New to step parenting and need some advice
Hi I am new to being a stepparent. I have been with my fiance for about a year and a half. She has 3 children, 2 -9 year old twins one boy and one girl and a 12 year old boy. I have recently moved all of them into my house and have fully taken on the responsibility if being a parent with open arms. The only real problem I am having is at bed time. All of the children want to sleep with mommy. I understand that this is most likely because that is what they used to do but I just feel like they are too old and it is inappropriate at this age. She disagrees with me and loves to snuggle with the kids. I have suggested that we do a family tv night like once a week where they can all pile into our bed for an hour before bed time and we watch tv as a family but then they all go to their own rooms. She says she agrees but then when the younger son comes back 5 minutes after being sent to bed she wants to let him sleep with us. I guess I just feel like I share her all day, actually i give up all of my time with her for her to be with the kids and when we finally do get to bed that it should be my time to snuggle and talk and have adult time with her. When I try to express this she tells me I am being selfish and that her kids are still dealing with a divorce and if they need to sleep with her then thats what she is going to do. I am not sure how to handle this. Do I stand my ground and fight for my time or am I really being selfish? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Stand your ground! If you
Stand your ground! If you don't get adult time, then what's the point of the relationship?
I hate to say it, and obviously I'm judging on one small snapshot, but an alarm is going off in my head - she's using him! You have moved them into your house, taken on responsibility, yet presumably aren't getting any!
There has to be give & take in a relationship, and please don't let her use the 'kids come first' excuse - if they're living in YOUR house, then what will happen to the kids if the relationship goes down the pan?
"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"
Sounds like she's feeling
Sounds like she's feeling guilty about the kids dealing with the divorce. I did this with my children when I first got divorced. I didn't really have structure or rules and felt too bad about getting onto the kids. Their Father doesn't have anything to do with them, so I felt like I had to give them atleast one parent that they could love, and I thought they would hate me too if I got onto them and gave them structure. Everytime they would cry because I would try to make them do something it broke my heart. It was MY guilt, it wasn't going to destroy them to follow rules. I didn't realize I was holding them back while I was giving into my guilt to feel better.
I was creating monsters, and it was hard to break once I realized what I was doing.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”