I'm his BM..she's not

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Ok I have a 2 year old son and his BD is now married to the woman he was cheating on me with. They have a 1 year old BD. A few months back she emailed me trying to point fingers and say I was a bad mother. I responded to my ex and asked that he handle the situation b/c there was no reason for me to dignify her absurd comments with any remark of my own. She obviously lacks respect for me as my son's mother and I don't feel like I need to have contact with her unless necessary. I am also a SM so I can see both sides of the situation, but my SS's BM is a different story and her and I have no reason not to have a good realtionship.

Anyway, I have this sinking feeling (call it mommy intuition) that my son's BD is having him call is SM "mommy". I can't prove it since my son isn't old enough to tell me it himself, but he'll starting talking about "mommy, daddy, baby sister, tessa (which is their dog). I would never expect my SS to call me "mom" since I am not his mother unless he wanted to, but I think they are teaching my son to do it which is a slap in the face to me. Has anyone else experienced this? I know I might be jumping to conclusions but his SM is a vindictive b**** and would like nothing more than to have control and piss me off.

Since your son is so young

Since your son is so young it's possible he is accidentally confusing the roles. He sees this woman that his dad is with and hears his half sister calling this woman mommy so I think he probably just gets confused and calls her that too. It would hurt if my son did that at his age(7) but I think I'd be more inclined to understand why he's doing it at the age of 2. Of course, I'm giving this SM the benefit of the doubt hoping she isn't encouraging this just to be vindictive and hateful to you. I'm hoping this is just a confused little 2 year old baby trying to make sense of everyone's role in the family now.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~

That's what I am hoping too.

That's what I am hoping too. The only thing is he doesn't really do this with my fiance. Which is why it makes me more inclined to think it is being taught. It was hard enough having his SM try to tell me I am a bad mom, which I am far from being, but if my son is being taught to call her mommy it will be the last straw. His BD I think is intimidated by his SM so I can't see him correcting her...plus to be honest he's not the brightest crayon in the box! So he might not even see it as an issue.

God what a shitty

God what a shitty situation.
Are you still on talking terms with your ex? Can you tell him that it would make you uncomfortable, and ask them to make up a nickname or something for her?
This is not a situation where exH and SM has been together for years. He has to respect that there is going to be some crazy harsh feelings between the two of you for awhile.
Check out this site, there are some good articles about moving on and building working relationships with boundaries.
www.bonusfamilies.com

My partner does have the

My partner does have the same problem his girls have been informed by there BM that they are to call ber boyfriend daddy and to me its awful.

You have obviously been very dignified with the way you have been acting. How old is your child could you not ask your child in a careful way obviously it is a hard thing to do. At the moment my partner wants to talk to the girls about the same thing (i have done a post) but we dont know how either.

This is a tough one with

This is a tough one with young kids/skids.

I became "Dad" to my SS-17 when he was 15mos old. His Mom and I married 8mos after we met but he started calling me "Daddy" a few months after my wife and I started dating.

His BioDad's picture was on the living room wall in my Wife's appartment when we started dating. When asked about "Daddy" he would point at the picture.

A few months later my GF and I were discussing her family and my wife used the word "Daddy" in reference to her own Dad. Her son said "Daddy" clear as day and pointed at me. She and I were both stunned.

So I was the first person the boy called "Daddy".

My GF and I married several months later. So, I have been "Dad(dy)" ever since.

Our Son (my SS) has visited with his BioDad regularly since he was 2yo but I have pretty much alwas been Dad.

It is pretty much "normal" for the Man in a house to be "Dad" to the kids and the Woman in the house to be "Mom". Especially with younger children. If there is anything "normal" in a blended family situation.

As tough as that may be for the BioParent who is not in the household to accept it.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Well being as the SM is also

Well being as the SM is also the OW she is the last person who has any right to call you a bad mother. All she should expect from you is polite and cordial behavior. If she's not a decent enough human being to understand that she already stepped on you and should do her best to stay out of your way, then you have no need to cultivate a relationship with her.

As for you child calling her mom..I can see why it would hurt you. I would be hurt too. But he's young. Maybe like others have said, its his way of making sense of his already complex life. Talk to ex about it and tell him you would feel more comfortable if he would encourage your son to use a different name for daddy's wife. Your son will probably slip up just because of his age but that doesn't mean that he shouldn't start learning correct names now. Maybe with repition he will learn how to use her new name.

Honestly I have never done

Honestly I have never done anything to his SM. I hadn't even been introduced to her until his BD and her were married/expecting another child (without my knowledge, not that it was my business). From what BD has told me she is an "aggressive person". She has actually had a falling out with his GM b/c she thought she should put his GM in her place. I barely have contact with her and was actually surprised by her contacting me. When I even forwarded the emails to my ex so that he could understand why I was upset and what she had said. Basically she told me she had a better connection to my son that I did and that she knew everything about him. This coming from someone who sees him EOW whereas I have my BS 26 out of 30 days a month. It was all pretty hurtful considering I've never done anything to harm my son, never would and have always put him first in my life. At this point I can't talk to her b/c of her actions towards me...she has a lack of respect for me. It might sound petty but I can't tolerate that b/c it is not a good example for her to be setting for my BS.

My son doesn't call my fiance "daddy"..he has his own name for him which is perfectly fine with both of us. I know if the situation was reversed my ex would not like my BS calling my fiance "daddy". Unfortunately my BS is only 2 so having a discussion with him won't work.

I'm also the child fo a blended family so I know how this situation works..my SD and SM have been in my life since I was 4 so I grew up dealing with the same issue.

I can definitely see your

I can definitely see your point about forming a relationship. I think there is still a part of me that is hurt by the entire situation. Not that I want my ex back but as you said she is also the OW. It's odd b/c my BM went thru the same situation..my SM is the OW but I've never called her "mom". The realtionship was always cordial but then again my BM never had my SM questioning her ability to be a parent.

My ex is unfortunately clueless and I think his wife wears the pant in the family. I think she wants a medal for being my BS's SM..she had made a comment about how she was up rubbing his gums when he was teething...there was a huge part of me that wanted to say "good for you..it's called being a parent...we don't get medals".

The contact she attempted was recent so I still have some feelings on animosity towards her to be honest. If her approach had been different then there wouldn't have been a problem b/c I would have seen it as an attempt to be involved with the raising of my son. Yet to attack me was just not the right approach. I guess with time it will be better but I find it funny that she criticized me yet she knows nothing about me.

Interestingly enough I am a SM..and my SS's BM and I get along great...I'm nto threatened by her and she's not of me..we are able to laugh and enjoy being around each other...but then again..I never questioned her parenting.

I will try and take your advice...I know that in the long run you are right and it would be good for me to show my son that everyone gets along...

He will call her what you

He will call her what you call her ..... too true.

When he was young my SS (then ~3yo) got the phone before my Wife or I could when it rang. This was one of his favorite games when he was 3. Grab the phone, answer and run away laughing with the phone while Mom and Dad chased him down the hall yelling for his to give us the phone. On the the occurance I am recouting he answered the phone, heard his BioDad's voice and said "Oh Hi DickHead". Both my wife and I just abbout choked. Fortunately BioDad's name sounds similar to "DickHead" expectially when spoken over the phone by a laughing 3yo.

Though we thought we were being discrete in our venting about the toothless moron SpermDad, we apparently had not been as discrete as we thought we were.

Since then we have never refered to THEM (the SpermClan) as anything but their first names when our Son (my SS) is in the house. We do our venting when he is on visitation, at school or out with his friends.

Not one of my proudest moments as an adult of a "Dad" but definately a learning moment. Regardless of the facts of BioDad's idiot life he is still my Son's (SS) "father" and is important to my Son.

Best regards,

Here I am sitting at my desk

Here I am sitting at my desk trying to figure out what name sounds like DickHead. That is classic. You are right though. These kids are like little sponges. After the first time SS called me "that b*tch" at age 2, we were always careful what we said in front of the kids. He obviously didn't come up with that one on his own. My name sounds nothing like b*tch... and I confront BM about it a few years later. She admitted to teaching him to say it. What a bad mom. Who TEACHES their 2 yo to speak that way?!?!? Only a woman scorned I suppose.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Wow. There are so many typos

Wow.

There are so many typos in the above post that I sound like an idiot.

I am embarrassed.

My ss has a nickname for me,

My ss has a nickname for me, but he came up with it on his own. Maybe that is something the OP of this thread can think about. Maybe help him come up with a nickname for SM, something NICE of course... maybe a version of her name that would be easy for him to say. That could be another reason he is reverting to MOMMY, it is easy for little ones to say, especially if her name is long and full of consonants like mine. Just a thought

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Her name is pretty hard to

Her name is pretty hard to mess up..but I think it's a good idea for him to come up with something on his own. He's actually done that with my mom..she wants to be "grandma" and he calls here "mama". I can do the NICE thing..LOL. When I ask him questions now I refer to her by her name...but when I say her name he gives me no response..either he's being a 2 year old or he has no clue what her name..he knows the dogs name though! LOL

Try putting it in

Try putting it in perspective for him, say her name and Daddy, always put them together so he can associate it with her. Can he say her name?? There is nothing wrong with you teaching him how to SAY her name. He is young, he is still learning how to talk. It is all in HOW you deliver it to him. Not spiteful, or harsh. Maybe you can take her name and put a "Y" on the end of it. Like KimmY... kids like using Y like mommY and daddY. You gotta think like a 2 year old!!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

He should be able to say her

He should be able to say her name..as I said he can say the dogs name which is Tessa..her name is VERY close to the dogs name. I've actually tried saying did you, daddy, baby sister and SM (insert real name) have a good weekend..or daddy said you went to the playground..did baby sister and SM go too. I really do try to be nice and polite when it comes to them..if I'm angry with his BD or SM I spell out their names for now (I know that won't last forever) or just vent my anger when he's not around..

That's all you can really

That's all you can really do. Keep up the good work, he will learn. He KNOWS who his mommy is. Boys have a special bond with their mommy's. He is just a baby still. It will work itself out. Hang in there.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

The hardest thing for about

The hardest thing for about about being a MOM and a STEP MOM, is that we cannot control what happens in the other house. I can'tcontrol the fact that BM is a lazy POS, that refuses to lift a finger to save her own life. I can't control the fact that ExH sends my girls to school without a jacket on in the dead of winter. It is what it is. Now, I surely don't agree with any one forcing a child to call a step parent anything they are not comfortable with. I know that when SS was little (1 1/2) it was confusing to him because my girls called me mommy, maybe his little sister is starting to call her mommy. 2 is so young. It is hard to tell what is going on in their heads. Just be the best MOMMY you can be and it will all fall in to place as he gets older.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I am a BM and a SM and my

I am a BM and a SM and my BD(sunshine) was 8 yrs old when I met DH. Sunshine was about 12 when she started call him dad. Dh and I where not married at that time. She came up to me and asked if he would like to be called dad? I told her to call him whatever was in her heart, I told her that calling him by his first name would be fine. But if she wanted she could try calling him dad and depending on how that made her feel she can take it from there. My Sd’s were about 6/4 when they started calling me mom. I think it was b/c they would hear sunshine calling DH dad. It made me feel special. Of course this made BM very upset b/c I was just the “girlfriend”!!!
She told her daughters not to ever call me that b/c if they did she would die. They were very confused and would tell me that they really wanted to call me mom. I told them not to worry about it that it was okay for them to call me by my first name. Well guess what they call their step dad......UGH!!! Oh well

~Life's a Journey-So take a deep breath and enjoy the ride~

you will know for sure by

you will know for sure by age 3.. my SS has always called me a nickname.. he heard my husband call me a nickname so he caught on to that, he couldnt say my real name anyways.. he is 3 now and just calls me the nickname.. for a year and a half though, he would accidently call me mommy, because he got confused with the 2 households.. now he doesnt get confused anymore, he just calls me the nickname.. My advice to you is to wait it out.. you wont know for sure until probably 3.. then, maybe you can find out directly from your son.

My DH had suspicion that BM was making his son call her boyfriend Dad, so he just asked him.. he says, so.. whos over at moms house? and started naming people. Then son said boyfriends actual name, so then he knew he wasnt calling him Dad.. but, yes, that would be really hurtful if she was doing that. Also, I would ignore her and go to your ExH to address these things.. that will really tick her off..

My Sd gets confused from the

My Sd gets confused from the households and calls me Grandma... Ick!

I'm hoping that's the

I'm hoping that's the case...it would really be hurtful to me if he was being taught to call her that. My SS7 asked me one time if his mom died would it make me his mom. I told him she would still be his mom and I would be his SM so not to have him confuse the roles. However, I don't see my BS's dad or SM doing the same for me.

I've already put her out of any discussions...I go to my ex and that's it. I give my SS's BM the same courtesy...unless it's an issue that directly concerns me I leave it to my fiance and his ex to discuss.

I have been in your

I have been in your position! I know how much it hurts!

My BD was 4 when my EH remarried. They all referred to SM as BD's New Mommy. It was so hard. One day BD said that SM was her real mommy. I cried. My BD then grabbed a pic of the two of us and held it to her heart & said Mommy and hugged me.

The thing is that you have NO control over what happens or what is said it the other house (it took me a while to get over this) The only thing you can do is be the best Mommy you can be. Your child will see thru it. I did tell my BD that she was inside me & i was the only one who gave birth to her. A mommy is a special name/person and you don't call just anyone that. I also told her that i am glad that she loves her SM, but she should only call her mom if she trusts, loves & believes in her like she does me. BD calls her SM by her first name ;-]

These confusions also messed up my daughter. She peed the bed a few times and was stressed out. If you see any depression & such then i would talk with your Ex about these concerns. I did not have a good relationship with EH at the time and i actually went to EX-MIL to have her talk with her son. I told her to stop referring to SM as the new mommy & as an addition to the family.

~Cr@zy~

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