away. Of course my niece tells me. So in front of my husband I tell SD that I'm not going anywhere EVER and if she wants me gone then she's going to have to kill me because no one is getting between me and my husband. Hubby backed me up and said that he wasn't letting me go anywhere. It probably wasn't my most mature moment but it go the point across. I think SD has actually started trying to accept the fact that I'm around now.

But yes, I've noticed it too. If you're husband won't back you up and allows the skids to be disrespectful to you then there is no chance that your family will work out.

H supports me 100%, whether it be something with bm, in-laws, my own family or kiddo (ss5). He might not agree with me but we dont have that talk in front of other people. I am a custodial stepmom and biomom is not around. Kiddo either respects me and listens and does what i ask/say or i send him to time out and we have a little chat about his behaviour and what priviledges he has lost. When H gets home, I 'brief' him about what the day was like with kiddo's behaviour or vice versa.

Raising kiddo is the one thing that we both 100% agree on and rarely if ever have any differences of opinion or issues with. and i can live with that.

Dh is working on being reformed. SS can be horribly disrespectful and has been since he was about 6-part of the problem was that ss is very smart. He would be incredibly disrespectful to me on an everyday basis but only when dh wasnt around (he worked out of town alot). So I would tell him and truthfully he found it hard to believe that his son would be so blatantly rude and hateful. As ss grew older, dh began to witness a few incidents. He would go outside and ss would be yelling at me and dh would come back in and catch him or he would end up yelling at his dad if his dad was home for a long enough stretch. It has taken dh 6 years to even begin to get it and he still has a way to go. He punishes ss if he says something outright disrespectful to me-but ss is very passive aggressive. He ignores me, he "tells" on me, he tries to make dh think that he likes me and is just afraid I dont like him-and dh buys this crap and makes multiple excuses. I try to tell him that ss is being equally disrespectful with these behaviors but he just doesnt get that yet. He's a work in progress.

My H is very insistant that SD5 be polite to everyone. He does not tolerate rudeness. It's almost the ONLY good parenting he does IMO.

Hand up, Here! My DH is a "Reformed Guilty Dad"...BIG TIME!

Man oh man, the first few years were rough. So much so I thought we weren't going to make it. And here's the worse thing about it-

he was doing it INTENTIONALLY! Yesiree, bob.

Here I was, thinking he was in deep denial, not seeing the "error of his ways." We went to couples therapy and it didn't help (it actually made things worse!)

Then we found a Parenting Coach. It was through her that DH admitted he was doing these things intentionally. And this Parenting Coach got him to see that what he was doing (good intentions aside) was HARMING his kids in the long run.

And he CHANGED!!! (And the angels SANG!!!)

It was a rough road and he had to fight YEARS of bad habits, but he did it- he put down rules and consequences with his three girls for the first time in his life. And he put ME FIRST, and we are now a TEAM. And the girls know it. And because of it, our marriage is stronger than ever.

But it's not perfect. The ramifications of his poor parenting are that middle SD18 HATES this "new daddy" and resents EVIL STEPMOM for changing him. Add to that the years of brainwashing from BM, and she now has no relationship with either of us. But DH now knows that what he is doing is right and SD18 is making her own choices and will have to live with those consequences.

So it CAN happen- even in the worst of cases! There is always hope.

From DAY 1. our phrase with SD's and with BS----you don't have to like your SM/SD but your are going to respect them----disrespect is one of our two no-no's that will get a spanking/paddling (the other is lying). Now that they are SD19, SD17 and BS15, they all get it, don't do it, and I don't expect ever will. They can have own opinion about things and they can complain, but has to be done in a respectful manner

Not me. DH never stands up for me, or puts me first.

Mine does. 100%. He has never even one time contradicted me in front of the kids...even when I've been wrong. We might talk about it later. But in front of the kids, never. My kids, step and bio, know that I come first. My husband has said to the kids on more than one occasion..."Don't you dare talk to my wife like that".

The same goes on my end.

My DH never let his kids treat me or speak to me disrespectfully. I can't say that I ever recall a time where he didn't take up for me. Of course, him disciplining his children is what BM used to convince him that he was "disrespecting their wishes" & "disrespecting them as individuals". Apparently, disciplining your children is disrespectful. That idea is a big part of what led us to where we are now...Skids who choose to have no contact with their dad. I have to hand it to DH. When it came to his kids, he didn't fall into the guilty dad role. He stuck to his guns & did what he felt was his job as a parent to do. I'm sad that the result has been what it has, but I would've been more sad if we were living in a home run by skids.

Hell yeah!!! my husband may be a lil insecure at times (I dont know why) but he always makes sure his daughter and our 2 kids know that they have to respect me!!!

My husband is guilty of letting his adult children treat me terribly and not confront them,or,support me.Even when,on a couple of occasions,i have felt intimidated/frightened by their actions,my husband chose to appease them,rather than make his own wife feel safe and secure,needles to say,on one of those occasions,we seperated.
I am hoping that after my final attempt to make our marriage work,that he is able to start supporting me more when his kids are causing drama.

I'd say DH stands up when necessary. I have to say that all of my step kids are relatively well-behaved. SD15 had a bout a few years ago where she was throwing major attitude and he made sure she understood he would not tolerate her behavior (in his ex-military dad way of telling her of course). This resulted in her staying away for a little over a year and going to a psychologist before we fought to get visitation reinstated. My SS8 has come across a few things lately that i did not agree with and i let him know i didn't agree and then told DH what happened. Generally DH lets me do my thing unless he thinks it needs to be reiterated and then he'll reinforce my statement. I think the skids just know that Dad won't put up with it.

The non-supporting husband is part of it. There also very much needs to be support from the bio mom to stepmom and a verbal okay to the children to let them know it is okay to love the step parent and that you will support their choices. The step parent is in a very vulnerable role. If bio parents do not support him/her, side with the child or will not allow the child to connect with step parent the child will not. The child is so dependent on the bio parent for his/her love, approval and acceptance.

Here's an example.....with the above thoughts in my head I felt it was best that my girls realized I supported their father's second wife. I never said anything bad about her. They would come home with something they didn't like and I would tell them she had her reasons but she and I never had a problem. She never called me out on anything and vise versa. It worked well. The girls accepted their stepmom, the children that were brought inot the marriage, I accepted thoise children and told my kids these were her brother and sister. I told my girls they had 2 moms and 2 dads and I never ever let my daughter direspect their stepfather (my second husband). My daughter get along well with everyone to this day even after their bio dad split from second wife.

I wanted The same with my SSs and my husband's ex but holy moly if that was completely different. Bio mom was angry that she didn't have custody eventhough she was the one that walked away from the boys in the first place. She had little to nothing to do with the boys until she found out I was in the picture and from there on it was a struggle. Not only did I not get the support from her but she was filling their heads with trash, lies about both me and their father to try and sway their feelings.....nothing but pure evil. Of course this is someone who abandoned the boys and they so much wnated her back in their lives but I was in the way. Anything the boys complained about she was right there to support them. It was no good at all, a constant struggle. Husband was gone alot with work and the very little time he spent at home he just wasn't connected and most times told me to handle it. If his sons then got hurt by something I made them do and they complained to him I felt he then became angry at me for hurting their feelings. It was a real mess. As it has turned out the boys and I have no relationship and when I stopped having anything to do with them, the boys started taking their issues to their dad. He finally felt the rath of their anger and he drew some very strong boundaries. Personally, I blame the bio parents for ever allowing this to happen in the first place. They are the ones, in my opinon, that have caused their children so much pain.