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SD failing 3rd grade

angietaba's picture

Submitted by angietaba on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 3:13pm

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Parenting Issues

My SD is failing 3rd grade. This is crazy to me. How she can be failing. We have 50/50 custody. So her mother has her two school days. She doesn't check her homework and not making sure she is doing all her homework. My SD is very lazy. She is smart she doesn't care about school. We punish her and take things away and tell her she won't get a birthday party if she doesn't improve. When she is with us she will get things done because we are watching her. But then her mom doesn't punish and seems not to care. No one in her moms family has graduated high school. We have talked to her mom and she says she is doing what she can. (which is nothing)Do we still punish her and not give her a birthday party because she is not doing stuff at her moms? I just get sick of being the bad guy. Everytime she comes with us she is in trouble. If she fails 3rd grade we are going to go to court and fight to get custody for the school year on all school days. But for now what is a fair punishment????

Denial's picture

Submitted by Denial on Tue, 04/20/2010 - 3:22pm

I wouldn't throw her the birthday party - the #1 rule in being effective in your consequences is follow through. If you told her "no birthday party" - that means "no birthday party". I would also make sure BM doesn't throw one anyway.

I'd still do something at home for her birthday to acknowledge it, but I would have a full blown "invite your friends over" - send in the clowns kind of party.

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 9:12am

delete

Lilly's picture

Submitted by Lilly on Fri, 04/23/2010 - 9:23am

I think you are doing the right thing, her mother is not doing her part, so you have to cover all bases.
Your SD has to know that even though she is not with you, the work must get done. Its a priority. It does not matter what house she is in.
Education is obviously not important to her mother. In the long run stepping in and being the bad guy will pay off. She is still so young, dont let her fall in to a bad pattern with school, especially since she is so young. If she falls into bad study habits she may never catch up.

I think you are doing the right thing,. when she is with her mom I would call her and see if everthing is done.

I agree with the no birthday party. I would still celebrate but not the way she wants. Maybe you can do a reward system when the grades are good, focus on the positive,