dating a mother newly divorced with 5 year old
hi this is my first post..n thank you for reading and insight....i have been a single man no kids for a long time and have had a few 3 year relationships..but never with children involved....i have met an incredible lady 6 months ago and we have dated and become pretty serious..and im at the point where im finally ready to settle down..but i have only been around her son like 3 times..because i literally get anxiety just thinking about him(my hands tingle) or when he is around im tense...
i feel guilty for feelin this way...his mother of course wants me to like himand accept him...and hes not a bad kid...but i cant seem to get used to the idea of not being 1st priority...and lookin at his face just reminds me of his dad..not her like she would hope....i guess he does talk about seeing me when im not around n wantin to visit me which stuns me because i dont give him hardly any warmth or affection or attention even though i want to...
i notice im very short with him and i was raised strict and when he didnt listen to his mom one time i literally wanted to throw him in the backyard...and that scares me to death...i wouldnt but i cant stand a kid who in the slightest who is disrepectful...and i dont know how to sit on the sidelines..he goes to his fathers every other weekend and doesnt get alot of attention i guess and gets run of the house and does whatever
i guess im askin does it get easier?..i already dont like the idea of an ex-his father goin to a t-ball game with me and girlfriend there...im debating whtether to call this off and move on or what/...i know im being selfsih wantin all her attention ..im used to that...and not to be mean the kid isnt even cute to me and i told her that which i wish i didnt she was hurt and i thought i was just being honest...i feel like maybe for their sake i should back up...has anyone gone through this?...i think befor ei go any further now i need to really see if i should move forward or not....thanks for your time...
Honestly....
It doesn't sound like you are the type to handle a step-parent situation. Before you get in too deep, I would tell her you don't think this situation is for you, and get out. Good luck!
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Exactly what melis said.
I don't think you are in any way ready for a relationship with a woman with a kid. You need to either slow things down with her, and work on your issues, or end it completely.
Whatever you do, be honest with her - she deserves that much at the very least.
Good luck to you.
i think you are right
as much as im forcing myself to feel and act different it isnt happening...i stay awake thinkin of this all the time...i dont think it comes natural to me at all to be in a step son situation...she is so wonderful though..and it breaks her heart i dont accept her son...i will be honest with her..she has bent over backwards for me too many times...
i appreicate your words..i think if you all have lived this life you would know..im just at a loss...
As difficult as it may be to
As difficult as it may be to end it, it sounds like you would only be hurting her in the long run by continuing to date her. You'll be saving her and yourself a lot of future arguments, resentment, and disappointment (that's a big one) because she's not going to ever be satisfied with you if you continue to feel this way. (and you will) There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. Some people just naturally take to raising other people's children, and for some people it is unnatural.
time
Its time for you to go because this relationship is over before it gets started. You have zero tolerance for kd stuff so just tell her the truth.
Don't feel guilty
because you like her but not her home situation. You're in for a lot of problems ahead. If you were my son I'd tell you to run and not look back. Find a gal with no children.
Just not a good time
I remember once I dated a guy a few times who had a son and wanted me to meet the son, well I didn't want to because I knew I would never marry that guy. But when I met DH, him having a child didn't matter at all to me.
Maybe you just aren't ready for this now, but it doesn't mean you never will be. But don't date her unless you are ready to really go all the way, it is not fair to any of you otherwise.
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Crossroads
You should not feel guilty for feeling this way -- it's very important that you be honest with yourself about this situation, and especially that you be honest with her. If this feels bad down in your gut, no, it won't get better without a lot of counseling, etc. And you might very well NEVER get used to it. Your impulse to want to throw him in the back yard is a HUGE sign, a neon light telling you, "END THIS."
Continuing with this relationship would be a recipe for disaster. It would bring out the worst in you, and your relationship with your GF and with her son would suffer irreparable damage. Just admit that this isn't for you, and move on. There are other women out there without kids and exes. Find one of those.
Best of luck,
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
wow thank you
for the kind caring words..and taking the time to read... i am deciding to move on as hard as it is...and wishing i was different..but you cant force it i guess...ive never been so torn like split in half on leaving or trying...but thank you all i do know its best for both of them if i move on...