Help! BM is giving us problems with scheduling!
I am getting married to DH is October...we have been trying to plan out the next couple of months. Our wedding is out of town (my hometown) and we have alot of going back and forth to do. DH has shared parenting with BM, he is supposed to get the kids Sunday, Monday, Thursdays, and one Saturday a month. Well, we have discovered that sometimes what was written down on paper almost 2 years ago doesn't exactly apply now. BM wanted to start getting SS5 and SD9 one Sunday a month, which was fine with us because we would like to have a Sunday "off" once in awhile! We also started realizing that the Thursday thing wasn't so great. When school is in, they come here after school, eat, homework, bath, go to bed, go to school the next morning and then they are with their mom after that. It is too much "bed jumping" as we call it! Not to mention, I work from the house and DH is a chef so he works busy, long hours. During the summer on Thursdays, I have been watching the Skids from like 11 AM to 4 PM when DH gets home. Which I didnt' have a problem with at first UNTIl we decided that maybe 2 Thursdays a month would be better, instead of every Thursday. She verbally agreed to it, but it has not happened yet, and there are only 2 weeks left until school starts!!
So...back to what I was saying about alot of stuff going on these next few months. We made a schedule the beginning of July for July and August, with dates that we needed to switch, etc. She disregarded it and kept going by what she said wanted to do. She called us 2 weeks ago and says that she wants the kids for 10 days because her and her boyfriend are on vacation and he will have his kids and they want to do stuff with them. DH said FINE, but as long as she compromises with us and what we want too. She sends the skids back with a new schedule for August, completely disregarding what we had asked for. She has once again completely ruined my plans!!
DH has said that he is going to put his foot down and handle it but he always says that, and she always wins! I am waiting for him to do it...it's been 2 days and nothing yet, I can't even plan out my week!!!!!!!!!!! Please, can someone give some advice?!!
Write a letter:
I've only heard of one effective way to handle this problem.
First you get a court ordered schedule. Keep the one you got or get it legally changed to what you want as best as the court will allow. Then you stick to the ordered schedule to the minute. You do not allow her to deviate from it and you ask for no deviations.
If she deviates from the schedule your spouse writes her a letter and threatens to ask the court to find her criminally and civilly in violation of the courts order. If she does it again have his attorney write the letter. If she does it a third time have his attorney file the complaint.
Eventually she will get the point that if she doesn't give some neither will he. It will take months or perhaps years before she gets the point.
Of course if your spouse is unable to stick to the system with the word "no" then she'll continue to rule the scheduling. Bear in mind that your spouse is always in fear that his ex will start to alienate the children if he does not keep her happy. This is a very real threat to him so be understanding of it.
*********************
There's an exception to everything I say.