I have the SAME problem with SD8.. I feel like a stranger in my own home when she is here.. I feel like a second class citizen, and I am ashamed to admit but I hate her.. She is just a constant problem, lies, hurting my infant son intentionally, making messes ( read my past blogs), and being sneaky and manipulative, add that to the crying for her lesbo mom all the time and she is ruining our family. I lost it a few weeks ago on DH because he will withhold affection from me and our son becasue he doesnt want to hurt SD feelings by being affectionate with others in front of her.. WTF her mom is a lesbian, I would think he would want the child to see a "normal" relationship and how it is OK for a MAN and Woman to be affectionate, yet he is cold and distant, but SD BM is all over her GF in front of SD, so I guess he prefers his child to be gay than to know its OK to have a normal family and relationship...IDK. DH and I have had more than one fight over her and the last one resulted in me telling him he gets SD counseling or I am leaving.. Its aweful to feel like a prisoner in your own home.. I too take my boys ages 11, 6, and 9 months and leave the house just to get away from her.. However they do not like her, unlike your sons likeing his sons, my boys despise the SD because of the things she has done, especially the stealing from them and hurting their baby brother.. Its aweful.. YOu have my sympathy cause I am right there with you..

I know how you feel kpnuts. I've come to realize I'm not ever going to warm up to my husbands children. I know that makes me sound terrible but it's the truth. The only thing that makes me feel reasonably better is that other people don't care to be around them either. I would love to say that I feel sorry for them, but to be honest, I just resent having them around because it's so uncomfortable. I wish more than anything I could feel any warmth for them at all, but I think my SD may be a sociopath and my SS is such a social misfit that I can't even have a conversation with him.

My children intensely dislike them as well which complicates things. So many people told me not to marry my DH because of his crazy ex-wife and his kids but I thought it would be okay. I love my husband but am really starting to resent him for having the kids in our lives. Yep, I'm going to hell for sure but I'm just being brutally honest in private.

I too having started hiding out in my office or my room when they're here, or I just leave all together. I wish I had an answer for you because I'm looking for it myself but no such luck.

Me too! Can there really be that many budding sociopaths in the world-or is it a product of the broken family? My ss has threatened to kill my son, stolen my panties and bras numerous times and took them to school, lied, stole from me and and my kids, screamed at me a million times and now he completely acts as if I dont exist and likes to be stuck up my dh's butt when he's here. Sigh. He's on his way here now-I have plans out of the house tomorrow-thank goodness. I too like to hang out in my room or my basement; however, I then feel like I am subjecting my kids to him.

I really relate to this post.

My SS10 ignores me. I am starting to hate it when he comes over. I blame BM because he used to be chatty and friendly. BM hates me and makes sure SS10 knows that getting on with me is being disloyal to her. Last time BM and I were both in the same room together SS ran away. I have never said a bad word about his Mum.

On top of that I know that their mother doesn't want me anywhere near her children. I know it's silly but it's like now they have become kind of dangerous goods. It puts a real barrier in the relationship I was building with them. I am ashamed about not liking the one that avoids me. She made him choose....he chose her (of course) so now we are a bit stuffed really.

I read somewhere else on this site that we can love our DH and we can love that they love their children but we may never love someone else's children and that it's ok.

But - my home is my safe haven. I don't want it to be divided and strained.

I have been starting to avoid the whole thing too and I tend to just stay in my room.

It's a horrible place to be.

I resent ss16 living with us. She decided to stay longer than the agreed 9 months. I could understand her predicament that she needed to graduate, as unlike the UK she would get no qualifications leaving school at 16 in Canada. However, it appears she could now finish school (and go to live with her BM in Italy) earlier if she pushed herself a little - but no! She wants to spread out the work and take it easy.

We are all stuck with this situation and the atmosphere is sometimes just unbearable.

DH and I have discussed divorse on several occasions. However, we both burnt too many bridges when we moved here so we would be losing too much to do that just yet.

Really (besides a miracle) we only have 3 choices - Carry on in the hell we are in; get out; or change our attitudes.

I have tried the latter on a number of occasions and failed miserably. Although - just at the moment - things are good between SD16 and I (a number of factors have fallen together bringing that one about). I'm not holding my breath though - things will probably slip again.

There have been many incidents and things said that have created a rift between us. However, slowly and surely, maybe???? we may build some memories of times where good things have happened between us.

If I choose the stay in the hell we are in, maybe over time my attitude (and hers) could change and we could end up with something bearable?

I'm trying to keep my integrity (and not do or say anything mean or hurtful, or withold any favours I would normally do for anyone else) during these difficult times - not an easy thing to do when I feel so bitter. I'm just trying not to give her any real ammunition for calling me a bitch.

In some ways, the struggle we are having between us may be doing her a lot of good. She's learning that she won't be getting her own way by being moody.

My last major row about it with DH involved him saying I should show her more love and have fun with her - and me saying that she'd shown no gratitude for what I'd given her already so I just couldn't find it within myself to give any more. I just felt like a door mat.

DH is very good (although, in my opinion, sometimes wrong) and when he was confronting her later told her that, whilst he was often too soft with her, that I wouldn't 'kiss her ass', and it was to that fact she was reacting unreasonably.

I don't think there are any answers to this dilema - I really wish there were. Maybe, however, hanging in there may have a positive ending?

This site is definitely helping me with it all.

You have my sympathy - it's hell.