Stupid thing or do I have a point?
In the messed up situation we live in, when we are always the bad guy (girl actually) to the BF, skids, BM, it is hard to maintain persepective. That's what I like about this forum. Tell me please if I have a point.
My BF's ex, BM, cannot cook and packs her kid's lunch (SS11) with either the yellow blob in tupperware or the red blob in tupperware and some sort of high fructose fruit-like substitute that Walmart had on special. Well, the kid won't eat it. The kid is overindulged, guilty-parented and spoiled with too many toys and too much allowance, and he has more spending money that either my BF or I. He is a little pudge-ball, so I know he is eating, and I suspect he is buying the day camp pizza, chicken fingers, etc that is offered daily since he has allowance to burn.
Anyway, BM's crap lunches end up in the bottom SS's backpack and BF puts them in our refrigerator. One day BF sat down to lunch with me and actually ate BMs leftover food right in front of me. I said sarcastically but firmly, "how nice of your ex wife to make your lunches." He didn't get the point. Yellow blob, red blob, her food was contantly staring me in the face when I opened my frig. I asked him bluntly..."please do not keep her food in our frige. Either tell the kid to eat it, or throw it out at camp, or ask BM not to pack him lunch or throw it away if you find it in his backpack...DO NOT store it in my frige and let it rot." Kid comes home Thursday with the usual crap at the bottom of the backpack. BF puts it in the very front of the top shelf of the frige. SS is not with us all weekend. Finally last night, Monday, when I couldn't find a place for our leftover pizza, I lost it. I yelled at BF, saying I had tried to be nice about it, saying obviously he could not listen until someone was screaming at him, obviously it gave him some comfort to have his ex's food in his face, but it was not happening in my house. I threw it in the trash and went to bed. Of course the night was ruined. Does everything have to be a fight? Can these DFs ever consider our feelings? Why do we not matter in our own house? I know its just food, but it is everything else too. I am tired of being an aftertought...after he thinks of SS, after the thinks of BM, even after he thinks about her disgusting food! Sorry this is long. It was a long night.
I feel for you. I would have
I feel for you. I would have been a little put off if my DH ate food that came from BM's house! I dont so much mind that the leftovers are in the fridge but, like any leftovers, they need to be cleaned up after a day or two. I think as far as DH sitting down with one of BM's meals, you have a point and I would have said the same thing to him!
I think that you are very
I think that you are very upset and need to take a few deep breathes. To answer your question, no - in the giant scheme of things having bm's leftovers in the fridge is not that big of a deal. Why your bf would want to keep the leftovers, much less eat them, is beyond me and he should have respected how you felt about it in the first place, but darlin...its just some squishy leftovers. If you dont want them in there then throw them out, its your fridge, isnt it.
I agree with blender. Send it
I agree with blender. Send it back to her. Preferably when it's gotten moldy.
I send back BM’s food as a
I send back BM’s food as a way of telling her how much her kids hated what she sent. Let “them” be the ones to tell her that her cooking sucks… then you’re not the bad guy.
As for the emotions behind it… I’ve been there. At first when BM sent cookies or nibbles over with the kids I would freak out and look at DH with a “Don’t you even DARE touch that food” look on my face. Then I’d wait politely one day to see if the kids ate whatever she sent… then I’d throw it the-f out! I think it’s a kind of mental thing… having another woman’s nourishment in your home challenges you as a womanly provider. I don’t know if a man could appreciate that… it would be on par with how a man would feel if you had your ex-husband come over to the house to fix a broken door knob or something, his “maleness” would be challenged and I’m sure he’d be pissed.
I think it’s a kind of mental
I think it’s a kind of mental thing… having another woman’s nourishment in your home challenges you as a womanly provider. I don’t know if a man could appreciate that… it would be on par with how a man would feel if you had your ex-husband come over to the house to fix a broken door knob or something, his “maleness” would be challenged and I’m sure he’d be pissed.
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Thank you! I've been struggling with how to put this feeling into words for my own situation.
I just showed it to FH and he definitely understands more clearly why things like that bother me. I appreciate your ability to articulate that.
No problem… my DH needs me to
No problem… my DH needs me to put things in the “male perspective” all the time… I’ve gotten pretty good at speaking their language!
I'll say straight up, it is a
I'll say straight up, it is a silly thing to be upset about BUT I say that as someone who struggles with similar issues.
So I definitely hear you and know where you're coming from. Our BM gets a ridiculous amount of food stamps money every month and when we have longer visits with the FSkids she'll send non-perishables with them. That in and of itself isn't a problem and logically, it's actually appreciated because kids can eat A LOT and we're trying to be as money-wise as possible right now.
That being said, she's also taken it upon herself to buy and send things like tea and coffee (which are clearly not for the kids as they're all under 11) for FH and I and something about it gets to me. I don't think it's done maliciously but something about it feels like she's 'invading' our space. Is that irrational? Probably, but it still gets to us.
Leftovers for the kid are a bit of a different story, as your BM isn't intentionally sticking food in your kitchen, but at the same time I can see the reluctance on your SO's part to toss it/send it back causing some hurt feelings. For what it's worth, I don't think he keeps it for any emotional attachments to the BM - likely he just sees it as, "Food is food".
It's one of those things that maybe isn't a big deal to him, but it's a big deal to you and should be stopped for that reason. If he doesn't overly care either way and you do, why not get rid of it? I'm with everyone who says just do it yourself - he'll get the message.
And honestly, it may not even be intentional that he put more in the fridge after you talked initially - he may have just forgotten.
Yes you have a point .....
Yes you have a point ..... However, why make a bit deal out of it. Why not just throw the stuff in the garbage when you open the frig to find it "staring (you) in the face"?
Best regards.