We had been together for a year when we married. During that time I had not had many chances to observe him interacting with his kid due to BM witholding visitation during their custody dispute. He said he parented her the way he parented my children which was a little harsher than I but still agreeable and not unreasonable.

After visitation through the courts were set BM threatened to take him back to court if he brought SD around me and H fell for it out of fear of another year of not being allowed to see her. He had visits at their mutual friends house until he finally grew a pair and stood up to her. Once she realized the threats were no longer working they stopped. By this time we were 2 months from our wedding and I contributed his parenting to how much he had missed his kid. Once I saw that it was just the way it was, it was already too late. I also put a stop to him parenting my kids because I'll be damned if he's going to tell my 4 yo BD to pick up after herself if he can't make his 5 yo do it. I will tell my kid myself.

So, we agreed he would parent his kid and I would parent mine. This is all well and good except for one big difference...he can spend time with me and not have to spend it all with my kids at the same time. My kids are capable of entertaining themselves and I encourage them to do so. However, when his kid is visiting there is no time alone with my H because she is always up his butt and he is constantly catering to her.

I figured it was because of how little time they had together and let it go until we had her for 9 days during our trip and it was like that every single day. I realized that is how it would be if she lived with us and now I can't stand to be around them together when she is here and constantly worried about the day she comes to live with us...and I know eventually she will.

We have another week long visit coming up next month and I am just stomach sick over it. The only good thing about it is my H will be working so 1) I will get to spend time alone getting to know her better and seeing if she is a full time spoiled brat or if her dad just brings it out in her and 2)I won't have to be around them both at the same time nearly as much as during our trip.

I'm not even going to get into how she lies all the time and tries to blame my 4 yo BD for everything. My BD is not an angel but there is no way she's responsible for EVERYTHING that happens during SD visit. She's also occaisionally violent towards my BD and her dad will exscuse it with "I'm sure it was just anaccident". Sure, she jabbed a stick towards her until she finally actually hit her...sounds like an accident to me. She has gotten in trouble at school repeatedly for hitting other kids because she wasn't getting her way.

I know I'm long winded here but I've been holding so much in for a while now becacause these are the kinds of things you just aren't supposed to say out loud unless you are fond of angry mobs who think you are a horrible person for not liking a 5 yo child. Thank you all for listening to me rant

I know I am very lucky I only have to deal with this EOW but there will come a time when she will decide she wants to live with her dad full time. I know this because most children would choose to live with the parent who treats them like royalty 24/7. It's just a matter of time. That bleak future is my concern. Right now we have just barely merged our lives financially and I can't help but think that maybe I should just leave now before things get more complicated. Unless something changes in his relationship with his kid our marriage will not make it through her living with us. I love this man more than I ever thought I could love anyone, he is wonderful to me and it would be devestating to give that up but all I can see is how it will eventually fall apart anyway because of SD.

I really feel for all of you who have to deal with their SK more often than I. My only saving grace is that SD and BM live about 2 hours away. Otherwise I'm sure we would be watching her while BM works or parties now that the fighting between BM and H has finally settled down. He wants to move closer and there was a time I was all for it but now the idea of having her here more often than we already do makes me stomach sick.

I had not thought about the toll it might take on my health but you make a very good point. I love my H so very much and want to at least enjoy the calm before the storm (her living with us full time) but I can't even seem to be able to do that because I'm always dreading the day the storm rolls in. If I had it all to do over again I would have waited to see if he is capable of changing how he interacts with her and lets her run the show while she is here before marrying him.

And, I'm glad to hear you have found a way to cope. That's what I'm trying to figure out for myself right now and I really hope it doesn't cost me wasted years and my health. Thank you for your insight.

After her last visit we had a talk and I explained how I saw our future if she were to move in with us with the way he handles things now. I told him our marriage would not last because I need more than a 5-minutes-a-day-after-she-goes-to-bed relationship. I also told him I would never had married him if we had taken that trip before the wedding. And, I pointed out some of the things that bother me the most, like how she intrudes everytime we have a couple of minutes to ourselves, how she is so needy and clingy because he does everything for her so she has no self confidence, and how has no problem calling my kids on their short comings but chooses to ignore hers. He has tried to use the exscue of "she's like that because I'm not around anymore". I say that's bull because my kids' dad sees them as much as he sees his kid and my BD 4 is way more self sufficiant than SD 5. I told him that I plan my time during her visits so I have to spend as little time as possible around them because I can't stand to watch their little freak show. I was a little less blunt but I made my point. He reluctantly said he would work on it. She will be back this coming weekend so I guess we will see if he took me seriously.

It's still nice to know I'm not alone even if you have no advice. Good luck figuring it out and if you do please, for the love of all that is holy...SHARE THE WISDOM! lol

"But still everytime i hear that little voice say "daaaaadddddyyyyyyyyyyyy" I just want to vomit."
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I could not have said it better myself. I'd be less disturbed by nails on a chalkboard than I am by this kids whiney voice.

Actually, it helps just to know someone gets it. It's not SD or H, it's what they are when they are together. It's disgusting, irritating, annoying, and literally makes me ill. I just can't tolerate being around them when she is here and for my own mental stability I avoid it like the plague. It bothers my H too but in my mind, if it bothers him so much he should do something about it because I've explained the problem and it's an easy fix and will benefit the kid in the long run. He's not making the effort so why should I?

I've only been a step for a couple of months now and have not spent very much time around her. I figure if it's this bad now, by the end of a year I'll be bald from pulling out my hair. We talked after her last visit. It went better than I had thought but this weekend will be the real test I guess. Unfortunately he's the type to put on a show to make me happy and do what he wants anyway when he thinks I'm not looking...so of course I'll be looking }:)

As for the princess thing...omg really? Do men really think they are doing their daughters any favors with that crap? They are going to grow up and life is going to punch them in the face and that's when they will finally realize that they are no more special than anyone else. It's going to hurt like hell too. I'm glad I was taught better but I've watched some people learn the hard way and it wasn't pretty. If there are any BF's reading this...think: selling their goods for their next fix to numb the pain of realizing that unlike what daddy told you, the rest of the world really doesn't give a crap about you, you did not hang the moon, you are not the center of the universe, and you are most definately NOT A PRINCESS!

Seriously, where are all these deadbeat dads I keep hearing about and why can'y my H be one? Just kidding...sort of. One of the things that I can't help but think about when SD is here is after my divorce I immediatly fell in love with my H. I mean head over heels, tarded bliss, in love. During that year before we got married we had some big ups and downs but I was so in love and truely believe he was as well so I hung in there. BUT...in that time, I had 3 seperate chances to date men who did not have a fraction of the baggage my H has. All very nice, likeable men who would have probably been quite good to me as well. I can't help but wonder when SD is here, if I should have said screw the hard love and taken the easy like. Once she's gone so is the thought. I'm a stepkid too and "was" one of the ones we are all writing about on here. I asked my SF (who I now consider my dad) how he survived. He beat around the bush and never really gave me an answer. I htink he didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me how aweful it was for him but I'm glad he stuck it out because I don't know where I'd be today without him. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm quite that strong.

I have 2 kids of my own and ya know what?...I take responsibility for them by raising them to be self reliant (appropriate to their age), honest, curteous, respectful adults. People who cater, enable, coddle and pamper their precious little snowflakes are raising incompetant, needy, self-centered adults. Guess who will have to deal with those kinds of adults? THE REST OF US. I love my kids very much and often it is HARD to not do things for them, especially when they are stuggling...but it would do them no favors in the long run. I know my kids prefer to be with their dad because he's all fun and games and lets them do what they want. I also know that due to this they will eventually choose to live with him but I refuse to parent out of fear of losing them because IT'S NOT WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM. My BD4 can make herself a pb&j, bowl of cereal, something to drink, and some snacks (I keep junk food out of reach). She can strap herself into her carseat, bathe herself (I prepare the water), AND entertain herself for quite a while. I have never seen my SD5 even attempt any of these things...not that daddy would dare let his special princess waste her time on such trivial things. The thing that irks me the most is how I can't even have 5 minutes alone with my husband to say goodbye before work when she's there because the seecond she sees us alone or notices her dad isn't withing visual range, she is all over us interupting our moment and he friggin LETS her. That's all the time I ask of him when she is there due to how little time he hass with her. He doesn't even notice or care that we were interupted. So I'm just supposed to smile and be happy about it? Screw that. I like many of the steps on here do not blame the kids, especially the younger ones, it's not their fault they have lousy parents. Unfortunately though, we steps are the ones who take the shrapnel.