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Advice Desperately Needed

csoter05's picture

Submitted by csoter05 on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 4:53pm

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General Discussion

Alright so here is the situation:

I have a 2 year old son, he has a 8 year old daughter. While most of the time his daughter is okay, she is becoming more and more of a little brat. He yells at me because I give in to my son, which is fine, but he gives in to her all the time. She is a little brat, is mean to my son, and thinks she can do whatever she wants to do.

The biggest problem is this. He works.. a lot. Fine, I am fine with that, but I am EXPECTED to watch her, and we aren't married. I try to do something fun but all she wants to do is sit around and watch tv. She doesn't want to go to the park, she doesn't want to do anything. She complains about food, about being bored, about everything, and yet she doesn't do anything! She refuses to do anything! She doesn't clean up after herself (sad when my two year old can throw his garbage away), she carries around this blanket and leaves stuffed animals all over the house, and calls her dad "Da Da". At the age of 8.

There are times when I have to reschedule things for just me and my son because she is there and either she doesn't want to do it or I can't afford to take her a long with. I was raised with the "you can't always do what you want" and he plays into making her happy while I drag her.

How in the hell do I deal with this without pulling my hair out like I want to do now?

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 6:07pm

Why does he expect you to watch her, what was his arrangement before you were in the picture, and why did you agree to watch her on a regular basis, especially since you aren't even married? I guess that's the biggest problem right there. What is the the custody/visitation setup right now?

Do you guys live together, if so it may be worth considering having your own place so they can "visit" and there would be less expectation for you to be his full time babysitter?

AVDetroit's picture

Submitted by AVDetroit on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 7:09pm

If the living arrangement is that the 4 of you live under the same roof, there apparently was the spoken agreement that you would watch his daughter while he's working. There has to be a Sit-Down discussion of what kind of care he expects from you that inline for both kids, age appropriate. A 2 y/o toddler is different from an 8 y/o learning to put away toys. TV time, eating, activities get discussed.

The 8 y/o may also be jealous of the attention 2 y/o gets because he's younger, try to be patient and keep encouraging her to act her age, perhaps getting her involved with other little girls her age.

SammyJo58's picture

Submitted by SammyJo58 on Mon, 08/09/2010 - 11:33pm

Sorry, I agree with dabevans too! Big time. If this little girl is running the show at age 8, what do you have to look forward to as she grows into a teen?
Sorry, but you guys aren't married, and if it was me in that situation, and she does not want to accompany you on YOUR schedule, then it is up to your boyfriend to make alternate arrangements for his daughter.
Do NOT be a doormat for this man and his daughter. No matter how much you love him. And by the way, looking after children is a full-time job in itself. Inform your other half that him working does not give him a free pass to sit on his behind when he gets home. Let HIM entertain his daughter for a while when he gets home from work. That in itself could be the root of the problem. If she got some quality time with dad when he returns from work, maybe she would let up on you a little??

StepStruck's picture

Submitted by StepStruck on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 10:11am

I agree with AVDetroit. You need to sit down and make a plan with your BF about how your days will be handeled. Also, she probably acts the way she does because she's always been allowed to - I have one at home that is the same way. It's shocking when a 10 year old girl acts 4 and isn't embarrassed about it.