Amazing how you think you know someone and then it turns out you don't
After being with my husband 7 years we are divorcing(hes leaving me for anouther women). I have accepted his decision and have plans to move out this weekend but extremely depressed. My husband on the other hand is as happy as a clam with no regrets at all. His singing in the shower,laughing/joking on the phone and walking around with a smile on his face 24/7. He went out and bought new furniture and redecorating the whole place when the stuff we had was good. Now this is a man who would tell me through our WHOLE relationship how poor he was and would make me feel guilty about spending money on things I wanted to do. But now that he has a new GF he spends thousands to make our place look glamorous for her.
I also feel hes being cruel about the whole thing too. Hes in such a rush to get me out its unbelivable. I asked if I could take a couple more days after I moved out to get all my stuff organized and he just said "just throw it in boxes and organize at your place". I asked why the rush and he told me it will be awkward having me around. I told him I could come when he was at work and he said right to my face "I don't want you in here without me around". Well if that was not a slap in the face. To me that tells me he plans on moving his GF's shit right in and would not want me to see this and tell his family or do something to her stuff.
I decided to move as it
I decided to move as it would be to painful for me to stay..to many memories. I needed to get a fresh start but its painful that he has no intrest in keeping ANY sentimental items just the big expensive stuff. Through the years we took hundreds of photos of our trips/adventures and he wants nothing to do with any of them. The way he is acting you would think I was the one having the affair and not him.
I echo this. I had a
I echo this. I had a scrapbook that exFH had proposed to me through. I chucked it in a dumpster 7 months after we split and didn't look back. One day, you'll just decide you don't need it anymore.
To every thing there is a season.
sarah1971 Keep your head up!
sarah1971
Keep your head up! Screw him and pack up your stuff! The sooner you get outta there the better!
I hope his dick falls off!!
"And this too shall pass..."
I am SO sorry that you're
I am SO sorry that you're going through this. Maybe it's good that you're getting a new place of your own WITHOUT memories of him. I think the way he's behaving is DEPLORABLE and hurtful. Don't worry though, he will eventually reap what he has sowed.
What about your stepson? Does he know that you two are splitting? Again, I just don't have the words to bring you much comfort. All I can say is time... time and events will help you to heal.
I am sorry you are going
I am sorry you are going through this, it is not right. It is not fair but unfortunately is just IS...
Men can be so very selfish. Please take care of yourself. Remember this is HIS problem and you did not cause it. We all have choices in life and he made a very poor choice. Yes, his choice affects you but you did not cause it.
Am I correct in understanding that his family does not know the situation? I think a good long talk with his mother is in order!
Hugs...
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
I can't even imagine how you
I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. If my FH did this to me, I think I would go into complete shock. I don't know how I'd get past it, not necessarily the affair or other woman, I'm talking about someone turning into a complete stranger. That would make me re-think my whole life and my trust issues would be huge forever, I think.
Good luck to you and just remember "what goes around comes around". He will get what he deserves and you will ultimately be happier to be away from him.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
Yes my SS was told the other
Yes my SS was told the other day and is doing ok. My husbands family does know the whole story(thanks to me)and they all think how he is handling it is disgusting. BUT even through they don't aggree with what he is doing he is THIER family,they don't really want to get "involved" and in time this will blow over unfortunately. PLUS my husband is really downplaying his affair to his family. He told his family he was interested in someone but did not know if it was going to develop into anything and this had NOTHING to do with us getting a divorce. That total bullshit as he told me he was in love with her and thinks about her 24/7. Plus over the last 4 weeks he has spent every waking hour with her and when he can't(has SS)texts her non-stop. I do know my husband enough to know he would NEVER spend all the money he has on new furniture if he was not trying to make in nice for her. Also the rush to get me out is so he can move her(not permanently at 1st as he has to save face to his family/SS)I have told his family its much deeper than he is letting them know but in time it will all blow over in his favor.
My x did the same thing.
My x did the same thing. Now, 12 long years later he is stuck with the woman he cheated on me with(got her pg when we were still married) Haha I say! They have a daughter and she has complete control over their money. Even my cs check comes from her checking account! He is constantly calling me for a 'shoulder' to cry on and is oh so very sorry he left me and his daughter for this 'wonderful' woman! You go on and be the very best person you can be! Treat others with love, kindness and respect, but most important treat yourself with love, kindness and respect!! You have to go find your 'happy' and be true to you! Only then can your really share and love another for what they are and what they bring to your relationship! Better off without him I say! I know it's hard but God wouldn't have made us women if he didn't know we could handle tough s*it!
Did you start meeting
Did you start meeting attorneys yet?
If not... do it!
This guy is a 200lb boil on the ass of humanity. You just thank your lucky stars that he's now someone else's problem and that you have the freedom to make a better decision this time.
I'm so sorry he's still hurting you like this. I wish I could say something to help but I know nothing does. Infidelity cuts to the core... and when it's a dickhead like this who borders on PROUD of what a tramp he has been, it's even worse.
Hopefully you'll be able to heal quickly.
Surely the house is in both
Surely the house is in both your names - you may be the one moving out, but until you're divorced I would have thought you still have every right to enter your house. As Squillion says, get legal advice asap.
Big hugs to you, and I hope you feel better soon x
Unfortunately we rent and
Unfortunately we rent and the first thing he did was remove my name from the lease which at the time I did not have a problem with. Little did I know he was going to be such a ass and refuse to let me back in once I moved out.
Ah, I see. In which case
Ah, I see. In which case can you not take ALL the CDs, ALL the books, ALL the DVDs etc - then just say to him that you've not got the time to sort through them before you go, will do so once you're settled and then he can come to pick up his?
Sorry if flippant, passive-aggressive tactics are not what you're after!
LMAO you two!!! So funny
LMAO you two!!! So funny
Sarah, This is just about
Sarah,
This is just about the shittiest thing I have ever heard of. What this "man" (and I use this term loosely) is doing to you is vile and I can only hope and believe in the power of KARMA!
I will keep you in my prayers. Keep your held held high. Take your things and walk out with all the dignity you can muster and don't let this asshole see you cry.
You will be far better off alone than spending another day with the likes of someone who would do this to their SPOUSE.
Please let us know how you are!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
What a jerk - he will get
What a jerk - he will get what's coming to him though!! I am so sorry honey
Stay strong. HUGS
p.s. if he will not allow you to come back to divide, yes, take it ALL and let him worry about getting his share later - if he can LOL
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Sarah, I am so sorry for
Sarah, I am so sorry for what you are going through. Hugs to you. The only suggestion I can offer is this... do NOT think he will let you back in to get anything else once you move out. He will not let you back in and I don't think he has any legal right to since your name is no longer on the lease and you are leaving voluntarily.
If I were you? After what he's done? I would wait till he's at work, take the day off, hire a moving van, ask anyone you can to help you and empty the place! Be gone before he gets home. Take dishes, furniture, towels, EVERYTHING but his personal stuff! He said he was buying new stuff anyways right? He has been incredibly disrespectful to you, he deserves no grace in return.
While getting even isn't the most mature thing to do, it will help your recovery
Sarah this is bull
Sarah this is bull shit.
Legal advice ASAP!!!!
Regardless of your hurt heart and how depressing this is for you.
This is something you need to snap out of and put on the war paint!
You are still going through the divorce? Right?
Did anyone file yet?
Find out if during this stage of the divorce, if you are liable for any of this spending he is doing.
If you are? and if there is nothing the courts can do?
TAKE IT ALL BACK!!!
TAKE IT AWAY AND SELL IT! WHAT EVER YOU HAVE TO DO.
CLOSE ANY ACCOUNTS YOU HAVE TOGETHER.
Here is what happened to me.
Me and the ex wife went our separate ways.
She took half of the credit card debt, I took the other half.
$4000 a piece.
This was on a Fri.
Well over the weekend she did not get approved for the debt to be in her name only.
So The "JOINT" account we had together was still left open.
See the banks are not stupid.
They do not need to tell you, that your still existing joint account is still OPEN.
(even though you thought it was closed)
They don't say a thing.
(lets fast fwd a year later, when I find out I do have a joint account still open!)
Needless to say. The only way to take her name off of it, was to close that account.
Which means they close that account and put it on your own credit card.
So $13,000. dollars was added to my credit card.
They made me responsible for the whole thing.
The ex wife then promptly told me.
"What do you want me to do? Pay you a dollar a month? I can't afford to pay you anything.
So I have been working 2-3 jobs for the last 3 or 4 years trying to pay this thing off.
OK I am off my pity party...
LovingLife is right.
DO NOT TRUST THIS GUY WITH A PENNY!
TAKE ALL THAT NEED APPLY!
You may need to keep it all to sell it off in yard sales, to pay off what this dickhead is going to stick to you.
And that will still not be enough.
This was about a 12 year relationship that I had.
So you said it exactly.
You never really know somebody.
I would rather be a bit paranoid with this and settle the debts evenly later, than getting stuck with it all.
Getting over a divorce is hard enough.
Getting beat down with their debt on top of it is brutal.
Wow - is he crappy or what.
Wow - is he crappy or what. Getting over being seperated and divorced is really hard to do. He is being very insensitive about it because of his feelings for this new woman. But like a new car - it will get old the more miles he puts on it.
Right now - it seems "all that" because it is something that is new. I wouldn't worry about it....
What goes around comes around. Don't be surprised he he is not back at your door as soon as the newness of this new chic wears off.
I have been there and done that before. It does get better with time. You will appreciate that you have your own place without the memories of him there.
Let him buy the stuff he is getting now.... Just his luck - if they go any lenght of time or is she moves in - She will take it if they don't last.
Keep your head up, Get busy doing things for yourself, and don't look back and wonder why. He messed up and is going to miss out on you. You are better than that bull he is handing you.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
I heard the other day that
I heard the other day that in these circumstances you should find out the names of the roughest attorneys in town and get a free consultation with them. All 20 if need be. That way they can't represent him even if you don't hire them.
I don't know if its true.
Then if he does't freely settle your financial matters you'll have a wide choice and he won't.
By the way ladies there is two sides to every story.
Its not...only current and
Its not...only current and former clients count...no consultations
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Sarah, you know yourself and
Sarah, you know yourself and that is far more than enough to overcome the hurt the asshole has caused you.
Below is what I posted to another of your related blogs but I think it applies here too.
Congratulations on shedding yourself of the characterless dipshit. This is where Rags 3day rule kicks in, at least for me.
These things only hurt really bad for about 3days. Then on day 4 things feel a little better and get a little better each day after that. After not too many days it will be just an unpleasant memory that crops up in your grey-matter occasionally.
I also have always found that when the next special person comes in to my life after a painful breakup that she has all of the last person's best qualities, none of the last one's bad qualities, and a whole bunch of really great qualities and character of her own.
That is why I am married to my amazing, beautiful and truly incredible wife. I had to weed my way through several women who were found lacking in the character and quality departments before I found the incredible woman I have been married to for the past 15yrs. My XW (there is only one XW but many XGFs) is an unhappy miserable petty little person these days. I get a call occasionally that one of my friends has seen her and her family, the geriatric Fortune 500 Executive Sugar Daddy that she left me for and their spawn, (one out of wedlock ..... thank God the kid is not mine!!!!!!!!!!!)and that she is constantly hagging at her husband and kids and looks like she has been rode pretty hard and put up wet for the last 19yrs. It is heartening to me that she has lived exactly what she deserves and that I am blessed to not have been saddled with her crazy adulterous frigid ass for what would be 21yrs of marriage at this point.
Though I have no use for her and she is the one thing in my life I regret, I am grateful to her for leaving me and freeing me to rediscover the Rags I like being rather than the angry, hurt young man who lost the usual extremely elevated self confidence (sometimes too much )and childlike approach to life that I lived before I met and married her diseased character ass. But, it really was a very nice ass!
Hang in there. Eventually your now ex (thankfully) will see you with an amazing man of true character and he will know at the core of his being that you have moved on, are truly happy and he will have to live with the fact of his lack of character at the core his pathetic little being. He can try to put on a face of bravado in front of you but at the core of his being he knows he has been found lacking as a man and that he truly has no character.
Your best revenge and personal reward is to be happy and life a good life. Let the light of your happy life of character send him scrambling to the shadows of the reality that he is a characterless dipshit. Turning on a light always sends the cockroaches scrambling to the dark corners.
Hang in there.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)