I agree with you. But i don't have any good advice on how to make your DH see that it's not unfair to his kids. It sounds like there is already resentment set in.

It make sense to me to keep the infant in it's own room to not distrupt the sleep of the other kids. It makes sense for an 8 or 9 YO to not want to share with a toddler who doesn't understand to respect someone else's belongings, not to mention the safety issue of having small parts and toys not meant for a toddler availble to them. And it makes complete sense to have girls who are only a year apart share a room. Beyond that I think it will build their relationship as sisters. My sister (4 years apart in age) had separate rooms but she always slept in my room.

Are there size differences in the rooms that you can use to compromise? Maybe the bigger room is shared and the babies take the smaller rooms.

Good luck!

It seems more logical to me to have the 8 and 9 year old (same sex) siblings to share a room, than to have the babies (boy and girl) share a room with the newborn constantly waking the other for feedings etc. You don't say if anyone is insisting that the girls have their own rooms? It seems like the 8 and 9 year old would be happy to share a room, being so close in age are they pretty tight?

the older kids should absolutely share! or try to find a bigger house if you can fit it into your bidget.

I agree that the two girls can share a room for now.

i agree, the 2 older girls need to share a room.

focus on YOUR kids first. especially since the skids are being the way they are. dont let your 2 children be put in the shadow by you, especially since i can sense their daddy will do it indirectly cause of the 2 older brats.

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Ok, my two boys are 19mo apart-they are now 9 and 11 and still share a room I won't lie it was tough with them sharing a room when they were younger (babies/toddler) because of crying issues, one keeping the other up, etc-that made it hard. Yes the first 4 mo or so you can have new baby in your room but it's still tough after that-but it's doable for sure! It's absolutely of NO difference to the kids-might be for you. Of course you would be able to have all baby stuff in that one bigger room. Changing table-toys, etc that they would both use-and it might actually be easier for you instead of hunting things down from room to room. Like changing tables, laundry, etc...that close in age, asides from the "crying" or ocassionally keeping eachother up there is NO problem w/them sharing. Infants/toddlers don't know the difference. You don't have to give them everything at this age. They just grow up to be entitled kids that "everyone owes me" anyways Millions of people grow up w/a whole family in one room-two babes sharing isn't "depriving" them of a thing. You don't owe them seperate rooms and frankly that you feel they deserve it already is a little alarming.

As to a law governing siblings of opposite sex not being able to sleep in the same room-I think gvmnt needs to stay out of peoples homes/bedrooms and choices. I think it's an idiotic law! Thousands of people in other cultures do this all the time....what about people that have no means for more rooms? Legislating parenting choices and sleeping accomodations-literally that makes me ill to my stomach-have we allowed THIS much control over our lives? UGGG

As for the girls-I also agree it's still FINE for them to share a room at their ages, no reason they need to split right now until they are a little older perhaps. So eitherway, it's not really unfair/worse for one more then the other.

Why dont' your dh and you both write a list of pros cons of both scenarios and then compare your notes and combine and discuss.

An 8-9yr old girl are too young to demand a room on their own. But I also understand they've been through a lot more emotionally then your kids-so he may be talking out of guilt-BUT IMO if they have been through this it would probably be best TO keep the girls together to keep the bond close while they navigate through all these huge changes. SHaring a room might help them more then being on their own. Especially during tough times-sibilings have a way of talking to you, noticing things, being a companion, being a friend and noticing warning signs.

Another thing-YOu knew marrying him he had kids-and to be honest it really ticks me off when I see young/even older woman on here gripe and moan about "well they didn't live w/him before-we rarely saw them so I thought it was ok"...I'm sorry but think with your head! If your SO has kids-custodial or not-there is ALWAYS the possibility that the kids spend MORE time w/you know that that parents is married prsenting more stability-OR something happends to the other parents, etc, custody changes....maybe your dh's now want to pursue more time/custody when they have their own family and feel they would be providing more structure to their kids-this is NOT uncommon so go in knowing this!!

So if you marry a person w/kids just PLEASE don't do it unless you're willing to accept the fact that there's a real possibility you will have those kids living with you full time for the next 18 or plus years.

Maturity is severely lacking there.

I wish people would stop judging. I thought this was a site where "steparents could come to vent". some people need to get off their high horses until they are perfect and THEN they can "cast the first stone"... ugh! :sick:

H and I are about to be making similar choices. We have to move soon and would like to buy instead of continuing to rent. I have BD4 and BS9, H has SD5. I doubt we will be able to find a home in our price range with 4 bedrooms like we are renting now so the girls will probably have to share a room. I do have some issues with this. My ex doesn't really have a set up for my kids. When they visit, my kids usually sleep on the couch or floor. Right now the kids don't really care but when they are older they will want their own space. My h's kid has her own (lavishly furnished) room at BM's house. In the end I feel that my daughter will never have a space all her own because she will have to share with SD when she visits EOW.

As it is now my H keeps his kid's room like a friggin shrine to the kid when she's not here. I fear BD will be constantly told not to touch this or that and to keep the room just so for when his kid comes. I see us butting heads on this. There is also a violence issue that concerns me about them sharing a room. SD will not hesitate to hit BD if she is angry or not getting her way so I really don't like them being alone together for very long.

I have been trying to find houses with dens or dining rooms or SOMETHING that could be easily converted into another bedroom. That is the only suggestion I have for you. If you cannot afford something with 5 bedrooms, maybe you can find a 4 bedroom with an "unnessesary" room to convert.

IMHO, I do not feel jealousy is the right word to describe looking out for our own children...if we don't who will? Good luck.

I agree that the two older girls should share. To me this is not even a step/bio issue. It makes sense to put the two same sex, similar aged children in the same room.

I agree with hismineandours. It's not a bio/step issue. He is making it into one though. What if all 4 were bios...what would you do? My 2 oldest bios are 16 mths aprt- 1 boy and 1 girl. That would've been hard to have the 2 babies share a room! 2 cribs? What about baby gear and clothes? The baby gear takes up room. Then sleeping...one wakes the other. Nope. Mine had their own rooms. Before you know it they grow up and then what? Idk. I think it makes sense to have the older 2 share. They areclose in age, both girls and full sisters. Sounds like it could be fun sometimes. And did I read somewhere that they share now? Why change it? That's what I would do but then again we don't have a room for ss since he only visits eow.

It takes great love for you to treat your stepdaughters as your own. It's understandable that you would want to give the best for your children but sometimes we really have to give way for somebody else who needs more what we wanted to give. Try to set aside whatever jealousy you have right now and think of the greater good of many.

- Miriam (hospitals)"

We are having a baby soon as well. We have 2 girls and 2 boys. Until the baby, the girls each had their own room and the boys shared. To be really honest, I didn't even worry about it. A newborn needs its own room and that's that. I didn't even ask I simply told the girls they were going to room together. My husband understood and never said a word about it. The 12 year old course complained that she'd have to share with the 7 year old but oh well. I'm not putting any child through waking up every 2 hours in the middle of the night. It's common sense for the two older girls to share.
Why would your husband think that the older ones need their own rooms. This new one is his child too. It is your home as well as his and these children are going to be there all the time. If I were you I'd explain to your husband why the baby needs it's own room and that your feelings are hurt and that it feels like he's giving his daughters a little more than he's giving your children. Let him see that it upsets you.