Is it normal to have to c the ex wife every weekend?
I've been in a relationship for a yr n 1/2. My bf has kids wk on n wk off w his ex. Every weekend we c her, reguardless if it's his wk or not. She shows up to the kids games, even if she drives 2hrs away to do it. She has one of her children signed up for everything her boyfriends child is in n it makes my bf drive all ova. The agreement was one sport per season, she has him in 3. So every fri sat n sun we r stuck seeing her. I discussed w my bf that I need to c less of her but he says it's all abt the kids. The problem I have w that is she refuses to take her older child to his sports activities bc it's not convenient w her. Her new bf wldnt give up a weekend to go to this childs sport. Just seems like I live on the ex's time. If it's her weekend n she won't take her child to his sport my bf does it. If it's her weekend n my bf misses a sports activity she bashes him to the kids. It's a catch 22, any suggestions on how to deal w this? I'm getting tired of seeing her every weekend. Does it ever get better?
no...it's all about "your
no...it's all about "your relationship" and his kids...he needs to respect your thoughts. Unfortunately I have to see birdnosed BM every weekend...since we see the kids every weekend...I just ignore her face ; )
I feel your pain. Coupla
I feel your pain. Coupla things. I know you might want to go to the sports events on weekends in order to be supportive to the kid and to spend time with your bf. First order of action -- don't go, or don't go so much. If it stresses you out and you hate seeing the ex, use that time to do your own thing. Go to the gym, have lunch with your friends, get your nails done. Whatever. If you have a good relationship with the kid, long term this won't change it. However I still totally get that you feel that you bf is slave to the schedule created by the ex. And I get that the bashing thing is not cool. Here is the place where the future of your relationship with the bf is really important, in my mind -- you need to tell him how you feel, what is important to you, and have a heart to heart on how he can make you feel like a priority while still being a good dad. If you feel he is respecting you, and you feel like he is drawing boundaries with his ex and not taking crap, seeing her face won't be so bad. Even if you DO have that going for you, it's still hard. So you need to at LEAST have that foundation. THEN, you need to go buy the book "The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a man, his kids, and his ex-wife" by Sally Bjornsen. And THEN you might want to think about marrying someone without baggage. I'm in it four years, with a one year old son of our own, and a 16 yo stepdaughter and 12 year old stepson every other week and it does NOT really get any easier. I hate having their mother and even them part of my life. I acknowledge that I fell in love with him in part because being a daddy made him different than the other men I had dated, but man, it sure is a bitch a lot of the time. Lessons learned.
yikes! that sucks.. you and
yikes! that sucks.. you and your boyfriend should not feel obligated to make it to EVERY game.. thats silly.. if it stresses you out.. as it would me, then do your own thing. I would.
I dont think its fair to you to see this ex every week.. your boyfriend will understand. He has to.. how would he feel if he had to see your ex every freakin week?
to answer your question, no, i dont think it is normal. we have very limited contact. But that may be because he is only 3 and the p/u's are done via daycare.. so i dunno.
I tried to explain how I
I tried to explain how I feel but he says it's all abt " the kids"...n if I were to ask them they wld say they want both thea parents thea. Well duh, if u ask them if they wld like thea parents married again then wld say yes to that also...thanks for ur feed back
I'm a year and a half into
I'm a year and a half into this relationship with my boyfriend. In the beginning, I told him I didn't ever want to meet her. I conceded, and that was what seemed like the beginning of a disaster! It has led to longer discussions (I refuse to "fight"), and while it's taken some time, and a few strenuous incidents, he has gotten my point.
"It's all for the kids" - at some point, I made it clear to him that if hanging around with his ex was "all for the kids", then I had no business nor desire to continue the relationship. Thankfully, I found this site (or it found me?)and all the wonderful and well-adjusted users, when I was feeling the lowest and most confused. In a few weeks time, I've been able to make a lot of headway with my bf. Good luck to you.
stop going to the games.
stop going to the games. easiest deal there. not your job to go.
For you marrieds that have
For you marrieds that have been doing this awhile.. does it get easier? Do you eventually get numb? My heart races everytime I have to make contact, or when she is in our presence and normally it is only for a few minutes... my gosh.. is this normal? Will it get better the more we see her? Right now we see her, I would say, about 6 times a year?
I used to be that way, til I
I used to be that way, til I stopped giving a shit about BM. It took for me to realize "Hey! I am NOT the other woman! I am DH's WIFE!!" to stop giving a shit. Once I realized I had no reason to feel that way, that uneasiness went away.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
My advice after 9 1/2 years
My advice after 9 1/2 years of being a SM is do NOT ask your bf to miss his kids' events because you are not comfortable with it. They are his kids and if he's even remotely decent, he doesn't want to miss them. I would never dream of asking DH to miss an event because I don't want to see BM. I don't give two shits what she thinks and I go to every event of theirs unless my own son has something at the same time. Your bf will be caught up in trying to make you happy but wanting to be there for them, and will most likely become resentful of you for making him choose.
To me, it IS all about the kids. In my opinion, they will one day be grown and then DH and I can have all the time in the world together, but for now, they all come first.