I don't know what to do - PLEASE HELP!
My DH and I are in the process of a Divorce largely due to BM and all of her BS. I can't go into any great detail because she is on here and has printed my posts and submitted them to court and CPS stating that this is a hateful site that supports child abuse. I don't want to deal with more of that.
DH and I were married only 1 1/2 years. He kicked me out and I am devastated. This is a man that loved me so much and literally worshiped the ground that I walked on but now I'm nothing? Just like that? How?
So, even though the divorce paperwork has been filed and the process is under way, he still gets jealous if he hears that I went out with another guy and he still wants to see me from time to time, but that's just to get some 
As pathetic as it is; that's what I'm clinging to. The little bit of attention that I get from him when he wants to use my body. As I'm writing this out I'm realizing just how pathetic I've become and I know what I'd say to anyone else in my situation.
I think that the fact that he still get still gets jealous means he still cares?
I miss him so much and I'm looking for any sign of the 'old' him, but he doesn't look at me the same and I'm left feeling like I'm worthless, annoying and clingy (which is NOT how I was when we were together). He was the clingy one, now the roles have reversed and I hate it. I miss him and this whole situation is breaking me.
Any sort of advice or opinions is appreciated.
How awful! I'm sorry you're
How awful! I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. I know the cycle of low self-esteem can lead you to do things like allow yourself to be used, which in turn only add to the low feelings, but you've got to stop it and remind yourself that you deserve better and the only way you're going to feel that way is to stop giving in.
I know there is a ton more to this story just from what is hinted on here and it's not necessary to know the details to know that you're in a really bad place right now. I hope you have a good friend or family member close by or someone you can talk to that can help you through this. Don't turn to him if you know he's only using you. And you know jealous does not equal caring.
Do yourself a favor and cut
Do yourself a favor and cut off all contact with him. If you need to talk about things for the divorce then limit it to email. I he truly is only contacting you when he wants sex then he will stop when you are no longer giving in to him. If he truly loves you he will continue to contact you through email and talk it out. By giving into his physical needs immediately you are giving him control and prolonging the hurt and pain that your divorce is bringing. Jealousy does not equal love. I have been there and done that. It sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Respect yourself and know that you desrve more. It is horribly difficult to seperate when you have loved someone, but you deserve the same amount of love & respect in return.
Thank you Stepma, very much.
Thank you Stepma, very much. I don't have anyone to talk to. I have a moron sister (love her to death but she's an idiot). I've got a girlfriend who I don't trust very much (can't even go in to why), I don't want to talk with my parents and I don't want to talk with my old friends whom I'm only now reconnecting with as I don't want to be THAT whiney girl going on and on about her heartace! You know who I'm talking about! LOL. I just try my best to be strong. I was even starting to move on, but then I got sucked right back in because I want SO badly for us to work out and he said just the right things to let me think there was hope, but now I'm thinking that hope may have been more empty promises. I don't think even he knows what he wants. Thanks for being there, this is just a bad day. Bad night last night and now he's ignoring me today. I wish I was strong enough to say ENOUGH.
Thank you too Green and
Thank you too Green and Cheese.
Oh and Green: I did cut off
Oh and Green: I did cut off all contact. He called me after six days and that's when I got drawn back in. So if he did contact me then what does that mean? He cares? OR he was just really horney?
LIR- Probably a little bit
LIR- Probably a little bit of both, but evidently not enough to change his ways and pull his head out of his ass. There is a reason why it did not work out. I don't pretend to know everything and I don't post very often, but I have been in your position before... I have had the same feelings and struggles. I left the man I had loved for years. The things he is doing to you now sound exactly like what I went through. Thanks to some wonderful friends and family I was able to see through his bullshit and realize it was exactly as another poster has commented.... he doesn't want me, but he also doesn't want anyone else to have me. I was fortunate enough to work in a male dominated field and had many male friends to help me realize exactly was going on from a male's point of view. It was difficult.... get up everyday, make coffee for myself, be alone... except for my wonderful little doggie. After some time shutting my ex out of my life (only communicating about details of getting things from his place that were mine) I began to love myself again. I took joy in the little things... such as watching whatever tv shows I wanted to & letting my doggie sleep w/me (which he did not allow). It took some time but I can now look back and I know he didn't love me the way that I should and deserve to be loved. I hope you will gain the strength and support you so desperately need right now. Many people on this site I believe have probably been in a similar situation, but only you can determine what is best for you.
"No One Ever Said Life Is Fair!"- My Father
Cut all contact with him.
Cut all contact with him. Yes he was probably horny. If he can't give you all - then it's nothing. You can have all of someone else without SK's & a BM...Believe me your life will get better. Just don't make the same mistake twice. I have learned & I'll never date or live with a man that has small children. The SK's & BM's tend to be very manipulative. I guarantee you'll be better off without him & all the BS that comes with him once your heart heals. I wish you luck.
it sounds like it is one of
it sounds like it is one of those I dont want you but dont want anyone else to have you either. Keep a smile on your face, try like hell to not let him know how much you are hurting and dont answer his calls or texts or emails..
You are not there for him to use when he wants to get a little.. and as much as it hurts you will never find the person he was a few yrs ago, you might see little things here and there, but that is only wishful thinking.
Move on with your life, dont worry about him and what he thinks or what he cares about.. he isnt concerned with you that way.
Right now he knows you are there at the drop of a dime, he knows how desperate you are.. so he knows he can do what he wants because you are willing to do anything to please him just to have him love you like he use to.. be strong, even though it hurts to breath at times.. dont show him that.
My husband walked out on me and 2 kids for a flippen 19 yr old.. it took me awhile to realize that I didnt mean enough to him for him to stay, and even though I was kissing his ass when he took the time out of his life to bother with me.. it didnt mean he cared, it just meant he needed something and I was the person he knew would do it because I was so truely pathetic, and thought just cuz he called or came over that he still loved me.. only when I got on with my life and told him no did he stop and leave me alone so I could get over him..
WOW, this is definately the
WOW, this is definately the hot dose of reality that I needed. I know you are all completely right. During the 6 days that there was no contact with him, each day I felt a little stronger. I'm no model but I get asked out a lot, even got asked out again today! I think that you are all correct and I agree that allowing myself to be used and continuing to contact him is just prolonging the hurt, not only that, but it still hurts along the way! epgr, you said, "as much as it hurts you will never find the person he was a few yrs ago, you might see little things here and there, but that is only wishful thinking" that really hit me hard! I know it's true. I just don't want it to be true and it hurts, but that's just part of the process.
I learned alot from my ex
I learned alot from my ex walking out, and the things I wouldnt ever do again.. I know it hurts to wake up, it hurts to breathe and the last thing you want to do is give into those "I dont even want to get out of bed" thoughts.. you are perfect for someone out there, and someone out there is perfect for you.. dont miss the chance of meeting him cuz you are hung up on a man who kicked you out and is using you.
As my mom told me when I was laying in bed for days at a time.. "get up, take a shower and go live your life sweetie".. she also said what goes around comes around..he will get his (in my case she was sooooo right!!)
It took me awhile with fake smiles and saying no to the ex when all I wanted to do is say yes.. but you can do it!!
You know, I've been thinking
You know, I've been thinking today and after even one day of no contact with him (he's apparently ignoring me), I have to say that I feel better. My thought process clears a little when he's not around, (WEIRD)
I did receive an email from him just a little bit ago (first email in a while that didn't make my stomach jump). He was honest. He says he doesn't know what he wants but that he does love me and he does miss me. I sent an email back that thanked him for being honest with me and said that I love him and I miss him too.
He really is a great guy and I will miss him very much. But, he's made up his mind, at least for now, and I'm not going to sit around and wait for him to change it. I AM BETTER THAN THAT. I'm young, I'm fun, I'm pretty and I don't need to wait around on some guy to decide if he wants to be with me! (See what one day with no contact does for me? Seriously, when I wrote my post this morning I was ready to jump off a bridge, now I'm just fine). BUT, I can't deal with these ups and downs anymore as I've got far too much of those in my own situation!
My point is, I think this is it ladies, and I'm okay with it. Thank you all of being there for me today, thank you for your responses and for the private messages.
Still, I am NOT going to date for a while. I am going to stay single and focus on myself and my wonderful kids. I don't need anyone. So I declined on the dinner offer tonight and I'm planning on eating CoCo Puffs and watching Two and 1/2 men by MYSELF! And for once in my life; I'm okay with that :? .... I know.... WEIRD!
That is the best for you. I
That is the best for you. I think if I ever divorce dh... it would be best if I never had contact with him. I am not going to be like his bitter dh. I am not going to worry about if he i dating. If he had another kid. Because I won't care. That is the one thing that I really appreciated about my ex. He told his kids not to tell me who he was dating. Becaue he didn't want to hurt me. Because he actually cared about my feelings.