Your husband has to lay down the law. They are not going to listen to you and if you and your husband aren't on the exact same page there will be problems.

Your husband needs to talk to them about house rules before they move in. Don't get to involved with that side of things it will blow up. Don't clean up after them let the house get dirty and talk to your husband about it.

Think long and hard about the future of your marriage before you do this.

Are they moving in permanently or is this temporary? Why isn't her husband providing them with a place to live? They are independent adults . not children.

I live with DH and SD(26) and she's also a slob. Initially when I moved in she agreed to certain chores . .then later decided that adults didn't need chores. So we spent a ton of time and energy trying to get her to do what she agreed upon in the first place.

Bottom line is that she's caused friction in our marriage and things got so bad that I was going to leave because I didn't want do deal with her BS. Marriage is hard enough as it is.

At this point, (almost 2 years now), I still have to ask her to clean up behind herself regarding certain things and she thinks nothing of leaving dishes in the sink for days at at time. Since day one, she hasn't done anything to cooperate with us and hopefully by next year this time she'll be in her own place. I was against moving in with them from the start but DH wanted me to bond with her. Didn't happen! As of now, I only tolerate her being here.

IMO if you allow them to move in, you can say good-bye to your marriage. If she's anything like my trifling and lazy SD, you'll have to deal with one negative issue after another. Don't allow it to happen!

1) The SD and husband are adults with one child and do not work.
2) They are slobs
3) DH's kids have already ruined 2 previous relationships
4) SD lies
5) DH 'told' you they were moving in

IMO it spells big trouble to me. First of all if these two adults are old enough to get married and have a child, they are certainly old enough to be gainfully employed and living on their own, with their own money. The fact that they aren't doing that now and maybe never have (held down jobs), says they may never work and earn their own keep. If you allow them to move in, they may never move out. Young people today often seem to have an unfounded sense of entitlement. They think the world owes them, instead of the other way around. Your DH feels guilt? Why should he at this point? His kids have moved on (both married and parents), it is time for DH to move on also and create a life for himself.

I am in a somewhat similiar situation. Soon to be SD,20 years old, has never worked a day in her life, pretty much flunked out of college...twice, spending $20,000 doing so and is now back living with dear old dad and me. She is a slob as well and I believe lies as well. Her concept of reality is a bit skewed or rather a lot skewed! I think it is because she has been allowed to go on her merry way without boundaries. This situation has created a major rift between my SO and myself, in an otherwise wonderful relationship. I am considering not marrying SO and moving out if things don't change and SD doesn't make a heartfelt effort to get on track for her age.

I would be afraid that these adult children would never move out if they are allowed to move in. It is one thing to help them out temporarily, but with their track record that doesn't seem like it would be the case. Then there is their child to think about. If they are as unmotivated as you described, who is going to be caring for that child while they live with you and DH?

I would really take a strong stand on this and not allow this to happen.
Good luck to you Indianeyes and let us know how things are going.

Lay down the rules immediately, before they move in. Write them down so everyone knows what is expected of them and there are no questions. Then give them a date that you need them gone. Tell them that while they are living with you they are expected to work FULL TIME and not just slacking out on the couch. It sounds like a conversation with a teenager, but sadly, that's what they sound like. If no boundaries are set, they will walk all over you.

Indianeyes - I have to agree with everyone else. A marriage is a partnership and this is your house too. This should be discussed between the two of you. If they do move in then the house rules should be laid out by both of you - standing strong and together. I think it would be a bad idea for them to move in at all. I wish you luck and hope it doesn't happen! Keep us posted!