I have a step-son (16) and a step-daughter (13) who have grown to hate me over the 8 years I've been with their father. When I met their father, he had them full-time, as their mother had left all 3 of them several years before. His son, 7-8 at the time, was full of anger and was bery difficult to deal with. His daughter, 5 at the time, was loving and doting and enjoyed having another female to do things with. 6 years ago, the BM came back into the picture. She was irritated to find that I was in the picture. About a year later while spending time with the kids, she told them and my DH that she had terminal stage 4 Hodkins and had 8 months to live. Of course, the 3 of them were stunned and very upset. She showed my DH a letter from Child Support Services saying that if she did not get her child support paid up she'd go to jail. My DH, being the loving father he is, accompanied her to CSS and closed the file to keep her out of jail because he didn't want her to die in jail and his kids not get to have a relationship with her. He accompanied her to the school and got them registered to attend in her district, and they agreed that the kids would stay with her as much as they wanted to for the short time she had left.

Well, here we are 5 years later, paying $860 a month in child support for 2 children he now has only supervised visitation with. In 5 years, we have been to court 7 times trying to enforce visitation. In court she denies ever claiming to have been terminally ill and tells the kids she told the lawyers that because her health is none of their business. She's told the kids she's in remission and that they should be thankful for every minute they get to spend with her. My SD is terrified to leave her mother's arm. I don't know if it's the fear of death, or because BM left and stayed gone for years when SD was so young. It could be a combination of both. BM has convinced SS that his dad is mentally abusive toward him because he disciplines him and makes him be respectful when he's in our home. Every time we go to court they bring things up that have happened during visitation...arguments...and embellish them to make him out to be a mean bad father. His son took him to court this last time. BM has been trynig to force him into taking an anger management course, so the son told the judge that's what he wanted to have done. The judge finally ordered it along with supervised visitation. DH has completed the course and has decided he's not going back to have the visitation redone, or for anything else. He's had enough. The thing is, court has given my SS this upper-hand over his dad now, and he has this attitude that now he is in charge and he calls the shots. He doesn't see it now, but it's completely ruining everything good he ever had with his dad and it's slowly ruining every chance he could have at a relationship with him in the future.

I don't understand...if their dad was such a monster, why would she have left her children with him and not checked up on them in years??? SS was so angry with her when she was gone, and SD wanted nothing more than to have her dad on one arm and me on the other. I'm baffled and I'm worried. My SS has pretty well ruined the opportunity to have what could've been a really great relationship with his dad. My DH has been so hurt by him and doesn't trust him at all. My SD hasn't talked to her dad in close to 2 years...since the last court date. They seem to think BM is a hero of some kind...that she saved them. I love my step-kids. They spent years without a mom, by HER choice. I hate to see them spend all these years without their dad, really, I hate to see him have to live without them. I keep telling him that as they grow up and experience life themselves they'll come around, but I'm really beginning to wonder...

I know it's long. It's 8 years stuffed into 4 paragraphs. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.