BF and I keep everything separate and I plan on keeping it that way. He pays certain bills, I pay certain bills, we split others and pretty much buy our own groceries. I did that intentionally so that we couldn't fight about money and I couldn't be po'd about what he gives Wilda. Even though I am anyway

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

We put most of our money into a joint account but then DH and I both have separate accounts too that we put $300 a month into that is ours to spend how we want. If we but the skids presents, it usually comes out of our joint account. But when DH offered to pay for SS music lessons, he took it out of his own account.

do not pay rent. use the money in a different way. pay some utilities, pay groceries.

you have screwed yourself over financially if you leave. he will never have to repay you any money. he gets teh mortgage interest, you get nothing.

separate the accounts immediately, and the money you would have had to spend on his kids, separate into a savings account to build for your move out. you cannot fix the past monetary loss, but you can fix the future.

and do not worry about hurting feelings. HE has been greatly benefiting from the situation for years it seems. what have you gotten out of it? think for yourself here...so far you bailed him out of a ton of debt, you pay half his mortgage (he gets interest and equity) you pay for his kids...

umm....he is LOVING this deal.

I agree with folkmom. FW and I had a joint account for everything, we separated and I got screwed. Now we have separate accounts and it pisses her off but I don't want to get screwed again. We worked out a way to pay our bills that worked for both of us, ie I pay the phone bill (because her line is only $10 extra and we never go over minutes and have unlimited text) she pays the electric because her kids leave every light in the house on.. we split the rent and she pays $50 more since her kids are there part of the time and if I were single or she didn't have kids we wouldn't need a 3 bedroom house. You get the point lol.

We keep separate accounts. Only mortgage joint account which i'm in full control of because the bank made it clear , that although his name is on it, unless i sign for something , he wont get anything out of that account. I make sure the mortgage is paid and any money left goes to the house. Not his own personal expense. We split everything in half. I do not pay for gas used to go pick up his kids. His responsibility. I will not pay for his booze or cigs..his habit to keep , not mine.
I plan on keeping it separate and we like it that way. I'm very good with my money and he is not.
We split all the bills in our household and anything that has to do with his kids, is he responsibility. I will have no part of it. Unless i choose to.
I suggest you stop paying for any house repairs, any braces for his kids...ANything to do with his kids, HE SHOULD PAY NOT YOU! Are you serious? You paid for braces, ballet and scouts...no way.
I think you should stop paying now. And deduct what he owes you from your rent.
Sorry , girl, he's taken you for a ride.
You obviously are a very good caring person and loves her dh and wants to love his kids.
I suggest you set aside cash for yourself and only combine what is needed to cover expenses. Does't include house repairs or money for his kids..sorry.

Completely seperate in this marriage on account of C/S and one insane BM...

Keep it away from the hands of the courts and a peed off ex-wife.

Good Luck, (It's odd for me too.)

We have seperate checking accounts.

I pay all the bills since the house and bills were all mine to begin with and in my name. BF pays his own CS and bills.

It works for us b/c:
1. BM is too lazy to take her kids to extra activities so there is none of those.
2. BF is a decent guy, knows that I'm covering our butts so he pays for our stuff or if I run short between pays.

It only works if the ppl in the r-ship try and make it work.

We maintained our separate accounts when I first moved in but shared the costs of food. I paid the water and electric as his mortgage took up 60% of his income! We decided to go the joint account route once we got engaged a little more than a year ago. I still have my separate account but that's just for the rent I receive because my tenant also has an account at the same institution and pays his rent via member to member transfers online. Child support I receive for DD11 is in a separate account with a check card set up by the state. The rest of my income etc. is deposited into the joint account so my money and his money pay all of our bills, regardless of whose bill it is, and yes, begrudgingly, that includes the stinkin' alimony which isn't really a alot. It's just annoying to see every month (we set up a standing order at our bank so no check writing because she wouldn't cash the damn checks for weeks!)

We have one joint for mortgage, one joint for expenses and rest is separate...(what we do it we both put the same amount a month for expenses, and then when we run out, well, too bad...but that has not happened yet in 2.5 years...) it works out well for us that way...

Do you live in a state that recognizes Common Law Marriage? I wouldn't pay rent...pay other things but don't deem it as rent. If you do live where Common Law marriage is recognized, check with an attorney to give you some piece of mind.

My BF says he doesn't want to get married which is a relief to me because even though I really love him, I don't know if I can put up with the hurt and disappointment that always being second and pushed to the side puts upon me. We live together and do share a checking account. It is his house and it is paid for. The only thing that we both pay on is my car....but the ol jojo aint too dumb...LOL The car is in my SD name so if it doesn't work out...I can just walk away.

Just giving you more advice I have gotten from everyone on here...

They aren't your kids - you should not be expected to pay or even help with braces, dance class, etc. That is for him to do...and the BM if she still exists.

Get separate accounts...just take over some bills and maybe groceries since you live there and go buy yourself some new heels - a dress - and have a girls night out! Somehow we get sucked in to thinking we should help out with stepkids...no - we shouldn't with activities - these BD's need to do that and work it out with BM - if BM is getting loads or child support then well...she can put the money towards that...and he can back off a little with all of those bills.

I also feel guilty if I have to buy a new outfit or treat myself to lunch out...all the while almost everytime we go to the store my BF spends at least $40-100 on his daughter. She gets candy and slushies everytime he goes to the gas station...He takes her to the store before and after school (or Mcdonalds sometimes). I know this weekend he spent well over $150 on her and it was all lots of little BS stuff and spent $30 just on food for her at the hockey game. It is crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I have been married for five years and we still keep separate accounts. He pays the rent and I pay the utilities and groceries. When we go out we take turns paying. I don't EVER want to feel like I have to answer to him as to how I spend my extra money, and vice versa. As long as the bills are paid and he doesn't put himself into debt, I don't care what he does with his money. When I was married to my first husband I had to ask *permission* to buy something for myself. Never again will I put myself in that position.