I need to ask
I was just wondering something from other stepparents.
Am I in the wrong to expect that my dfh put our relationship first sometimes. His daughter is 17 and does not need "daddy to do everything for her"
He lights up when she comes into a room and all the focus is on her and he is always complimenting her for something or another"
Sometimes I feel bad because I feel the way I do but I thing it should be me he is complimenting all the time and me that lights up the room for him. I feel like a second thought all the time to him and part of me thought that okay she will be 18 soon and move out and things will be different in our relationship. But I have read alot of topics on her from people with adult stepkids and it doesnt seem to change.
I would like to talk to him about the way I feel but part of me feels like then I am asking him to put me above his daughter. And then part of me thinks that he should I should be most important in his life after all he asked me to be his wife and share our lives together. I dont want to be above her needs which are not alot at her age
Am I wrong ?
Thanks so much for the
Thanks so much for the advice
I like this site its nice to know that I am not the only person going through this !!!
I talked about this with my
I talked about this with my DH too, how I felt ignored when his kids were around. Even if they just called on the phone DH would drop everything. And occasionally he still does, but sometimes he doesn't answer the phone either and I have to focus on that improvement. He's much more sensitive about keeping me included in the conversation and showing some affection to me too. I bet he doesn't even KNOW he's ignoring you.
Hell my ex would answer the
Hell my ex would answer the phone during SEX if her kids called. And we had a great sex life. Twice a day every day and she claimed to love it and we'd get together at the office, in the shower, whatever and wherever, and STILL we'd be in bed and if her phone went off with one of her kids' ringtones it was "I have to answer, it could be an emergency".
I HATED that.
Generally speaking, the way
Generally speaking, the way his daughter "lights up the room for him" is (or Should be??) in a Very Different way than You light up the room for him! I would think that it couldnt really be compared. Maybe because mine and DH's daughters are only 7 and 9, but they are truly daddy's girls, and he does light up when he sees them, but I cant picture it Ever being anything I would be jealous of? And since they are mine too, I of course think it's really sweet!
I suppose what I'm getting at, is that your FDH may very well not pay you enough attention for your needs, and he could be told to step up in that department. But I'm thinking he could certainly do both without there being a conflict. I dont picture that his daughter would want the type of attention that he would pay to you either!
Simple flirting and compliments arent too much to ask for! Gosh, you're not even married yet! At least let it get old and boring before stopping that stuff! I just think you should maybe ask for this extra attention and not draw any comparison to the attention he gives his daughter. I'm sure that is just your "measure" for knowing that he is ABLE to give attention (cuz he gives it to her) and why you notice it most when you see him give it to her.
midwestmama thank you ! You
midwestmama thank you !
You are right I think alot of it is that he is very affectionite with her and I dont understand why he cant be with me as well