When my husband and his ex were married, he worked while she finished her degree. Then, when they decided to have children, he worked more and she stayed home. After they split, instead of going back to work the first thing she did was try to get on government assistance. She got laughed out of there because she was receiving a decent amount from him. Then, she decided that she had to go back to school. Yes, she already has a bachelor's, but decided that she needed something that would give her an instant career. So, she started school. Five years later, she is on her second career choice -well, actually, she's back to the first career choice because the second one didn't work out (she got dropped from the program months before she was supposed to be finally done). All along, she's only worked the occasional part-time position, never giving the indication that she ever actually planned on dropping the student act and getting a real job. (I'm all for education, but my husband already helped her get one degree.)

One of the terms in their custody agreement is that in addition to his weekends, he has the kids (girl, 9 and boy, 8 ) for two overnight visits a week. The problem with that is those two days are always dictated by Ex's school schedule, which tends to be all over the place. So, every so many weeks, DH gets a call in which she informs him (doesn't ask to see if it's okay with our schedule, but INFORMS him, assuming that her schedule takes priority) of her new class schedule. After years of this, I am really fed up with having her dictate our schedule. She could have gotten a second degree by now. Or be close to finishing a master's. She now claims that she should be finished with school by the end of next year, but she said the same thing a year ago when she was going to school for something else. Plus, she's chosen a career that is seeing a lot of cutbacks and very few new hires (at least around here) lately. I'm afraid she's just going to keep up this I-need-to-keep-going-to-school act, and even if she is ever truly finished, she won't be able to find a job.

Tonight came another phone call, announcing the new schedule. I am so sick of this constant disruption of our lives. We can't plan anything too far in advance because we never know what her schedule will be like in a couple of months. No planning anything for us, no planning anything for the kids, no planning for nights without the kids. It's really frustrating. Especially since she approaches it (and, really, everything) as if it's just a given that she will get what she wants. No apologizing for screwing with our schedule constantly; no thanking us for being so flexible; no recognition of any niceness on our part; and no effort of any on her part. She believes she deserves to have everything her way, and sees no other way.

What's worse is that I actually let this cause fights between my husband and me. He's right, of course, that there's nothing we can actually do about her being a bitch, and there's no point in letting her upset us. But I'm just not as capable of that kind of "letting go." It just doesn't feel like we get a say in our own lives.

Ok, that's incredibly long (especially for a first post), so I'll stop. Thank you for letting me vent.

Wait. I do have a question. At what point is it reasonable to expect Ex to stop playing student and start acting like the adult with responsibilities that she is supposed to be? Or at least be more conscious of others? (When I was in school, I had to schedule my classes around my work; you'd think she could schedule them around her kids. I thought that divorced people at least had set custody schedules.)