Am I being Unfair
I need to know if I am being unfair,
We have the your mine and ours going on. I have always had the much larger income. DH adult children lie to us alot and do not want anything to us mostly should I say me, until it comes to large isues in their lives and need financial help. Since we have been married my extra income has gone to reducing what I give my children to be able to give his more to try and keep things fair as a family unit. Well 10 years later I am feed up with always giving my money for his kids to treat me with so little respect. MY DH never stands up for me to them he allows their actions and just tells me that he will stop doing for mine, even though he admits that my kids have never made him feel that away. I feel really stepped on bad here, nothing has changed. He acts like it is divorce time when I finally say no more and it makes feel like a divorce is the only to stop the hurt from them. We really make an awesome couple until the ex and kids get involved. And I love DH very much. Am I wrong for not wanting to take away from mine to give to people whom do not appreciate any thing I do for them?
Wait- this is a joke, right?!
Wait- this is a joke, right?! Let's recap:
You have been giving HIS ADULT "children" (who treat you with disrespect) YOUR hard-earned money, while at the same time, essentially taking it away from YOUR children who treat you WITH respect?
And, wait, your DH ALLOWS them to treat you this way and doesn't put a stop to it?
And...he purposely acts cold to you if you even hint at stopping the gravy train for the ingrates?
Someone's pulling my leg here!
Because if you're being 100% truthful, I'd have to tell you to tell your DH and his nasty adult "children" to "go pound sand"
There is no way on God's green earth I'd give another red cent to anyone who treated me with disrespect. You don't owe them ANYTHING. Are they sick? Disabled? In crisis? Then why are you handing them out your hard-earned money, especially when they treat you badly!
And as for DH, tell him that the guilt trips won't work anymore. Let HIM fork over HIS money if he wants, but as for you, the "bank of his-mine-ours" is officially CLOSED!
I found myself in a similar
I found myself in a similar situation, although it was for months, not years. I thought I was being "nice" and "helpful" and hoped his kids would like me. It hit me in the face one night when DH's son had another "emergency" (no one has had as many flat tires as this young man). DH withdrew some savings from our joint account, and then I couldn't pay my own daughter's college tuition. What an idiot I'd been. DH had to make a choice about supporting his adult son or living with me. He chose me and we set some financial rules. I'm not saying it was easy. He asked me for money for his son one other time, I said no, and that was the end of it.
Then guess what happened. His son eventually apologized to me for being such a pain in the ass. He's on the road to self-sufficiency now after we basically cut him off. (Lots of drama that I won't go into here.)
Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your post, but wanted you to know you're not alone! You absolutely MUST stand up for yourself and your own kids. If your DH chooses to leave you over this, then, really, what have you lost? He'd be showing you that you're not his primary relationship and, to me, good riddance.
No, you are definitely not
No, you are definitely not being unfair. You are the one being treated unfairly! You work for your money and anything you spend on anyone else but you is a gift. I do not usually give gifts to people that treat me like crap and that would include my stepchild if she treated me the way yours do. You should not feel you need to either!
Thank you all, He and I are
Thank you all,
He and I are so good until his children step back in. He himself has actually been making so many comments about finally seeing the light with how they act for the last several months they even disrpect him badly mostly the oldest. The oldest daughter is getting married AGAIN and she is the worse towards me. DH for the last several weeks had completely agreed that I did not have to put any of my money towards her wedding for he himself caught her in lies and was mad, until yesterday when she finally pinned him to a figure to donate to her wedding, he himself could not afford. Then he got very mad at me when I told him no and he blew. I have pretty much put in the posistion that winehead had done with her DH. It was so bad yesterday that he drug my son 21 into the conversation whom my DH respects and vice versa. My son told DH straight up that he knows his children lie misserably and that it was enough. Now DH is trying to act like all our conversations for the last several weeks about my money he misunderstood. I do not bye it there is no way to misunderstand those kind of conversations. I love my husband and the amount of money we make never comes into play until I get overloaded and hurt again. It was just mothers day and I got no even a phone call, yet she wants my money. The funny part is she is going to Daddy becasue she knows I will tell her no. She played this game her first marriage and hurt DH mother so DH husband did not even walk her down the isle. THis marriage she is starting off with a lie to her future hubby about her divorce just ended not 2 yrs ago like she told him SD has a lot of her mothers traits in the liying dept.
Thank you everyone for letting me know that I am not the only one who is going through this...
You have been MORE than fair.
You have been MORE than fair. I would tell him to go ahead and file for divorce because not only will his kids lose their gravy train, he will be anteing up for child support which will take even more from THEM. Sort of Robin Hoodish....lol!