My wife and I are at odds over her son as he wanders back for being out on his own
I was raised in a working class family that was not really the "Brady type",but the belief structure if you work hard, save your money, and be a good person of strong moral fiber, you will do well in life. My wife has two boy , the youngest (16 nearly 17) does rather well in school and is a good kid, but when it come to her oldest son (18 nearly 19) year old, "drug addicted" dropout, she is really looking the other direction. When he is not stoned out of his mind he is actually a pretty good kid, but he does not have any drive to pull his head from his tuckus. I can not talk to him, because he runs to his mother for protection from the "lecturing" stepfather. He was asked to leave because he was smoking in the house and our house became the local "stoner" hangout during the day while my wife and I worked. His few months out was a little hard on him as he was thrown out twice, the last time was by his roommate mother when she came by and decide that he needs to go. When he moved back, my wife mentioned that he needs to keep a job, work on getting his GED, and try to get into some kind of trade school. So far nothing, he always has an excuse and he tugs on his mother heartstrings constantly. For a few years I have seen this action and I can not point it out to my wife. Our marriage is suffering, right now, I do not want even to come back home sometimes, (this action is not the best, and I know it) I love my wife, but right now I am emotionally numb. It is a mixture of the stress of the oldest stepson, and my conflicts with my wife about him. I do not drink or smoke at all, but I am now starting to understand way some people do drink and smoke, to escape these issues.
Oh that is a tough
Oh that is a tough situation. I know this type person like the SS very well, trust me. I think he is scared and feels unequipped to cope with life without being high, as sad as that is. I think he needs someone to draw the line and say, you will not do that sh*t in my house - if you do, you will have to leave. I personally find that the single most annoying habit and hate to talk to stoners, even though I understand it very well. He will be lucky if he doesn't get arrested while he is stoning his way through which could ruin everything for him, remind him of this.
I would also encourage him, with or without his mom present, to get his GED then join the military if he is not sure what he wants to do. That is what I intend to do with SD, if she shows signs of drifting like this. Their living expenses are paid, so they can also bank their earnings, school assistance when they get out, and see the world, supervised. One day they will possibly thank you for caring enough to say something. Also he needs a fairly generous timeline spelled out of how long he has to get it together, or he will have to go. The mom is hurting her son here, not helping.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)I can very well relate to
I can very well relate to this, I am in the same situatuation, the 19 yr old states he does not need a license or a job because money is over rated. Imagine, over rated, well, he does not seem to think his fathers money is over rated. This weeks dilemma is we got the internet service hooked up and we set up our accounts and when he put his icon in he put a pic of his mother and father and him when he was a baby so every time i turned on the computer there they all were. Just what I want to get up in the morning and have my coffee over, his ex wife that tortured me for two yrs and stalked my fiance for ten yrs. What the hell is wrong with these brats, this one is really ungrateful, selfish and thinks his father is obligated to take care of him and support him forever i guess. He has been gone since yesterday, hopefully he never comes back.
FYI all branches of the
FYI all branches of the military take very few people without a G.E.D.
Yea thats the only problem
Yea thats the only problem with the military idea. Military can really change people, I have been really surprised multiple times (I work with Cadets).
I would suggest step by step instructions on how to complete the goals you have set for him.
ex:
Get a job
1. Write resume
2. Write cover letter
3. Hand out resumes daily untill interveiw
4. Be prepared for interveiw
5. Keep trying if you don't get the first job.
Small steps may be easier for him. My little brother (21) is quite like this guy. He has done wonders now that my dad has broken things itno baby steps for him.
My YSD has absolutely no
My YSD has absolutely no ambition other than to be a stay-at-home mom living off Food Stamps and WIC. She could care less about getting her driver's license, GED, finding employment to better her life and provide for her son who's almost 1.5 years old. Her husband barely graduated high school and couldn't qualify with his math scores to get into the military. Talk about sponges. I've only been married to my spouse 2.5 years and I'm already drained due to this grown woman and the antics of the others. Some days I don't feel like being married and having to deal with it as my husband has an AVOIDANT personality. Until the Mrs. is willing to confront her child and make some decisions where she'll stick to her guns and not back down, nothing will change. Talking to my DH is like talking to a brick wall when it concerns his children. He'd rather do all he can to help them out than say "no" because of the way his exes talked bad about him to the kids where they view him as a loser or only good for what they can get. One of DH's and my mutual friends is now living in an apartment away from his wife because of stepchildren issues. He finally got fed up with her enabling the children and that was his only solution. I hope your marriage doesn't come to that His is not an ideal situation as even living apart he still gets the flack from his wife and is a husband of convenience, not a real partner.
Me (41). DH (turns 54 late November). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the wonderful advice, I grew up a base brat and I actually regret not joining the military. I would have seen the world, or at least three to four parts of it, and had a fair amount of my college paid for. It did do lot of good for a few of my high school friends, and now some of them are getting ready to retire after a twenty year hitch. I am trying to stay out of the way of this situation, after last nights little blow up. I am going to try to say as little as possible, because I usually end up speaking my mind. I heard about the little list of task he gave his mother of what he was going to do today (look for a job at certain electronic retailers..I am sure they drug test too), and guess it did not pan out for him today. I was greeted by the cold shoulder of my wife,(the don't talk to me action), so I guess she is not happy either. I wish I had my friend's house setup with a two bedroom apartment over his six car garage, but I am going to have to wait until his son finishes college.
I really can relate to you
I really can relate to you and everyone that has posted. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and have lived together for 4 years. My ss's were removed from their mother shortly after my husband and I moved in. The oldest ss is 21 recently dropped out of college and thankfully is enlisted in the Marines. The youngest ss17 has been smoking pot and creating all kinds of problems for 3 years now. He is in his 3rd high school (senior year), with any luck at all will graduate. The kid argues with me about everything and when I say no, he will go to his father who says yes. I have told my husband that I am sick and tire of the disrespect, the lying from ss and the lack of backing from my husband. The ss even smokes pot in our house.
I really love my husband but everyday this continues I think about leaving. I really wish my husband would sit ss down and explain the big picture to him. I really hate the fact that my husband thinks I am cluesless to raising kids! My bio son is 25 and a great kid.
I wish you the best, because their is no easy answer.