I am frustrated with my SD
OK I have a SD who is 6 years old, she has been around me sense birth and she started staying the weekends at my home when she was 3, when her father and i got together. Then when she was 4 and a half she moved in full time. I don't know why but she bothers me, i don't even want to be around her and when i am around her i am b****y, everything she does bugs me, she is 6 but she acts like a 3 year old. For example, This morning i was getting her ready for school and i was brushing the braid out of her hair and putting it into a pony tail well she got upset because she wanted her hair to stay wavy from the braid but i had to brush it so i told her it needed to be brushed and she got an attitude with me so i told her to go to her room and she starts crying like a baby and saying "I don't want to, I don't want to" i had to tell he about 6 or 7 times before i had to pick her up off of the couch and take her to her room. then when i shut the door she starts kicking and banging on it. That is just one occasion, this happens on a daily basis and my poor Husband cant take it any more, neither can i, i want to get along with her, i really do but i just cant wait for the weekends when she gos to her moms, if she gos. Ayn suggestions would be very helpful, i want to be happy and i want my husband to be happy. I also have 2 of my own children, my daughter 2yrs and my son 5mos
I hate to say it but one out
I hate to say it but one out of every three 6 year olds act just like that. I help out in my ss6 kindergarten class so I am an expert in their fit throwing. All you can do is have consequences for her behavior. If she does something to be sent to her room and then she kicks the door give her another punishment for that. And be consistent both you and your husband have to be on the same page. My ss6 will do something to get him into trouble I send him to his room if he starts screaming and slamming the door I or my dh will go to his room and tell him he is grounded to his room for a certain amount of time for screaming and slamming the door. He hates to be grounded. When ss comes home from visitation at his bm house he is a brat, he does everything he is not supposed to. We hate sending him to her because we know we will have to reprogram him when he gets back. We have to remind him he is home and his behavior will not be tolerated. He usually gets himself grounded. At least he is as consistent as we are.
"We have to remind him he is
"We have to remind him he is home and his behavior will not be tolerated. He usually gets himself grounded. At least he is as consistent as we are."
LOL...good spin on it.
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Ah 6, the age of expression.
Ah 6, the age of expression.
Just remember who's the boss here. You and DH are to be reckeoned with.
My tip would be not to wait to tell her 6 or 7 times to go to her room. One time that's it. Pick her up and put her there if you need to. Kids are SMART and will use up all their chances.
Each bang/ kick on the door or attempts to steps out of her room that's another minute on the clock.
If you nip it now it won't get too out of hand. Kids don't know it but they do NEED boundries and NOT too many choices.
Make sure hubby is with you on this. You guys must be on the same page and remain consistant.
Good luck!
I agree too!!!
I agree too!!!
Some very interesting shrink
Some very interesting shrink diagnosed my seven year old with o.d.d. or oppositional defiant disorder. I diagnosed him with a lazy ass father who has poo for brains and doesn't give our child any kind of discipline or structure when he's over there and then when the child comes home I'm the prison warden.
boundary,structure,routine...these are absolutely necessary to maintain control. I am in total agreement with Stepchicka about too many choices being a bad thing. My son gets 2 choices and I put 2 minutes on the clock for him to make up his mind so I don't have to ask him again.
Example: he says "i don't want to eat this for dinner."
I say, "You can eat it OR you can go to your room with nothing. You have 2 minutes to choose."
2minutes later...he says, "fine I'll eat it." ----said in a sulking,mumbled tone but he still does it and that's the important part.
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi
I had my customary coffee
I had my customary coffee drink in hand when she told me my child was "ODD"...I was like ,"huh?! I mean I know he's a lil weirdo but ODD?" *giggle* I couldn't help myself it was too funny and almost dropped my coffee...
She also diagnosed him with anxiety disorder which I can see is likely true...but again...anxiety is caused by ChooChoo never knowing when dad is coming, what dad's going to do with him,who is going to be there with them,etc...
You can't have a highly intelligent child(Choochoo scores WAY above grade level on all counts when tested by shrink) and just expect him to go with the flow bc dad's a lackadaisical daydreaming moron. Children need the information about what is happening to them and when unpredictible things are constantly occuring that's what they being to depend on...Chaos. That turns into their "stable,solid routine" they know Chaos is their life so they behave in a chaotic undisciplined fashion. Calm is key in my mothering plan....*sigh* except for that time I just lost my cool completely and yelled at the poor kid over something ANY 7yr old would do. Every mommy has her bad moment I suppose.
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying about the child needing a routine and i provide that day in and day out but then she gos to her BM house and when she comes back it is time to reprogram as "use_s_b_sane" said and then by the time i almost get her back on track it is time for her to go to her BM again! im close to my breaking point here
I dread when Choochoo comes
I dread when Choochoo comes home from being with his father. The more time he spends with daddy the harder time I have with him at my house. It's a vicious cycle that likely won't end til he's in college. Wish there was a button i could push for "sane,organized sweet child" to come back when he returns home from loserdaddyville
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. ~Mahatma Gandhi
You think that is
You think that is bad...Oprah had a couple on her show whose young daughter was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I don't remember her exact age, maybe 10 at the most. But she had been in and out of mental hospitals, she has tried to kill herself many times, she hears voices talking to her. Her poor parents had to leave their house and rent 2 separate apartments next door to each other so they could raise both their daughter and young son (who is I think 2) separatly because the voices tell her to hurt her brother. It was a very heart wrenching story and I hope I never have to deal with that. The daughter was on some serious meds too, I believe they said she was already on the most powerful meds which means as she gets older it will stop working and then they will have to find a new way to manage it. I am just thankful my SS is only suffering from entitlement.
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I can't stand the whole
I can't stand the whole labeling thing for a differnt reason. My son IS seriously ADHD but everyone looks at me crazy because, oops, I just labled my kid with a bogus disorder.
My dad, my children's granddad, always gave me a hard time about it. This summer when the kids went to the grandparents I sent my son w/out his meds.
I was hearing an earful for the next two weeks from my dad, stepmother, everyone. They now have a new found respect for this disorder.
I agree that doctors are quick to label without looking into enviromental factors.
I am very strict, it is my
I am very strict, it is my DH that is the pushover, the other day my SD did not turn in her homework and when we asked her why she said with attitude "because i did not feel like it!" DH sent her to her room with no cartoons for a week, later that night she finished her homework and said in a sweet voice "Daddy can i watch cartoons?" and he caved. I had to take him in the other room (we don't talk about the kids in front of them) and tell him that that is the reason she wont listen to me because you just give in or override me, i am the parent too and i have a say in how my household is run.
Firm but fair will win the
Firm but fair will win the day here I think.
Ignore her completely when she starts acting bratish and make sure she realises screaming and kicking the door will get her absolutely nowhere. When she is being good, give her lots of love and reassurance. She is still young enough for you to get through to her and as you have her most of the week you are in a good position to be able to teach her what's right and wrong, even if her own mother's parenting skills are crap.
You have a lot on your hands though. And I know what you mean when you get to the stage where everything about them bugs you. But with plenty of love and a no nonsense approach it could work. I just wish my sd's had been a lot younger when me and their dad got together.