I have a plan :)
I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how I will ever be able to make this work. What makes it even harder to learn to cope is that I just can't bring myself to be around my H and SD5 when she visits. I have a few very close friends that know what I'm dealing with and one of them (knowing my personality so well) suggeted I make a bet with her. If I lose I have to give up certain things for a period of time, if I win I get to reward myself. I know this is very much like a rewards system you would use on a child but hey, if it works then so be it 
I set 2 specific goals that I know will enhance the quality of my life and relationship if I can reach them on a regular basis. 1. I will not pick a fight with H right before SD's visit so I have an exscuse not to be around. 2. I will spend at least 1 hour per day of the EOW visit around H and SD. I know these things seem simple unless you can relate to how strong my instincts to stay far away from them are.
I figure in time I may learn to cope with, or at the very least, tune out the annoyance and frustration I feel whenever I'm around H and SD at the same time. I have to do something or it will eventually destroy my marriage. This little plan is the only thing I have been able to come up with to motivate me to look far enough past my feelings to endure the torture of the "gruesome twosome" (learned that term here and I absolutely love it). I thought I'd share my plan here on the off chance it may help someone else.
Good luck!
Good luck!
She's a 5 year old and it's
She's a 5 year old and it's already that bad? I hate to say it but you can drag this out as long as you want but it's only going to get worse until you fix the root of the problem or leave. You shouldn't stand in the way of your H having a relationship with his daughter but perhaps you and H need to figure out why you want to run like hell when it's time for her to come for a visit.
Good luck to you!
I would never want to stand
I would never want to stand in the way of them having a relationship. The root of the problem is easy to identify, but not one I can fix. It would be up to him and he doesn't see any problem so I guess I'm just trying to enjoy the time we have together before it all falls apart. I love him too much to just walk away now while there is still so much love and good things we share. One day the bad will outweigh the good (she will eventually want to live with him) and that's where we will likely part ways. I get so sad about this, and it's amplified every time she visits.
So H just left to pick up his
So H just left to pick up his kid for the weekend and although I have avoided any arguments I just don't think I can bring myself to spend the time around them. He asked if I wanted to take the ride with him...the 2 hrs up would be fine but my stomach turns at the idea of the 2 hrs back trapped in the car with them both. AND he thought it would be a good idea to spend a couple hours at the beach while we were up there. No thanks. The car ride would have been bad enough. So I did the only thing I could think of and went back to bed until he left. I work 3rd shift so at least it wasn't too obvious.
I don't know what is wrong with me, I just can't make myself even try at this point. I'm not motivated by anything to do it. Please don't tell me my love for him should be motivation enough, I've tried that. I love him dearly but not when she is here. The things I love about him are nowhere to be found once she shows up. I know this marriage is doomed and the day she says she wants to come to live with him will be the breaking point. I can't feel like this everyday. I know I'm rediculous but I still can't help the way I feel. I wish we had never taken that trip. I saw my future that week and I did not like it at all.
My little plan seemed like a good idea at the time...now I see I was just giving myself false hope.