Stepson tells us horrible things about his birth mother! What should we do?
My 7 yr old stepson has been coming to stay with us during the Summer, Spring Break, and Christmas break for the past 2 years now. This summer he has mentioned several things to us which we do not believe to be normal. When we ask his mother about them she denies each and every story he tells us.
He told us that his Mom has him pee in a cup all of the time and then she takes it to work. We asked her about this and she said it was not true.
He told us that his Mom gives him Benadryl to make him go to sleep at night. We asked her about this and she said only when he is having allergy troubles at night. We have not noticed any allergy problems at night.
We knew of him being sexually abused by another child while living with his Mom a few months ago because she chose to not pay for after school child care and allowed him to get off the school bus with other kids until she got off work in the evenings. Because her boyfriend is a police officer he told her that it needed to be reported, which we agreed, and after taking him to one counseling session with CPS she says they told her he doesn't need to go back.
He told us that when his Mom and boyfriend fight that he worries about the guy leaving and them breaking up. He says they fight because the boyfriend (police officer) does not want his Mom talking to his Dad unless he is present and listening to the conversation.
He has been begging to live with us but Mom will not allow it. She says that he belongs with her during the school year and he can stay with us when he is not in school. He cries and begs her to let him stay.
What should we do?
I'm so sorry that you're
I'm so sorry that you're having to burden this - you must feel helpless.
I would say that social services should be involved. Also, documenting what your step son says/does can be crucial to you and your husband's credibility to recollect what's been said to you. since both of you seem to provide stability and are actively involved in his life with frequent visitations, you may possibly have a shot at primary physical custody. A child psychiatrist may be needed as well. There's a difference between a counselor and a psych. However, I would ask and research a little more about that option. I say that because there aren't always many professionals to choose from who deal with kids the younger they are.
I pray that you find some answers and some peace
- Thinking of your family...God bless
I have been keeping a journal
I have been keeping a journal of things he tells us for the past year or so. We also have recorded him on video without him knowing while he tells us about these stories. The list goes on and on honestly, I could post all night the things he tells us but I only posted the most severe that bother us tremendously. We know that if we bring this up over and over again with her that she will keep him from us, not allow him to talk to us, etc.
She badmouths me and my 9 yr old daughter to him to the point where he told us that he had to pretend to not like us when he his at his moms because she will be mean to him.
With the few things you have
With the few things you have told us, I don't understand why his Dad hasn't already petitioned the court for a change in custody. He is not safe and he wants to live with you. That is half the battle.
There has never been any
There has never been any custody established. My husband was never married to her, they have never been to court, child support is paid to her voluntarily (no court order).
My husband thinks that fighting with her for custody will only make it worse for his son. He seems to think that in time she will give in and all of a sudden start caring about what her son wants and just let him come live with us.
I do not know if my stepson is telling the truth plus we don't have any proof. I don't think he could make all of these things up because I have a daughter that is a few years older and she never made up stories like this.
Your husband needs to grow a
Your husband needs to grow a pair. Sorry, but she will not ever willingly give up custody of the kid. You need to get something in writing from the court giving him his rights. This needs to be done now. It will take forever and you owe that child a better life. It doesn't matter if he is making the stories up. What matters is that he has a consistent relationship with both of his parents.
Call a lawyer! He may be
Call a lawyer! He may be embellishing his stories to get what he wants, but the things you've posted seem pretty specific. You obviously care about this little boy a lot. He needs to live with you and your husband. Poor kid!
This somewhat happened to us.
This somewhat happened to us. There were some incidents at BM's house, but we don't know for sure if SS was lying or not. Because now that we've had him full time for 3 years, we know he's a liar (not trying to be mean). I would figure out what is really the truth. DH also needs to get a lawyer and file for some sort of custody ASAP. If this child was really sexually abused in BM's home, this should have already been done. DH needs to step up.
I dont know what state you
I dont know what state you live in but I had 2 kids, then got married, getting the divorce I was told since the kids were born out of wedlock then custody is whoever has the kid, my ex could have taken the kids and never brought them back, I would have had to fight for them.. we were then told that if we would have been married when the kids were born then custody is automatically joint..
Talk to a lawyer, see if that if how it is where you live... if so, you dont have to let him go back to her house.. either way I would see with a lawyer what the best route is..
He might not be telling the truth, but is that a chance anyone is willing to take.
You could also get him counceling when you have him, she does not have to know about it.
I agree that this child
I agree that this child definitely needs some counseling.
Take the kid to CPS while he
Take the kid to CPS while he is with you and have him recount the stories. A seven year old does not lie about his mother having him pee in a cup for her to take to work.
BM is a druggie and I would not return my kid to her at the end of summer if I were your DH.
Best regards.
Sounds like a familiar story.
Sounds like a familiar story. May be true and may not. Get a really good Dr. level child therapist it will be worth the money in the long run. Insurance should pay at least some of the cost. If this goes to the court and it is court ordered Insurance often does not need to pay. Then it will come out of your pocket. Request that both the parents meet and work with the therapist that way both of you can have input and the truth can be determined. my ss young liked to tell stories to get bm's attention because she did not have placement and every time that ss got to see bm it was fun time. (not saying with you that it is the same but just outlining that kids will do almost anything to gain approval from the parents)
At this point it really doesnt matter if ss is telling the truth or is telling stories. He needs help either way.
What I have learned from experience is that if bm refuses or does not fully particiapte, get things in writing legally encouraging her to participate and have it be specific. who the dr. is, how many sessions it dr. requesting and that his/her recommendations be followed by bf and bm.
Our bm manipulated the orders and has done everything but follow the order. The judge even stated to bm the last time in court that he could not understand why she was going to such extreme lenghts to not follow his judgements.
Bottom line, you have a long road ahead either way. goodluck
We live in NC and she lives
We live in NC and she lives in FL, over 13 hours away. SS7 takes an airplane back and forth alone for each visit. He does not seem to be a liar as his stories are very detailed and honestly I don't think he is smart enough to make up these "lies" as BM calls them.
She says that he only wants to live with us because we go to the beach, trips, etc. I also have a daughter (9 yrs) and BM says he likes having someone to play with, she has no other children.
BM lives with a police officer that is why we wondered how she could be a drug addict and also questioned why she would need his pee?
One thing I learned is that a
One thing I learned is that a small child can most definitely make up detailed lies. I never had a clue that my ss was lying when he was coming to me telling me all sorts of things about bm. Eventually the more he said the more things didn't add up-if you talked to him enough about it the story would end up changing. The real kicker is when I found out that he had been making up stories about me for years. I had no clue. he would completely and totally make things up that had no basis in fact and just be as earnest as could be. A therapist woul be helpful at this point as another poster pointed out-if he is telling the turth it can be helpful, but even if he's lying it still shows that he has a problem
oh totally agree, when ss was
oh totally agree, when ss was 4-5 yrs old he told us the horrific very detailed incident where sd was hit by a white jeep over the weekend when they were at their moms.. and incident that never happened..they were not even where he says they were...with skids we realized that there were issues over at their moms, but they were not always honest about what the issues were.. probably just thier way of communicating that there are issues without directly telling on their mom.. who knows what goes on in a 4 yr olds mind! they are now 13 and 11.. and now they have jumped on the "lets play one against the other" bus.. lying is mearly a sport now.. but we always check on the off chance that it might be true and we didnt act on it..
..but just in case he is telling the truth, go to a lawyer and get him in counceling when you have him.. it baffles me why he would lie about the urine thing.. even more, why does she take it..
My SS7 told us last night
My SS7 told us last night that his mother and her boyfriend go to this place and drink 3 pitchers of beer on Wednesdays while he eats his curly fries, when his father asked him who drives them home afterwards he says that sometimes mommy drives and sometimes the BF drives.
He also told us that BF (police officer) leaves his gun in his belt hanging on the bedroom door or sometimes leaves it laying in the closet on the floor. This worries us tremendously because SS loves guns and anything to do with war and violence.
I am debating on taking him to see someone here before he goes home next week. My husband has gave her the ultimatum to get SS counseling or he will take it into in his own hands. She says she will now because she thinks I am going to call CPS on her but we are worried that after SS gets home she will scare him into not telling the truth by saying things to him like "they will take you away from mommy if you tell them this".