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Well for me I wouldn't go to practices. FH and BM can work their schedules around that.
I go to SK's events. Talent shows, cheerleading stuff, etc. As long as it isn't something that isn't too complicated to get time to go too, I do it.
Skids have never personally invited me and I don't really expect them too. But I know they appreciate the extra support. But I also go because I know my FH wants me to be there. Plus he always tries to make it for BS' activities.

I used to go to my stepson's baseball games regularly with FH because I wanted to go and FH wanted me to as well. BM NEVER used to go, that is, until we started dating and she got all insecure. Before she turned into a ripe beyotch about it, it was awkward sitting there, with FH between the two of us. She would talk and talk and talk about when SS was a baby (see, she basically abandoned SS after the divorce, barely made any effort to see him regularly etc). She'd also talk about things obviously from their past as a married couple and intact family. I think she was doing it to psych me out. FH hated it. I hated it. After she ramped up her bitchiness, she stopped going for a while. Even told FH that she didn't want me there if she was going to be there. Yeah, whatever bitch. I STILL went because I really enjoyed watching and at the time SS wasn't weird around me. He liked me coming to watch. When she showed up for an important game, LATE mind you (and she lived what, less than 10 minutes from the game?), she sat elsewhere which was fine. The few games that I missed because I couldn't, and she would be there, yes, it made me uncomfortable that they were there together. I wasn't insecure in my relationship but I didn't really like it and neither did FH, having to listen to her recount the story of SS's birth and how hard it was, blah blah blah.

Now, SS does a different extra curricular activity that is far more time consuming. I used to go for the first year because it was a new thing and some of the events were held out of of town, so we made it a family trip. I don't do that anymore because SS wasn't trying and it was disappointing to both me and FH to see him purposely give up from the get go. He's much better now and totally into it mentally AND actually applies himself 200% with excellent results. I still don't go though because it's usually an all day thing and I have other things I'd rather do. Plus, my own daughter has a pretty demanding schedule with her extra curricular. Honestly, I kinda like it when both kids are at their sports. It gives some much needed quiet time in the house or the freedom to run errands etc.

Anything my DH goes to, I go to, unless I have a previous commitment for work or something. He (we) does not sit with BM, even if I am not there.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

My SS8 is involved in football, basketball, soccer, & baseball and SS5 will start this fall with sports.

As far as sk's "extra activities are you involved with your dh?
Yes I am and I am b/c one I want to be, two DH has involved me and three skids have asked.

Do you go with him to everything together?
Almost everyday, there are games or things I miss due to work or other things but 90% of the things I am there for.

Is the bm there?
Yup, almost always.

Where do you sit?
DH & I sit together and BM sits with her b/f or by herself. We dont sit together

Are you actually ASKED to go? Either by the sk or bm? Yes my DH or the kids will ask. BM would never ask me to go. We dont speak to each other at all.

What is nobody even mentions your name in regards to invites/ activities, would you still go?
That doesnt happen. If I dont go, skids will ask where I am.

Would you go if your sk never asked you?
I did at first b/c I dont think they should ask, if you just go, it shows them you are interested and support them.

How do you feel (really) about your dh and the bm being "alone" together at activities?
Honestly, at first, I HATED it b/c BM still wanted DH for the first 2 yrs of our relationship. I always felt like she was going to through herself at him. But I also trusted DH and I trusted he'd never do that to me. Now, I could care less b/c I fully trust him and know how much he dispises her!

Do you two get strange looks if you show up together and the ex is already there, running her mouth? How do you handle that?
At first, OMG yes. Her and her friends would sit there and glare and spend the whole game talking trash about us. Funny part is all her "friends" are now friends with me and talk to me b/c they saw BM's true side. I always took the high road. As hard as it was, I never showed that it bothered me and I never reacted to it. I told myself I'm here to support SS8 and always focused on the game. DH always helped by holding my hand or give me a peck on the cheek, something to say hang in there. Now its okay. We dont speak but its not the tension it once was. She stays in her area and we stay in ours.

Is it imperative to revolve your entire schedule around a sk? If not, how do you handle timings?
NOPE! I have a life and since I dont have children, my life doesnt revolve around practices, school and them. I do make time for them and their activities b/c its important to me. But if I miss something b/c I have something else planned, I dont sweat it.

Where does a SM/ SD truly stand in these situations?
I think every situation is different. You should want to go and support your skids and also show your presence. I think DH should want his new wife, g/f whatever your title is there. Even if the skids dont invite you, you should go so they can see your effort and interest. I guess its never been a big deal for us b/c my DH and skids always wanted me there. It was hard on BM and she hated it but at the end of the day it wasnt about her, it was about their son!

We have the skids every other week, total 50/50. I have my two bio's all of the time. My DH does 90% of the taxi service for all four of the kids. His job allows for it (he is a salesman and home offices) while I work a 8-6 or 7 pm in the office.

I attend all the kids activities taht I possibly can - both bio and skids. Anything on the weekend we attend together and 75% of weekday things we attend together.

We do not sit with BM. She does not like me. She refuses to speak to me. If I ask her a question pertaining to the skids (ie medications, school, etc) she literally jsut glares at me and does not answer. It is quite odd. Makes everyone uncomfortable - especially her own children.

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Not that my SDs have many activities to attend, but when/if they do, I attend them all unless perfectson also has an event at the same time and then of course I attend his. BM is not real great at attending SDs activities so DH and I make the extra effort to be there for them, even though they attend school just over an hour from us. There have even been times where I attended their activities by myself because DH was oncall and couldn't be there.

Once upon a time I would have sat with BM as we got along quite well until SDs said they wanted to live with us and then she went off her rocker and started PASing them like crazy.

I don't really care what BM thinks or anyone else for that matter, I am at these activities because it's important for kids to have people there to cheer them on and give them support. I know how awful perfectson has felt when I couldn't be at his games and he has noone in the stands cheering for him. I don't want them to ever feel like that either.

What is nobody even mentions your name in regards to invites/ activities, would you still go?

It's always assumed that if hubby is going, I am going. No need to mention me. Besides, most of her activities are involving me anyway. I pay for her piano lessons and I am her coach for Poms. School activities, if DH goes, I go.

Would you go if your sk never asked you? N/A, it's assumed I go. My SD loves me tho.

How do you feel (really) about your dh and the bm being "alone" together at activities?

There are never alone together, my husband and I go as a unit. At first, he went alone. But after we got super serious, we became a unit at these things, and it has been this way for years now.

Do you two get strange looks if you show up together and the ex is already there, running her mouth? How do you handle that?

Nope, she knows the deal, and so does everyone else.

Is it imperative to revolve your entire schedule around a sk? If not, how do you handle timings?

When it comes to things like this, I have no problem helping DH out. He makes SD his responsibility, but sometimes he needs me to pitch in and help, and I do as long as he is respectful of me and my time. I try not to treat SD like she is a bother or inconvenience to me. I think that's why we have a pretty good relationship.

Where does a SM/ SD truly stand in these situations?

It depends on the situation with your stepkids. In my SD's life, she has 2 moms and 2 dads (well, DID have 2 dads). We don't all operate as one big happy, but she definitely, and WE definitely know as well, that she has four parents, whether anyone likes it or not.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

we liked when BF's whole family was invited to BMs house for first communion...after the fiance had just moved in...you know...the one she had the affair with in the huge house that BF and her had just bought? yeah...umm..she could not understand at all why BF and his family would not want to be entertained by her and her fiance.

in retrospect, it might have been funny...since it turned out her own aunt had no clue the fiance was a fiance or living in the house...she thought he was dating someone else!!

My BM is pretty narcissitic. She is as thin as a rail...anorexia really (sufferred as a child) and in her head she is way prettier than me because she is thin. In reality she is almost 40, looks like she is closer to 50. So what if I have hips and an ass? SHe thinks those are "major flaws". LOL. SO she always tries to swign and sway and be "beautiful" then she gets a kick in the pants because um...I have a great job, know a ton of people in the community and everyone talks to me. Guess the hips are not much of a factor huh? LOL.