this crazy b*tch called the cops on me!
this weekend was fh's visitation weekend and friday night we took sd5 to fh's dad's house so sd could visit her grandpa. while we were all sitting around sd was talking about something her new step dad had bought her and for about the third time that visit, she referred to him as "daddy." the first couple of times we thought it was just a slip. but it kept happening so we finally asked sd if that is what she calls her stepdad. she said "yes when i'm around mommy." we asked her if her mom had told her to call him that and she said yes. my bf and his two sisters and his dad all heard this clearly and since my bf is a very active father and not at all absent in sd's life we were all pretty pissed upon hearing this.
the next day we took sd over to fh's mom's house to let her visit her as well. we discussed what sd had said and everyone got angry again. well, bm choose that moment to start sending me picture messages of two kittens and a rabbit she and her husband had bought sd. it was the wrong time and i lost my cool, going off on her about how she could possibly think it would be best for her daughter's emotional health to be calling two men daddy just to fulfill her fantasy of a big happy family where my bf never existed. i never sent any threatening messages or anything like that, it was simply my opinion of her.
well, a little later on i got a phone call from a police seargent telling me she had gone in trying to get me for harassment because i had kept sending her messages after she said "dont text me back." he said i had done nothing wrong but not to contact her any more and that he had told her the same. and that he could clearly see from the messages that she had initiated contact to begin with thus how could i be harassing her. obviously she WANTED to talk to me, but because she didn't like what she was hearing, she decided i was HARASSING her. he basically said she had wasted his time. but after this she started texting fh's sisters and telling them how i had gone off on her and was crazy and evil even though they had seen the messages i sent and knew it wasn't even anything that terrible i had said.
she even decided not to allow fh and i to take sd to our county fair this weekend even though she had already told sd she could go, and told fh's grandma when she picked sd up that it is because i am mean and called her a b*tch. she is going to punish sd5 and not let her go to something she has looked forward to for weeks because i told her in not so nice a way that what she is doing is wrong. and when fh called her to take up for me and explain that he also does not think it is right for sd to be calling her stepfather daddy, bm would hear none of it and hung up on him repeatedly.
and the worst part about it is when she picked sd up at fh's grandma's today she told her all about how mean i am and now his grandma is mad at me because she thinks it's my fault we aren't allowed to take sd to the fair. i am at a loss of what to do in this situation and how to get through dealing with bm. i know there is a lot i could be doing better to make things smoother for me and especially for sd5 because none of it is her fault and yet she's the one missing out over it.
Listen, I understand
Listen, I understand completely. I've overstepped the boundaries before, defending my DBF when I should have just let him handle the situation. When she tried to say that she was giving her newborn bastard my DBF's last name because she didn't want a bunch of kids running around with different last names, I lost it. She sent the 1st text and I texted her back, calling her a dumb, nasty whore and she needed to give her newborn spawn her own dirty trifling last name or the daddy's. But seeing as the daddy was her next door neighbor's boyfriend, I didn't know how she was gonna work that out and I didn't care. The point is, I shouldn't have said anything because she knew it got under my skin and I let her push me to the edge. NEVER, ever show weakness. These crazy ass bitches feed on it and LOVE IT!!!
Call your FH's grandma and explain the situation. Also, apologize to her for losing your cool and let her know that it won't happen again. Also have your FH talk to his grandma about it. Having tension in your extended family because of situation with BM is not good and can lead to some very tense family functions. Take care of it now!
Let FH and BM communicate. You stay out of it. I know this is hard. It was hard for me also, but I set the boundaries and he stuck to them.
No one can make you feel inferior with your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt
First I'd say stop texting
First I'd say stop texting BM. Period. Don't respond to her. If she asks, you got texting removed from your phone and she'll have to text your bf.... whom she should be dealing with anyhow.
Second, the "daddy" thing is wrong. Way wrong. If your BF is an active involved father, she's undermining that in an attempt to play intact family. HE (your bf) needs to talk to her. Not you. If she won't listen then he is going to have to just reinforce his position with SD. Trust me, if he's involved, she knows who daddy really is.
Ultimately, the best thing for YOU to do is step back. This is your bf's baby mama, not yours. Don't communicate with her, let him handle that.
I think you're in the wrong
I think you're in the wrong for texting her what you did and involving yourself. She should not have called the cops, sure, but it's not like this is some fly by night guy she's having her daughter call daddy. It's her husband, your SD's STEPFATHER. Maybe it's b/c I'm coming from a place where my SK's are looking forward to calling me mom. It's their choice. I tell them they already have a mom, but they think they'll have two and are excited about it. They discussed it and decided that they'll call me Smom, or smomma. They call my siblings suncle and saunt already. But you're right, BM should not have forced it. Or maybe SD5 asked what she should call him, and her mom told her she can call him daddy if she wants. Who knows? Maybe this point should have been clarified by your BF before you jumped the gun.
If your BF has an issue with it, he should have addressed it. I think all parties handled this wrong.
Wow - is all i can say. I
Wow - is all i can say. I would not communicate with her again at all unless it was a dire emergency and BF was not available.
It may save you and her some stress. Let BF deal with it.......
Wow!
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
I don't blame you or your BF
I don't blame you or your BF for being upset that she has your SD call this other guy "Daddy"..completely wrong of her. Could you have handled it better...yes. But I can see where the anger would come from, and even the police said you did nothing wrong. BM's love the word "harassment" for some reason...
F her and her stupidity. Try not to fall into her drama trap, although I know it can be sooooo hard not to do sometimes. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, try your hardest to just ignore her and stay away. It's b.s. that she wouldn't let SD come to the fair, but it's on her, not you.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost
you guys are all so right.
you guys are all so right. and no, of course none of this was discussed in front of sd until bm told fh's grandma right in front of sd that she isn't letting her go to the fair because i am mean. that, imo isn't right either but i do my best not to bad mouth bm or her new husband around sd.
i knew immediately when it all blew up that i shouldn't have gotten involved, i let my anger take over my logic and now she thinks she has the upper hand. i'm going to talk to fh and tell him that all contact with bm is to be made through him but with me present to avoid insecurity on my part and "what did they talk about" type of thinking. i think i'm also going to have her number blocked from my phone because whether she wants to admit it or not i have helped and made things a lot easier between she and my bf, and now that i'm not going to be a part of it AT ALL, she's going to miss my help.
i agree that i am going to need a lot of improvement at this whole stepmom thing. the only people in this situation i care about are sd and fh and even though i have my insecure moments like anybody else, i AM confident in my relationship with fh and his family and no matter how hard bm wants to stay in their lives and shake me off my foundation i'm not going to let it work. i did speak with his grandma today and explain my side of things and i think she understands a little more, but i always get the feeling she wishes bm and my bf had worked out and that she will always side with her especially since bm has the whole "the world against me...boo hoo" act down to a tee.
even though a lot of this is and will remain raw for me i'm going to do my best to focus on my relationship with fh and making sd feel happy and loved when i get the opportunity, and let him worry about the specifics. she only drives me insane if i let her.
thanks, i really never
thanks, i really never thought it was going to be this hard. i guess it's what we put up with for our men.
Okay, don't think I am not
Okay, don't think I am not trying to understand you but I am. I could see where if you called bm a '*itch' she could be concerned about having sd around you extra because she could think you will pass that attitude along to her (even if you wouldn't). I am not trying to beat you up about that because you already said it was a mistake, which I certainly have made my share, just saying I could see why she felt that way. I know the whole calling the sparent mom or dad thing is a real hot topic and certainly I don't have the one right answer. I know for my dh (who is nc) he knows his young kids would at times call the sdad 'Dad' and he chose to just let this go. He said they are young kids and I'm not going to make a big deal about it. He knew he was the kid's Dad and just wasn't going to let himself feel threatened or overly hurt by it. As the kids have gotten older they have of their own accord started to call the sdad by his first name more and they definitely know who 'real' Dad is. I also remember once I was engaged to a man and their bm came over to drop something off and to my shock they ran up to her and said "can we call kidsaplenty mom' right in front of me. She and I had no relationship. She just said 'sure' even though inside it might have hurt. I started to apologize to her and she cut me short and said "they are just little kids". I think this was her way of saying she just was not going to make a big deal out of it and she knew it was her kids way of saying they liked me. My fiance had shared with me she wanted them to like me but was heartbroken how much they liked me so I know it was hard for her to say this. It was at this point I really realized just how much this bm loved those kids (despite all the 'stories' my then fiance who I didn't end up marrying had told me about her not being a great mom). So just to say we don't get as worked up about the mom/dad label here.
i understand what you're
i understand what you're saying but if bm were to give that as a reason for not wanting us to take sd to the fair after all this happened, i would tell her that that is a cop-out because none of the discussion in question and none of the names i called her took place in front of sd and i, unlike bm, would never badmouth sd's parent in front of her.
i don't really know why it struck such a nerve with us, i guess it just depends on the family. ever since my bf and bm split, my bf has had very limited time with sd and misses her constantly and i guess he just felt like since he's not in her life as much as he'd love to be (even though he's a great father on his time and very involved when PERMITTED), she might be replacing him in her heart with her stepdad when she's at home and he's the furthest thing from her mind. not that it would necessarily happen that way, but he gets sad about not getting to see her as much as he wants, and hearing her call another man daddy made him feel like he's fading from her or something.
she hasn't called her stepdad dad since she went home that weekend, but the newest thing that's been going on since that stopped is sd calling her real dad by his first name. bm says none of this came about from her influence, but tell me how it would occur to a five year old on her own to start using her father's first name? this woman PISSES ME OFF!!!!