I feel the same way about my BF's daughter. I try to avoid her a lot! And she lives with us full time. "Luckily" I have a chronic illness that requires hours of treatments a day so my BF can't get mad at me but I do feel guilty about it at times. Especially since I don't work and he does. BUT his sister (she introduced us so we are very close) has told me numerous times that she isn't my problem, she is not my daughter, he is the parent and he should take control. So I am slowly trying this too, slooooowly being key here haha. And I don't have any bio kids ether.

As for the jumping into bed thing, SD does it to us too. My BF carries her back to her bed though and has yelled at her each time. It has slacked off quite a bit. Now we are working on her waking us up at 6:30am on the weekends (she is 8). I say nudge her when she kicks you...roll into her, make her life sleeping there unbearable so she wants to leave and doesn't want to come back. Or so she moves to his side and it interrupts his sleep. Of course pretend you are sleeping so you can say "oh I did what?!" HAHA...I'm evil sometimes but it seems to work When she was coming into our bed she would get in my side...I have to sleep on the edge so my feet hang out of the covers. I started rolling into her and not moving over. She switched sides and it started waking my BF up so he realized she was coming in and that made him mad once his sleep was disturbed.

I understand completely! I'm just glad that I'm not the only one experiencing this although I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My DH's 4 year old slept with him and his ex when she was a baby. Then when they separated, they both continued sleeping with her at their respective homes. Now, she is just a few weeks shy of 5 and cannot be in the bed alone. She refuses to go to bed by herself. So every night my DH takes her to bed, lays down with her until she falls asleep. Then in the middle of the night whether it's one, two, three, or even sometimes four times... she comes into our room and drags DH out of bed to go back to bed with her. Then he falls asleep with her all curled up. Then I wait for him... and when he doesn't come back, I know that he has fallen asleep and I go in there, pull him out of bed with her to come back to bed with me... it's a never-ending cycle.

I'm from the old school where children don't sleep with their parents unless their sick or there's a bad storm or something like that. Unfortunately, DH and ex have taught this child a very bad bedtime behavior that I think is going to be detrimental down the road. Unless this habit is broken, she's always going to think that she needs someone in bed with her. If that is the case then I dread the teenage years when she starts dating!

I also know what you mean about not wanting to be around her. They are very possessive of their dads and they don't mind you giving them attention but they don't want their dad giving you any of the attention that they want. Every time I approach DH, who might be sitting on the couch, sd will race me to the couch so that I can't get next to him. SD throws fits and tantrums all the time and DH won't put an end to them. Every once in a while he will spank her but not nearly enough in my book. I just can't stand the jealousy on her part. Believe me, I know my place. DH will always love her more than he loves me... It's like he tells me... "she is blood and you're not. She was around before you and will always be around no matter what." I don't even try to compete with her... But DH still claims I'm jealous of her. I wouldn't say that I'm jealous... I just want him to not take me for granted and to love me too. DH even allows her to call me a "loser" and he doesn't care... His response... "She's four."

Don't get married! Please don't take that the wrong way but if your fiance is not listening to your complaints and not helping you by making ground rules for her to live by in order to provide you with your personal space and respect for your needs, then it's only going to get worse.
My DH doesn't have a testicle to spare when it comes to putting his daughter in her proper place and she disrespects us left and right and I can't stand it. When I ask for help from him he doesnt know what to do and throws his hands in the air and wants to give up but it leaves me hanging.
I hope your situation gets better. Maybe I'm overstating a bit but my SD is 15 now and she walks over anyone in her path because she was 4 once and everyone thought it was cute.