Disengaging...HOW???? Help me!
Forums:
OK I know what the word is and have tried it, I think BUT what I want to know is for those of you who do this are you able to because you have a husband who actually steps up to the plate and does the discipling or do you have one who turns the blind eye.
Mine COMPLETELY looks the other direction and likes to point blame at me for THEIR BEHAVIORS! I am about to blog about this incident that JUST Transpired about 1 hour ago...I am still recouping mentally from my bashing (tag team) even though I have it on recording!
So PLEASE STEP-PARENTS I am STUCK in this home for a while longer...how do you do it????? I NEED HELP!
YES, that is my husband to a
YES, that is my husband to a TEE, makes a consequence and then backs down because he knows they will rip his balls off and he won't earn that "good parent badge"...I explained to him that you do NOT get that badge until the kids are out of the house, gone to college, have a healthy marriage and happy kids who who are mentally all there!
I am fine, I was just so angry that I have ALLOWED myself to do this again....I am more pissed off at myself and just need to vent because I DO NOT let anyone outside of this board and the counselor know how things are....wouldn't want them to know I made the SAME mistake AGAIN!
Good luck with yours, know you are NOT alone in this
"Disengaging...HOW????"......
"Disengaging...HOW????".........
I'll tell you how the hell I am doing it lately....
A: Go completely numb.
B: Do like myself and sit and imagine the whole f-ing world is being blown up around you and you are oblivious.(serious)
C: Stop giving a damn.
D: Think to yourself, "Who the F are these people to ruin MY life?" (serious)
E: When the see you disengaging, it will cause a "spark." Don't feed the questions/ motives as to why all of a sudden you are not saying shit to anyone.
F: Get the fuck out and do something for YOU.
I am ONLY being honest here...
Good Luck,
Hello Married: A. When you
Hello Married:
A. When you go numb do you notice that takes away feelings towards your husband---though I have to say that I am not so interested in that area anymore either and am getting to the point I could give a shit less, I am taking on the attitude of PROVE TO ME HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU LAZY FUCK!
B. Trying to this now....it is SOOOOO hard when I have two other children that ARE mine who need me in several ways
C. Yep, I think I am amost there BUT part of me I guess KNOWS that even when disengaged it will somehow STILL BE MY FAULT because afterall "if I didn't ignore them and treated them like my own they wouldn't do these things"....YEP, I can already hear it! I know, I certainly did not give birth to them so technically have tried to mother BUT I just became the scapegoat...NO MORE
D. YES YES and YES, I am there....unfortunately the hardest part for me is I sit and wonder "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME, WHY WHY WHY DID I PUT MYSELF HERE AGAIN"....I HAD a GREAT LIFE that I made for myself and MY children and I did it ALONE!
E. So what do I do when this happens? How do you answer it or how do you show you just do not give a shit anymore and HOW do I make certain that I am still respected by the kids because I have and do MAKE them do that....even though he was their pussy I was NOT and made that clear from the get go...NOR do I want MY kids to start treating me that way because they do it...see what I mean, it gets so complicated!
F> This is another reason why I cannot wait to MOVE, I want a JOB again...I love having my own money BUT MOST OF ALL, I NEED to be able to socialize with people and make new friends, I am SOOO isolated here...trust me, this area is HORRIBLE!
You have ZERO reason to keep
You have ZERO reason to keep on feeling "guilty" over keeping your emotions subdued.
WHY should YOU when nobody else does?
This seems to be the honest way of "disengaging."
It may affect my "temporary" feelings towards dh, but once all has quieted down, I so far seem to be able to warm back up again.
My home is trauma- drama central right now thanks to a psycho bm and ss5's "passing". I am 3 months pregnant and it is either taking everything "in" or saving an unborn babies life. I can't find an in between right now so this is kind of working for me. (although look at me banging it out on steptalk.) That says a lot.
It seems better for me to go numb that have a nervous breakdown using whatever visual needed to do so at the time? ( hope this makes sense.)
Exactly about the guilt
Exactly about the guilt feelings, on a side note, I did inform my husband that I have never lied to him during any of our time together BUT he has always either lied to me or "just not given the full story"--you know, somehow, to him, hiding things is not lying.
Out of my own spite that is really coming on strong for me, I told him that I will begin the lies so that he can get a dose of life with him...explained that he should remember how living with a liar in a relationship should feel because when the kids were babies his 1st wife had an affair (SEVERAL), lied and then finally up and left-leaving he and the kids behind...NOW I can see hwy, he is about as lazy as they come when it comes to doing anything for someone besides himself
Let the lies begin....
I tried searching for older posts to get info re: the "passing" but for some reason the page came back blank...do you mean literally?
A baby, do you worry about bringing a baby into the situation and what was husband's reaction to it?
I think you posting to the board is GREAT because I kindof use it as therapy...that way it seems that I am not snapping at anyone that looks at me...it lets me release all of my feelings without having to carry it around. I am so glad I found this place.
Trust me here too, never in
Trust me here too, never in a million years did I ever think someone like myself would become "2nd" to any creature like the bm and ss5.
I have roared literally lately to demand the respect "I" deserve, as do you...
I'm in FL. right now but not in my normal stomping grounds...it sucks to be somewhere with no action/ friends...
Yes, my husband is just used
Yes, my husband is just used to HOW IT USED TO BE when I was a stay at home mom (I am right now but ONLY TEMPORARY) and he is used to me having no desire to socialize as I tried to make us a family...IN THE PAST
Once I got out again and made my own life, before I moved over here with him, I FOUND MYSELF...I LOVED working and looked forward to going everyday. I LOVED my co-workers and still keep in contact with them at least 3x a week...one is planning to visit me in San Diego when we move.
He has YET to witness me when I am out of the home daily with MY OWN LIFE and he is taking advantage of the fact that he knows I am isolated right now! Watch out asshole because once I get my life back, the full BITCH will be in effect! RESPECT ME OR WATCH THE MEN WHO WILL, MAYBE KNOCK YOUR EGO BACK INTO PLACE!
His life is about to change drastically as he floats in his fantasy of world of "he is my everything"....yeah well, maybe the first round and maybe even the 1st few months of this time around but that is dwindling and very fast....he has nothing to offer me and is more of a drag than anything right now. He puts nothing towards us so why the hell am I stressing....at least I am trying to get that mantra flowing in my head! I have tried everything I can do.
Even with sex....used to be great and unbelieveable..that was the main thing I did remember, we were so bonded and it was very spiritual, now , it is so sporatic I feel nothing, no desire, he killed that...and no there is not another woman,that I do know.